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1、我在院子里的垃圾桶旁找到了这台打字机Ifoundthistypewriternexttothecourtyarddumpster.一台老式的Underwood5带有原装回车的款式AnoldUnderwood5withoriginalcarriagereturn.带她回家全部擦亮Tookherhome,polishedherup然后在淘了个宝.com上买♥♥了个全新纸带.好吧总有人得做点什么了Okay,somebodyhasgottodosomething.我都有丛集性头痛了mgettingaclusterheadache.他要走了He,sleaving.我们上1.e
2、tsgo.我得把它扔了vegottothrowitaway.不我抬不起来这玩意儿得有一亿吨♥重吧No,mnot.Itweighsabilliontons.他打的是什么呢Whatishetyping,anyway?”如果你们这些嫌♥子♥养♥的♥试着扔掉这个打字机我就宰了你们“IfyousonsOfbitchestrytoremovethistypewriter,llkillyou.我要把每个认识的词都打一遍mgoingtotypeeverywordIknow!矩形美国Rectangle.America.喇叭周一Megaphon
3、e.Monday.屁♥眼♥Butthole.公园与游憩公园与游憩第3季第5集第3季第5集唉我也不想传达坏消息Well,Ihatetobethebearerofbadtidings,但这些采访比我们想象中的还要重要buttheseinterviewsaremoreimportantthanwethought.离丰收节还有两周HarvestFestistwoweeksaway,群众知晓度还是很低andawarenessisstillprettylow.啊35%吗-实际上是34.2%Boy,35%?-It,sactually34.2%.,34.2%我是Ben数字机器人”3
4、4.2%.mBen,thenumbersrobot.这只是精确计算而已It,sjustanexactcalculation.”精确计算而已”-好吧Itsjustanexactcalculation.1-Allright.所以为了宣传丰收节我们在进行一场声势浩大的媒体闪电战So,weredoingahugemediablitztopublicizetheHarvestFestival,我们有TV报纸电台.andwe,vegotTV,newspaper,radio.我甚至给OPrah打了电♥话♥AndIevencalledOprah.好吧我试过给她打电♥话
5、♥我搞不到她的号♥码Well,ItriedtocallOprah.Icouldntgethernumber.我就把消息放出去了像秘密一样mputtingitoutthere,likeTheSecret.希望她可以联♥系♥我Andhopefully,shellcallme.我们的第一个采访在FM93.7和疯狂Ira与混♥蛋♥Ourfirstinterviewisat93.7F.M.withCrazyIraandTheDouche.疯狂Ira与-混♥蛋♥CrazyIraand.-TheD
6、ouche.他们是Pawnee最好笑的驾车时段电台主持TheyarePawneesmosthilariousdrivetimeradioguys.比桶胖Tony和木瓜强多对吧SomuchbetterthanTubbyTonyandthePapaya.AmIright?他们真的很好笑Theyreseriouslysofunny.这么做是对的吗Isthisright?这样感觉几乎完美了Thisfeelsalmostperfect,但我不觉得你的核心肌肉拉伸到了最大弹性butIdon,tthinkyourcorehasmaximizedelasticity.好吧呃我等你俩不奇怪的时候再回来Okay,
7、um,Illcomebackifyouguysarebeingweird.不不不不No,no,no,no!你正好是我此时此刻最想交谈的人YoureexactlythepersonthatImostwanttotalkto,rightatthismoment.然后下蹲-哦Andlunge.-Oh.你对我的提议继续考虑了吗Haveyougivenmyofferanymorethought?如果我答应了会怎样呢WhatexactlywouldhappenifIsaidyes?嗯你会在州议会工作Well,youwouldworkatthestatehouse.你会协调我的专业和个人日程Youwould
8、coordinatemyprofessionalandpersonalschedule,我们也会给你一小笔前往印第安纳波利斯的搬家费andwewouldgiveyouasmallrelocationfeeforyourmovetoIndianapolis.那听起来好无聊啊Thatsoundsboring.但也没有什么把我留在这里了ButIhavenothingkeepingmehere.你办公室有网吗有的DoyouhaveInternetinyouroffice?-Yes.好的我愿意Fine,lldoit.这真的是我整天听到的最好消息Thatisliterallythebestnewsthat
