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1、哦宝你真的是疯狂了Aw,babe,youvegonecrazy.唯一让我疯狂的事情是一条优美的TheonlythingIamcrazyaboutisamagnificent怀孕的魔鬼鱼名叫AnnPerkinspregnantmantaraynamedAnnPerkins.我在为我们下个电♥话♥给聊天话题排序IamrankingtopicsOfconversationforournextphonecall.你的最好朋友住在另一个盘州的最坏部分就是话题真的会堆成山Theworstpartaboutyourbestfriendlivinginanotherstupidst
2、ateisthetopicsreallypileup.你觉得哪个优先权应该更高Whatdoyouthinkshouldbehigherpriority?无限围巾还是我值不值得订阅Showtime频道Infinityscarvesorwhetherornotit,sworthitformetogetShowtime?这真的有必要吗Isthisreallynecessary?她搬家的时候我们互相保证Whenshemoved,wepromisedeachother我们应该每天聊天而我们真的落后进度了thatwewouldtalkeveryday,andwevereallyfallenbehind.我
3、知道你的女性朋友们对你非常重要但是Iknowyourfemalefriendsareveryimportanttoyou,but我总能当个好聊天对象啊malwaysagoodsoundingboard.我是说我也可以聊一下Imean,Icantalkabout”桑德拉布洛克的裙子长度”啊SandraBullockskirtlength.不不宝你不能-你只会给自己丢脸的No,no,babe,youcantyouwouldjustembarrassyourself.此外每次我开始跟你聊Plus,everytimeIstarttalkingtoyou,五秒钟之后我就想骑在你身上了fivesecond
4、slater,Iwanttojumpyourbones.哦那我们做那个吧你看我就是这个意思Oh,let,sdothatinstead.-See,thatswhatmtalkingabout.是啊行我们来吧好-是是是Yeah,okay,letsdothis.Okay.-Yeah,yeah,yeah.公园与游憩公园与游憩第6季第17集第6季第17集接下来是联合演唱会事宜Ontotheunityconcert.Ben要和帐篷人员会面敲定交易Benismeetingwiththetentpeopletofinalizethosedeals.April和Donna要帮我搞定商户位置规划AprilandD
5、onnawillbehelpingmewiththevendorlocationcharts,而我会和测量员见面商量演唱会场地andIwillbemeetingwiththesurveyorsabouttheconcertgrounds.我想志愿自己参与公园测量活动Iwouldliketovolunteertodotheparksurveymyself哇RonWow,Ron.我一直知道有一天我会影响到你IalwaysknewtherewouldbeadaywhenIwouldgetthroughtoyou而你会爱上政♥府♥工作andyouwouldlovegover
6、nmentwork.今天就是那个历史性的一天Todayisthathistoricday.是的正是这种情况Yes.Thatiswhathashappened.在户外自己呆一整天就像是个梦一样Spendingthedayoutsidealonesoundslikeadream.我爱当一个父亲但我还是想念几件事情Ilovebeingafather,butthereareafewthingsImiss.安静噪音的缺乏Silence,theabsenceofnoise,一个单独的瞬间不被onesinglemomentundisturbedbythesounds叫做玩具小医生儿童电视节目的声音打扰ofa
7、childrensTVprogramcalledDocMcStufflns.已经不会有安静了Thereisnoquietanymore.只会有玩具小医生ThereisonlyDocMcStuffins.抱歉我迟到了Sorrymlate.呃Andy要不你跟着Ron去帮助他Uh,Andy,whydontyougowithRonandhelphim?我真的不需要一-前排Ireallydontneed-Shotgun!我抢前排我们要去哪无所谓前排Icallshotgun.Wherearewegoing?Doesntmatter.Shotgun.今天接下来所有坐车都抢前排Shotgunonallride