9、Iveheardallday.不像April我仍然不知道我和ChriS的未来是什么样UnlikeApril,IstilldonotknowwhatmyfutureholdswithChris.这让我有点沮丧Andit,sstartingtobummeout.我得来点维生素D是的IneedsomemorevitaminD.Yeah.哦嘿刚刚那个会议是咋回事Hey.Crazy.Whatwasthatmeetingabout?原来Chris是我的亲生父亲ItturnsoutChrisismyrealdad.我觉得你在撒谎Ithinkyou,relying.我想我知道那个会是什么事IthinkIkno
10、wwhatthatmeetingwasabout.你可不能去印第安纳波利斯YoucantgotoIndianapolis.肯定有我能做出来TheresgottobesomethingthatIcando让你确信我多在乎你的事情toconvinceyouhowmuchIcareaboutyou.告诉你每天必须做的最不喜欢的事Tellmeyourleastfavoritethingsyouhavetodoeveryday,我来做他一个月好啊andlldothemforamonth.-Fine.如果你做一个月我不喜欢的事IfyoudoeverythingIhateforamonth,我可能会开始考虑
11、可能留下来的可能性thenImightbegintothinkaboutthepossibilityofthinkingaboutmaybestaying.我只需要听到这些ThatsallIhavetohear.你不会后悔的Youwontlivetoregretthis.除非Andy可以撤回那个和Ann的吻UnlessAndycanun-kissAnn,不然我是不会改变心意的thenmnotgoingtochangemymind.但如果他乐意带我的蠢妹妹去她的蠢舞蹈课Butifhewantstotakemydumbsistertoherdumbdanceclass,那我才不会蠢到阻止他then
12、mnotgoingtodumbstophim.疯狂Ira与混♥蛋♥93.7CrazyIraandTheDouche,93.7.你知道我为啥一直做不了宇航员吗Youknowwhydneverbeanastronaut?三个字太空屁Twowords.Spacefarts.你在航♥天♥飞机上可不能摇F窗户啊对吧乡亲们Youcantrolldownthewindowoftheshuttle.AmIright,folks?休斯顿我们有一个.Houston,wehavea.你对此感觉如何NeilArmstrongWhatdoyouthinkabout
13、that,NeilArmstrong?这是人的一小噗Thatsonesmall.forman,人类的一大噗onegiantformankind.好的现在换挡了AllrightSwitchinggearsherenow.我们请来了LeslieKnope和TomHaver噗WevegotLeslieKnopeandTomnHaverfart还有BenWyattandBenWyatt.他们在这聊聊即将到来的一个叫丰收节的活动AndtheyreinthehizzytotalkaboutanupcomingeventcalledtheHarvestFestival.嗯混♥蛋♥
14、这是个Pawnee的传统Well,TheDouche,itsaPawneetradition,这个地方是有趣遇上精彩anditswherefunmeetsawesome.遇上农业Meetsagriculture.它会在下个月举♥行♥就在Pawnee这儿Anditisgoingtobenextmonth,righthereinPawnee.剧透警告到时候会有最好的玉米迷宫Andspoileralert,itsgoingtohavethebestcornmazeever.你就是在玉米迷宫里破处的对吧混♥蛋♥Youlostyourvirgini
15、tyinacornmaze,didntyou,Douche?确实是哦和你妈妈Thatsright.Toyourmom.疯狂Ira收拾你的房♥间CrazyIra!Cleanyourroom!到时也会有干草车-干操♥我♥Theresalsogoingtobehayrides.-Hey,rideme,是疯狂Ira的妈说过的话iswhatCrazyIrasmomsaid.够了Stopit!中国Joe你简直是个诗人ChinaJoe,youareapoet.我的鸟丢了我需要贴告示的许可Mybirdismissing.Ineedapermittopostsigns.
16、哦让我找找表格1.etmejustlookforthatform.已经来不及啦它会飞走的啊Theresnotime!Hecanfly!九件April讨厌做的事NinethingsAprilhatestodo.第一坐班许可办理桌一小时Numberone,runthepermitsdeskforanhour.没问题Thatsnoproblem.我把”坐许可办理桌一小时当早餐Ieatrunningthepermitsdeskforanhourforbreakfast.嗷那.嗷0w.Thats.0w.Henry停下好嗷Henry.Stopit-Great.0w.好了Henry小孩真可爱Okay,Hen
17、ry.Cutekid.AndyAndy.有空吗-有Gotasec?-Yeah.HenryHenry.为什么你在许可桌那办公Whyareyouworkingthepermitsdesk,为什么那个小孩在棒打你的鸡块andwhywasthatchildclubbingyournuggets?我想阻止April去Chris那上班mtryingtostopAprilfromtakingajobwithChris,所以下个月我要做她讨厌的每件事somdoingeverythingshehatesdoingforthenextmonth.那样有川嘛Thatsgoingtowork?她说可能Shesaidi
18、tmight.但我只能这样了哥们Butit,sallvegot,man.列表给我我来帮你Givemethelist.llhelpyou.哦我的天谢谢Oh,myGod.Thankyou.没事Yougotit.不我不关心他俩的感情No,Idontcareabouttheirrelationship.我只是不想失去AprilIjustdontwanttoloseApril.我永远都不可能找到更差的助手了Iwouldneverbeabletofindaworseassistant.好的谢谢LeslieOkay.Thanks,Leslie.但你知道我们今天真正想做的Butyouknow,whatwere
19、allywanttodotoday是和这里的BenWyatt聊个天ishaveachatwithBenWyatt,here.来吧Ben-来吧BenComeon,Ben.-Comeon,Ben.我更像是幕后的那种人mmoreofabehind-the-sceneskindofguy.要么就来加入我们要不就去打屁屁椅Well,itseithercomewithusorgetinthespankchair.所以可能这是采访时间来吧各位掌声欢迎So,maybeitstimeforaninterview.Comeon,everybody,givehimahand.来吧-来吧Ben是的Comeon!-Co
20、meonover,Ben.Yeah.所以这个家伙BenWyatt我们上AltaVista搜了他So,thisguy,BenWyatt.We,relookinghimuponAltaVista.他是从一个乡巴佬小镇来的明尼苏达鹏鸽城Hesfromsomehicktown,Partridge,Minnesota.他18岁的时候被当选为市长Andwhenhes18,heselectedmayor.挺好笑挺好笑的Thatsfunny.Thatsfunny.是的他18岁成为市长Yeah,hes18,becomesthemayor,然后把整个预算都扔在一个溜冰场上andthenblowsthewholeb
21、udgetonaniceskatingrink.城市破产了笑死人Citygoesbankrupt.-Joke!滚出去吧Getoutofthere!你把它叫啥来着哥-叫什么名字啊Whatdidyoucallitagain,bro?-Whatwasitcalled?说啊Sayit.“冰城IceTown.我当时还是个孩子而当你Iwasakid.Andwhenyou.你最后上到那个位置然后有Youendupgettingoutthereandthere,sa.我真希望你们现在能看到他的样子Ireallywishyouguyscouldseethisguyrightnow.他都泡在汗里了Heisdren
22、chedinsweat.丰收节还会有小马出现的TheresalsogoingtobeponiesattheHarvestFestival.好了我们来从混♥蛋♥国家收听听众来电吧Allright.LetstakeacallerfromDoucheNation.好的讲吧听众AllrightTalktome,caller.伙计们你们好啊正在Eagleton这边儿混♥蛋♥着呢Whatsup,guys?JustdouchingoverhereinEagleton.酷毙Sweet.看起来18岁当市长也太年轻了Seemslike18isprettyyo
23、ungforamayor.你当时多大啊12岁吗Whatwereyou,like,12?有趣当Thefunny.When.我猜Iguess.幸运的是Thefortunate.我们能就.Canwejust,sortof.游戏结束伙计游戏结束Gameover,man.Gameover.干得漂亮大哥那是你第一次和人类交谈吗Nicejob,man.Wasthatyourfirsttimetalkingtootherpeople?因为看起来就是那样Becauseitcameoffthatway.你在混♥蛋♥面前让我尴尬YouembarrassedmeinfrontofTheDo