8、sfortherestoftheday.这辈了都抢前排任何车哈哈Fortherestofmylife.Inanycar!Haha!我刚对付了你们这群傻瓜Ijustfacedyousuckers!所以我们停车场见Ron问聊Sollseeyouintheparkinglot,Ron.Later!那个帐篷男是左撇子还是右撇子Isthetentguyleft-handedorright-handed?我只想知道我的刘海要朝那边才能更优♥惠♥Ijustneedtoknowwhichwaytopartmyhairtogetusabetterprice.这是一个我在研究的商业理论
9、Itsabusinesstheorymworkingon.我真不觉得这很重要挺简单的交易Ireallydontthinkitmatters.Prettystraightforwarddeal.简单交易吗为啥不早说呢Astraightforwarddeal?Whydidntyoutellme?我没把我的简单交易软呢相带在身上啊Idonthavemystraightforwarddealfedoraonme.我们路上得去我的储藏室停一下Wegottastopbymystorageunitonthewayup.嘿LarryHey,Larry.嘿你想跟我们一起去帐篷世界吗一点公路旅行Hey,youwa
10、nnacomewithustotentworld?Littleroadtrip?帐篷世界吗行啊我拿上我的午饭Tentworld?Yeah,letmegrabmylunch.不为啥你要邀请Larry啊No.WhydyouinviteLarry?他为这个交易做完了所有文书工作他值得来啊He,sbeendoingallthepaperworkforthisdeal.Hedeservestocome.1.arry用屁熏整辆车的时候记住你现在说的RememberyousaidthatwhenLarrysfartingupthecar.1.alTy没那么差啊他很好的1.arryisntthatbad.He
11、,snice.实话说我不在乎谁知道我那么说过Andfrankly,IdontcarewhoknowsthatIsaidthat,只要没人知道我那么说过aslongasnooneknowsthatIsaidthat.好了女士们我会在我的办公室呆1到7个小时Okay,ladies,Iwillbeinmyofficeforonetosevenhours进行我和Ann的每周聊天我带了点新鲜零食formyweeklychatwithAnn.Ibroughtsomefreshsnacks.而我给商户安排做了个备选方案AndImadeabackupplanforthevendorchart万一你知道的你们的
12、不好incase,youknow,yoursisntgood.实际h你在卫生间的时候Ann打来过了Actually,Anncalledwhileyouwereinthebathroom.她说出了点事她待会儿再打给你Shesaidsomethingcameup,shellcallyoulater.我不知道我跟她说给你留个语♥音♥Idontknow,Itoldhertoleaveyouavoicemail.呃天啊为啥你让我说那些话啊Ugh!God,whydyouletmesayallthat?我来了Ann的语♥音♥留言我来了mcoming,A
13、nnsvoicemail!mcoming!非常仔细地听我说我没被绑♥架♥1.istentomeverycarefully.Ihavenotbeentaken.我知道我没空的时候那总是你第一个恐惧的Iknowthatsalwaysyourfirstfearwhenmnotavailable,绑♥架♥但这不是一个LiamNeeson飓风营救的场景butthisisnotaLiamNeesonTakenscenario.那就是他们会让你说的话Thatsexactlywhattheydmakeyousay.还有没人让我这么说Also,noones
14、makingmesaythis.我是个自♥由♥的女性没被绑♥架♥只是做我自己的事情Iamafreewoman,untaken,simplygoingaboutmybusiness.我只是得走了出了点事我爱你我待会儿打给你Ijusthavetorun.Somethingcameup.Iloveyou,andllcallyoulater.DonnaDonna.好不好啊宝贝Donna镇什么最甚What,sgood,baby?What,sgoingdowninDonnatown?Meagle森林有啥好事了WhatsthehapsinMeagle-
15、wood?我在听Jaleel掷千金”mlisteningtoJaleelOrNoDeal.JaleelWhite在凡人琐事中扮演Urkel是个博客那个扮演Urkel的孩子回顾老的ItsapodcastwherethekidwhoplayedUrkelreviewsold一掷千金节目毫无意义而我喜欢DealOrNoDealepisodes.It,spointless,andIloveit.好吧别让我打扰你了Okay,dontletmeinterrupt.April有啥新鲜事呢小妈妈April,whatsthe411,littlemama?热辣八卦是啥你最近暗恋谁呢Whatsthehotgoss?