24、uche.对不起各位我只是msorry,youguys.Ijust.我17年都没有处理那些市长的事情了1haventhadtodealwiththatmayorstufffor17years.我猜我还没完全走出来Iguessmnottotallyoverit.别担心只是小小颠簸而已Noworries.Look,itwasjustabumpintheroad.好吧-幸运的是Leslie车可是全地形车Okay.-Fortunately,theLeslie-mobileisanall-terrainvehicle.所以一切关于Ben的事情都还好So,everythinginvolvingBenisf
25、ine.我只需要跟你私下聊一件其他事情Ijustneedtotalktoyouinprivateaboutsomethingdifferent跟Ben无关thatisnotBen-related.Ben干得好Ben,goodjob.你家这孩子是个噩梦Yourboy,sanightmare.我知道但我们需要他Iknow,butweneedhim.如果他们问我们预算的问题他是我们的数字专家Iftheyaskusaboutthebudget,he,sournumbersguy.我们应该给个计算器戴上雷朋眼镜Well,weshouldjustslapapairofRay-Bansonacalculat
26、or,因为那样都会更迷人一点becausethatwouldbewaymorecharming.我去报纸采访你和Ben去第四频道lldothenewspaperinterview.YouandBendoChannelFour.PerdHapley是个大软蛋出来的会是吹捧文章的PerdHapleyisabigsoftie.Itllbeapuffpiece.他能搞定Hecandoit.所以你喜欢Pawnee不So,howareyoulikingPawnee?这里有很多车Therearealotofcars.我是说也没有太多Imean,nottoomany.卡车之类的车但你知道Trucksandst
27、uff.But,youknow.酷哦聊得好冰城-好吧Cool.Goodtalk,IceTown.-Okay.哇谁知道水芹豆角和核桃Wow.Whoknewthatwatercress,garbanzobeansandwalnuts味道能互相补充呢couldcomplementeachothersowell?沙拉酱也很棒对吧Gooddressing,too,right?亚麻籽和龙舌兰和鸟食的基本成分一样Flaxseedandagave.Samebasicingredientsasbirdfeed.我就要直说了mjustgoingtocomerightoutandsayit.我想要定义你的八卦Iwa
28、nttodefineyourbagua.好吧那是啥Okay.Whatsthat?是一个风水术语It,safengshuiterm.这个房♥子里的能量有点不太新鲜Theenergyinthishouseisalittlestale.但我觉得我能以一种正向的方式重新定义你的流动ButIthinkIcanredefineyourflowinaverypositiveway.好我真的不是很在意这些东西的安排Great.mnotreallyattachedtothewaythisstuffisarranged.或者这些东西本身Orthestuffitself.或者这栋房♥子甚
29、至真的Orthishouse,even,really.好的我们来吧Great,letsdoit.我还表现得不够明显吗AmInotbeingobviousenough?我觉得我已经表现得够明显了Ifeellikembeingobvious.最新消息丰收节更像是“丰收杰”Thisjustin.HarvestFestivalmorelikeHarvestBestival.*公园部已种下种子TheParksDepartmenthasplantedtheseeds,而现在到r奖励丰收的时候了andnow,theyreharvestingtherewards.很好你玩完了吗Great.Youdone?他们
30、会在可乐里加入”乐“的好的我玩完了Theyllputthefuninfunnelcake.Okay.Now,mdone.跟我讲讲BenWyatt-当然TellmeaboutBenWyatt.-Sure.他为州政♥府♥工作Heworksforthestategovernment是来为我们的预算做建议的andhesbeencomingtoadviseusaboutourbudget.得了吧Leslie混♥蛋♥已经把新闻传开了Comeon,Leslie.TheDoucheblewthisstorywideopen.BenWyatt破产了一个镇然