16、Whoyoucrushingonthesedays?恶心我老公啊怪人Ew,myhusband,weirdo.我现在能继续工作了吗谢了拜CanIgetbacktoworknow?Thanks.Bye.工作吗你随时都可以工作啊Work?Youcanworkwhenever.除了现在因为现在是女性时间Exceptfornow,becausenowisladytime.你听起来像是卫生棉条广♥告♥Yousoundlikeatamponcommercial.我在安排一场即兴的闺蜜节msettingupanimpromptuGaIentine1Sday.真的啊-是啊Really
17、?-Yeah.等等我以为你今年不搞闺蜜节了因为那个女畜生搬走了Wait,IthoughtyouwerentgonnadoGalentine1Sdaythisyearbecausethatshe-beastmovedaway.我记得她的名字是撒旦IbelievehernamewasSatan?她的名字是Ann她确实走了HernameisAnn,andsheisgone,而我接受了而我们要搞闺蜜节了andIhaveacceptedit,andwearegonnahaveGalentine1Sday.女士们上前1.adies,upfront.我需要一位住在Pawnee的AnnIneedanAnnwh
18、olivesinPawnee,而没有一个显然的候选人andthereisnooneobviouscandidate,于是我会测试她们就在这女性友谊的终极战场-soIwilltestthemoutontheultimatebattlefieldoffemalefriendship-闺蜜节早午餐Galentine1Sdaybrunch.它会是一场仅包含女性的马拉松式亲密会面加上成吨♥的鲜奶油Itwillbeawomen,s-onlymarathonbondingsessionwithtonsofwhippedcream.顺便说别在Google上搜那句话Sidenote,donotGo
19、oglethatphrase.嘿RonHey,Ron.我能问你个有点重要的问题吗CanIaskyoukindofanimportantquestion?你知道就你去自动取款机Youknow,like,whenyougototheATM然后你取钱是真有个家伙andyougetmoney,isthereanactualguy站在墙后面在里面滑纸币出来吗standingbehindthewallwhoslidesdollarbillsinthere?不是-对哦No.-Yeah.是机器人Itsrobots.哦实际上你猜怎么着我确实有个严肃的问题Oh,actually,youknowwhat?Idoha
20、veaseriousquestion.在那个电影铁血战士里InthemoviePredator,你能往自己身上抹哪种泥巴canyourubanykindofmudonyourself避免猎食者用热力的热特征视力看到你topreventpredatorfromseeingyouwithhisthermalheatsignaturesight,还是那是更嗷糟透了orisitmore-0w!Thatsucks.你受伤了吗Areyouhurt?没都好都挺好No.Allgood.Allgood.哎呀除了我的嘴巴Oops.Exceptformymouth.哦哇五秒规则Oh,whoa,Five-second
21、rule.不啊No,ahh.来吧我们最好带你去看牙医Comeon,webettergetyoutoadentist.哦天啊Larry你的金枪鱼三明治熏臭了我的西装Oh,myGod,Larry.Yourtunafishsandwichstunkupmysuit.Gayle给我做的啊-不相干Gaylemadeitforme.-Irrelevant.你知道吗在外面呆着然后再检查一遍这些交易备忘录吧Youknowwhat?Stayouthereanddouble-checkthesedealmemos.如果你搞完了就检查第三次别进来就行Ifyougetthroughem,triple-checkem.