31、后来到PawneeBenWyattbankruptsatownandthencomestoPawnee来告诉我们怎么花钱totellushowtospendourmoney?这里没有故事啊ShaunaTheresnostoryhere,Shauna.他只是个尽职尽责的公务员尽全力Hesjustadedicatedcivilservantwhoisdoingwhateverhecan保证这是最好的丰收节tomakesurethatthisisthebestHarvestFestivalever.而且他还长得挺养眼的Andheseasyontheeyes,too.你和他到底是什么关系呢Whatex
32、actlyisthenatureofyourrelationshipwithhim?严肃的专业关系只是朋友Strictlyprofessional.Justfriends.所以你们是同事还是朋友So,areyoucolleaguesorareyoufriends?我们是互惠的同事Wearecolleagueswithbenefits.我们是上♥床♥的同事我们是受到我们也是朋友关系这个“惠”的同事Werecolleagueswhobenefitfromthefactthatwerealsofriends.抱歉Shauna我觉得我该走了msorry,Shauna.Ith
33、ink1needtogo.但还是非常感谢But,thankyousomuch,还有和往常一样我说的话都不能发表andasalways,everythingIsaidisofftherecord.好吗拜Okay?Bye.下一个任务是什么Whatsthenexttask?我们得给她奶奶写一封生日支票的感谢信Wehavetowritehergrandmotherathankyounoteforabirthdaycheck.要写得很好因为晚了五个月Ithastobereallygood,too,becauseit,sfivemonthslate.之前从没写过感谢信这会很有意思的Neverwritten
34、athankyounotebefore.Thiswillbefun.她叫她什么来着Whatdoesshecallher?祖母不对阿嬷Gamma.No.Nanna.或者嬷嬷奶娘之类的OrNana.Gizmo.Somethinglikethat.这是给你奶娘的你应该会觉得写得很好的ThisisforyourGizmo.Ithinkyoullfindit,sprettygood.“亲爱的April的奶奶.”我说的爷爷DearAprilsgrandmother.Isaidgrandfather.啊哦好吧Oops.Okay.“你是个美丽惊人的女人男人Youareabeautifulandamazingw
35、oman.Man.”我希望有一天我能做到半个你那么好的女人”Ihopesomeday,Icanbecomehalfthewomanyouare.他是个男人Hesaman.“谢谢您500块的支票”是五块钱Thankyouforthe$500.Itwas$5.”请欣赏这张老鼠耗子的CD”他是聋子EnjoytheMouseRatCD.Heisdeaf.好吧你想让我这么改呢还是就这样Okay.Doyouwantmetomakethosechanges,orisitgood?我们接这下一个采访之前Beforewedothisnextinterview,有一个小秘密我想分享给你there,salittle
36、secretIwanttoletyouinon.叫做Haverford扯淡大♥法♥ItscalledthenHaverfordSchmooze.听着我只是猝不及防而已我没事1.ook,Iwasjustcaughtoffguard.mfine.三个简单步骤Threeeasysteps.微笑友好的身体接触和谄媚Smile,friendlyphysicalcontactandflattery.嘿Perd你老爸是机械战警吗因为你手臂壮得跟枪似的”Hey,Perd.WasyourdadRoboCop?Becauseyourarmsareguns.机械战警的手臂才不是枪Robo
37、Copdidnthavegunsforarms.哦我的天啊才不是这个重点啊你个书呆子Oh,myGod.That,ssonotthepoint,younerd.我只是说说Justsaying.我们为啥来商场了Whyareweatamall?给你买♥♥套新西服Weregettingyouanewsuit.这事儿我已经忍♥了够久了veletthisgoonlongenough.我喜欢身上这套-你不应该Ilikethissuit.-Youshouldnt,因为看起来太像垃圾了becauseitlookslikegarbage.你的西服看起来更像垃圾Yoursu
38、itlooksmorelikegarbage.真的吗-是啊Really?-Yeah.因为Brooks兄弟才不会生产垃圾BecauseBrooksBrothersBoysdoesntmakegarbage.好的下一件事是摄影课程作业Okay.Thisnextthingisaphotographyclassassignment.你能搞明白吗Canyoufigurethatout?“概括忧郁的本质”Encapsulatethespiritofmelancholy.1忧郁-简单Melancholy.-Easy.哈张伤心的桌子Boom.Asaddesk.哈伤心的墙Boom.Sadwall.这就是艺术说什