22、Justdontcomeinside.听起来不错我会吃完三明治欣赏风景的Soundsgood.Iwillfinishmysandwichandenjoytheview.嘿HarveyBenWyatt我们电♥话♥联♥系♥过了Hey,Harvey.BenWyatt.Wespokeonthephone.是是我们确实是好吧Yeah.Yeah,wesuredid.Okay.这个小妖怪是谁-TomHaverfordPawnee商业联络人Who,sthislittlegenierighthere?-TomHaverford,Pawneebusiness
23、liaison.行吧Okay.你们的合同就在这呢Gotyourcontractsforyourighthere.哇这比原来的一页版要厚多了啊Wow.Itsalotthickerthantheoriginalone-pageversion.我对待帐篷很严肃的Ben我是个帐篷人Itaketentsprettyseriously,Ben,matentguy.我光在这个仓库就有1300顶帐篷Igotover1,300tentsinthiswarehousealone.其中900顶超过180平方米80顶有条纹900ofthoseareover2,000squarefeet,80of,emarestrip
24、ed,而确切说有4顶曾被ReneRUSSO小姐租过andexactly4ofemwereoncerentedbyMissReneRusso.哇是啊真真儿的Whoa!-Yeah.Nodoy.我觉得我知道我在干什么IthinkIknowwhatmdoing.所以我加上了几个音节之类的玩艺儿SoIaddedafewsyllablesandwhatnot.条款等等附录诸如此类Clauses,etcetera.Addendums,whathaveyou.我们要不就继续给我签呗Whydontwegoaheadandsignthatforme?嗯我觉得我们得好好看看这些Yeah,Ithinkweregonn
25、aneedtotakealookatthis.嗯所以我猜着不是个简单交易啊Hmm.SoIguessthisisnotastraightforwarddeal.Shauna太开心你能赶上了你肤色晒得不错啊ShaUna,Imsogladyoucouldmakeit.Youresotan.哦谢谢我刚从罗马的单人旅行回来Oh,thanks.IjustgotbackfromasolotriptoRome.我本来要和我男朋友去的但他来不了Iwasgonnagowithmyboyfriend,buthecouldntcome因为他决定和他夫人呆着了becausehedecidedtostaywithhisw
26、ife.哎呀Oof.我爱罗马是个特别好的地方IloveRome.Itssuchagreatplace.罗马过气了你们都去过吉隆坡吗Romesplayedout.HaveyallbeentoKualaLumpur?你什么时候去过亚洲啊-我一直去的啊WhendidyougotoAsia?-1goallthetime.你觉得我按♥摩♥浴缸上的水晶佛像是从哪搞的WheredoyouthinkIgotthatcrystalBuddhaheadabovemyjacuzzi?你有按♥摩♥浴缸啊了解了Youhaveajacuzzi?Goodtoknow.
27、新Pawnee最好朋友的前景ProspectsfornewPawneebestfriend.DonnaMeagle自信满满善于处世我们是老交情了DonnaMeagle.Confident,worldly,wegowayback.AprilLudgate想象丰富年轻有为朝气蓬勃AprilLudgate.Vividimagination,young,andvibrant.ShaunaMalwae-Tweep漂亮虚弱做糟糕的生活决定ShaunaMalwae-Tweep.Pretty,fragile,makesterriblelifedecisions.真的需要修补但你看我认识Ann的时候她也没多好啊
28、Arealfixer-upper,butlook,itsnotlikeAnnwasdoingsohotwhenImether.EthelBeavers有点算是黑♥马♥脾气古怪但可能很有智慧EthelBeavers.Bitofadarkhorse.Crotchety,butprobablywise.然后我们有Evelyn也就是假AnnAndthenwegotEvelyn,akafakeAnn.我不知道她的姓实话说我们只是需要凑人数1dontknowherlastname.Honestlywejustneededbodies.谢谢各位这么临时都能聚在一起Thankyou
29、,everyone,forgettingtogetheronsuchshortnotice,然后闺蜜节快乐andhappyGalentine1Sday.嗯严格来说今天不是正确日期Now,thisisnottechnicallytherightdate,但任何时候一群女人聚在一起吃早午餐butanytimeagroupofwomengettogetherforbrunch,我们都能体现出这个节1=1的精神weembodythespiritoftheholiday.今天我们庆祝友谊一起共度几个小时Todaywewillcelebratefriendship,spendafewhourstogeth