39、么就是什么-哦对啊Itsart.Anythingisanything.-Oh.Righton.我要把这些送去然后去拿邮件mgoingtogodropthisoffandpickupthemail.伤心的地板Sadfloor.确实开起来挺伤心有点Itdoeslooksad,kindof.对不起踩到你了地板Sorryforsteppingonyou,floor.嘿你让Andy给你干所有的活吗Hey.YougotAndydoingallyourworkforyou?是的但他说他想干的Yes,buthesaidhewantedtodoit.我这么做只是为了报复他monlydoingitbecausem
40、gettinghimback.是我不关心我要在你的列表上加点东西Yeah,Idon,tcare.Igotsomethingtoaddtoyourlist.是就是这里Yup.Therewego.就是这样Thatsthestuff.April真的每天这公做吗Aprilreallydoesthiseveryday?是的按脚跟Yes.Worktheheel.Andy下一个能给我吗Andy,canIbenext?行Yeah.我脚上有个特别大的鸡眼都能自己眨起来了Ihavegotacornsobigyoucouldslapbutteronit.欢迎收看”和Perd听个声儿”WelcometoYaHeard
41、?WithPerd.我是PerdHapleymPerdHapley.今天来客的故事是Thestoryofourgueststodayisthat他们来自公园与娱乐部门theyarefromtheDepartmentofParksandRecreation.BenWyatt和TornHaverfordBenWyattandTomHaverford.咋啦Perd超级粉你哦Whatup,Perd?Bigfan.我也是Perd咋啦Me,too,Perd.Whatup?关于第一个问题的事情是Thethingaboutthisfirstquestionis,我想问你们一个关于丰收节的问题dliketoas
42、kyouabouttheHarvestFestival.Perd到时会超棒的嘉年华之旅啊游戏啊.Perd,it,sgoingtobeamazing.Carnivalrides,games.Sweetums甚至建了一个加大码的过山车Sweetumsisevenbuildingaplus-sizedrollercoaster专为Pawnee寻求刺♥激♥的肥胖人士准备forsomeofPawneesobesethrill-seekers.你得有这么宽才能上去Youmustbethiswidetoride.哇那会是个很大的过山车啊Wow.Thatsgoingtobeapre
43、ttybigrollercoaster.是Yup.嘿伙计们情况如何Hey,guys.Howdiditgo?好吧有一些困难的瞬间Well,thereweresomestickymoments.我们来看看录像吧1.etsgotothevideotape.你看谁没有过同性恋的想法呢1.ook.Whohasnthadgaythoughts?谁-你没事吧Who?-Areyouokay?是我没事没事Yeah,mfine.mfine.我是说你知道的有时候我觉得我需要配眼镜了Imean,youknow,sometimes,IfeellikeImightneedglasses.这里有只鸟吗Isthereabir
44、dinhere?我发誓我在演播室一直能看到一只鸟Iswear,Ikeepseeingabirdinthisstudio.可能事情就是如此而已这是怎么发生的Maybethatsallthereistoit.-Howdidthishappen?Perd开始问他“男孩市长”的事情之前他还没事的HewasfineuntilPerdstartedaskinghimabouttheboymayorstuff你怎么回事啊你看起来简直精神错乱Whatswrongwithyou?Youlookpsychotic.我上任市长的时候才18岁好嘛所以那样真是抱歉了Iwas18whenIwaselectedmayor.
45、Okay?So,excusemeforthat.CindyEckert刚刚拒绝和我一起参加毕业舞会CindyEckerthadjustturnedmedownforseniorprom.你知道那样的感我该打给她我应该Doyouknowhowthatfee.Ishouldcallher.Ishould.不我不该我也不会打给她的No,Ishouldnt.Andmnotgoingto.我为此而自豪Andmproudofmyselfforthat.然后他聊了他第一次抚触CindyEckert时的感觉Andthen,hetalkedaboutfeelingupCindyEckertforthefirsttime大概五分钟foraboutfiveminu