30、er,然后回答一些我汇总的问题andansweracoupleofquestionsvecompiled.只为了好玩不是认真的Justforfun.Nothingserious.但请完全诚实地回答问题Butpleaseanswerthemwithcompletehonesty因为我能分辨你是不是撒谎cause1Ibeabletotellifyourelying.敬女友们-耶Togirlfriends!-Yay.女友们-呜呼Girlfriends.-Whoo-hoo!好了到了来点闺蜜节问答的时候了Okay,itstimeforalittleGalentine1SdayQ&A.Donna你先挑Do
31、nna,youpickfirst.“你最喜欢的电视剧是什么”WhatisyourfavoriteTVshow?嗯推特直播的话我选丑闻Well,forlivetweeting,itsScandal.刷剧的话是丑闻Forbingewatching,it,sScandal.但就时尚而言实际上是丑闻Butforfashion,itsactuallyScandal.我的答案是丑闻-哈APrilMyanswerisScandal.-Hmm.April?哦我爱在YouTube上看俄♥罗&hearts撕♥交通事故Ooh,IlovewatchingRussiantrafficacci
32、dentsonYouTube同时用错误的速度播放儿童音乐whileIplaychildrensmusicatthewrongRPM.我喜欢选美比赛所有人都又开心又完美Ilikebeautypageants.Everyoneissohappyandperfect.我喜欢谋杀诊断书还有情♥色♥电影1likeDiagnosisMurder.Andskinflicks.有人能给我加酒吗Cananybodytopmeoff?最喜欢电视剧的正确答案是胜利之光ThecorrectanswerforfavoriteTVshowisFridayNightLights.正确答案吗-下一
33、个问题Thecorrectanswer?-Nextquestion.好吧这个合同也太离谱rOkay,thiscontractisinsane.有人进入帐篷还要额外收费吗Itcostsextratohavepeopleinsidethetents?门帘税又是什么-嗯你需要门帘的Andwhatsaflaptax?-Well,youneedflaps,bro.没有门帘的帐篷基本上就是降落伞Atentwithoutflapsisbasicallyaparachute.展开费用吗Anunfoldingcharge?噪音损害弃权书噪音怎么能损害帐篷的Anoisedamagewaiver?Howcannoi
34、sedamagetents?嘘拜托声音小一点这里有帐篷的Shh.Keepyourvoicedown,please,therestentshere.你们看你们想怎么跟我吵都可以Now,look,youcanarguewithmeallyouwant,但你俩傻尾♥不同意的每一个单项butforeverylineitemthatyoutwoidiotsdisagreewith,都会有$50的额外讨论费用现在多少了甜妹儿theresgonnabea$50discussionsurcharge.Whatareweupto,doll?$400-额外讨论费吗疯了吧$400.-Adiscussi
35、onsurcharge?Thatsnuts.$450-算了交易取消$450.-Thatsit.Dealsoff.我们再找地方做生意吧Welltakeourbusinesselsewhere.你们自便先生们抱歉我们没谈成Suityourself；gentlemen.Sorrywecouldntmakeadeal.等等等等我再试一件事Waiwait.Letmetryonemorething.现在价格呢What,sthepricenow?再加$80我喜欢另外一种$80more.Ilikeditbettertheotherway.确实有效果呢Doeshaveaneffect,though.接待员说只要
36、有空位就能把你排进去Thereceptionistsaysshellfityouinassoonastheresanopening.如果你没事了我就要回公园了Ifyoureallright,Imgonnaheadbacktothepark.等等等等等等很快很快的Wait,wait,wait,realquick,realquick.你知道我的社保号♥码是多少吗Doyouknowwhatmysocialsecuritynumberis?或者我对什么过敏吗Orifmallergictoanything?我不喜欢玉米我应该写下吗Idontlikecorn.ShouldIputthatdo
37、wn?还是说会让人费解因为我确实喜欢玉米糖Orwillthatbeconfusing?BecauseIdolikecandycorn.哦ROn真是混乱啊0h,Ron.Whatamess.来让我帮你吧Here,letmehelpyou.我想要的只是有两个小时能忘记我是个家长AllIwantedwastwohourswhereIgottoforgetthatIwasaparent.Ron你看我找到了三个不同之处Ron,look.Ifoundallthreedifferences.这是两张完全不同的图片Thosearetwocompletelydifferentpictures.“女士之选”-哦百搭
38、选择Ladieschoice.-Ooh!Wildcardoption.好吧任何人透露关于她们生活的任何细节什么都行Okay,anybodyrevealanythingabouttheirlife,anythingatall.我取消过两次婚约Ivegottentwoannulments.KeithSweat90年代流行R&B歌♥手一次是娱乐一次是完成针对KeithSweat的长♥期♥骗局Oneforpleasure,andonetocapoffalongconIwasrunningagainstKeithSweat.哇Ethel你曾好吧Ethel睡着了S
39、hauna呢Wow.Ethel,haveyou-Okay,Ethelsasleep.Shauna?我在基于我的播客撰写一本回忆录mwritingamemoirbasedonmyblog.书名叫做Tweep持假象lt,scalledTweepingUpAppearances,是关于我通过在微笑中度过痛苦来寻找幸福的旅程anditsaboutmyjourneytofindhappinessbysmilingthroughthepain.好吧这我可以处理Okay,Icanworkwiththat.Knope你在那个笔记本里折腾什么呢Knope,whatyougotgoingoninthatnoteb
40、ook?就在我可靠的口记本里随手记F一些回忆Justjottingdownmemoriesinmytrustyoldjournal.“友谊排名那是啥啊Friendshiprankings.Whatsthat?不是听起来的那个样子It,snotwhatitsoundslike.仅仅是一种让我想出你们哪一个是最棒的方法Itssimplyawayformetofigureoutwhichoneofyouisthebest.那也太混乱了-是啊那也太没劲了我走了Thatsmessedup.-Yeah,thatisreallylame,andmleaving.你不该是这样的Knope-Donna你生个什么
41、气啊Yourebetterthanthat,Knope.-Donna,whyareyouangry?你排名第一啊-拜各位这真的是场Youwereinfirstplace.-Bye,everyone.Thiswasareally.早午餐-礼物袋留下brunch.-Leavethebag.如果你明年还搞这个就别联♥系♥我Ifyoudothisagainnextyear,don,tcallme.嗯默认值的话那就是Shauna了Well,bydefault,itsShauna.那就是你想找到新最佳好友的办法对吧Thatshowyouwanttofindyournewbest
42、friend,right?默认值Bydefault?我呆在那个满是灰的仓库里毛孔都堵死了Myporesarecloggedupfrombeinginthatdustywarehouse.我要去看看这家加油站有没有碧柔鼻贴mgonnacheckifthisgasstationhassomeBiorestrips.哦谢谢了Larry你这样真好Aw,thanks,Larry,that,sniceofyou.Gayle总是让我擦挡风玻璃Gaylealwayshasmedothewindshield.她喜欢站在我后面看着Shelikestostandbehindmeandwatch.她说那是最好看的角度
43、Accordingtoher,itsthebestview.Gayle还好吗-哦太棒了HowisGayle?-Oh,wonderful.姑娘们呢-她们很好Andthegirls?-Theyregood.你为什么想知道-我真心感兴趣Whydoyouwanttoknow?-mgenuinelyinterested.对不起我就是不习惯办公室的人们问我事情msorry.mjustnotusedtopeoplefromtheofficeaskingmethings.有点可怕但是好的方式Itskindofscary.Butinagoodway,though.嗷天我错过了一次Larry屁吗Aw,man,di
44、dImissaLarryfart?哦不呃我们只是在-0h,no,uh,wewerejust-是啊Tom是的我-我真的放了一个不是么BenYeah,Tom.Yeah,I-Ireallyrippedone.Didnt,Ben?是啊是啊声音挺大Yeah.Yeah,itwasloud.闻起来像头河马在臭鼬身上拉了一泡Smellslikeahippopotamustookadumponaskunk.这是为了你好Itsinyourbestinterest.GoofusandGallant儿童漫画主角为两个性格对立的小男孩嗯数字不会骗人我是个没头脑不是不高兴Well,thenumbersdontlie.ma
45、goofus,notagallant.感觉呆了一百年了Beenhereforever.我们能走了吗Canwego?你不想把你牙齿补好了吗Dontyouwanttogetyourtoothfixed?我不知道啊我觉得我牙齿就这样看起来挺好Idontknow,Ithinkmytoothlooksfinejustlikethis.嗯我外婆也没有那颗牙齿Well,mygrandmotherwasmissingthattooth,而她是她石油钻塔上最美丽的女人andshewasthemostbeautifulwomanonheroilrig.你是个成年人了我也不是你♥爸♥YouareanadultIamnotyourdad.如果你想走我们可以走-耶谢了RonIfyouwanttogo,wecango.-Yay.Thanks,Ron.所以你才知道虽然你不是我爸Thatswhyyouknoweventhoughyourenotmydad,你就像是我的老大哥yourelikeanoldbrothertome.就像是个酷叔叔但是老像是个爷爷1.ikeacooluncle,butold.Likeagrandpa.但是酷像是个儿子Butcoollikeason.非常感谢-谢谢Thankyouverymuch.-Thankyou.没问题一共是$8谢谢Noproblem.T
