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1、10周背下30段续写名场面换位移情文本背诵注意点：1 .关注短语和结构用法及使用场景；2 .关注上下文情节衔接，及语言层次；3 .在后续写作中训练中，多次运用，已达到“浑然天成，熟练运用”的效果；4 .文本需要多次反复背诵，利用早读或者晚自习的时间。不要一遍过，切记：反复多次复习，直至可以熟练背诵，并且将句子和短语熟练用在作文训练中。第一周01Whenwewerestandingbackstage,IIerVOUSlleSS/tensioncamefloodingoverme.（情绪做主语）Icouldfeelmyheartinmymouthwhenmynamewascalled.WhileI
2、waswalkingontothestage,Icouldfeelmypalmssweating,heartbeatracinguncontrollably.（独立主格）However,thehallDaCkedwith（IudiCnCemademeevenmorenervous.（情绪加深：站在台上看到观众后，让我觉得更加紧张）Myheartbeatwildlyandmylegstrembled.Withbutterfliesinmystomach.Ibreatheddeeply.IstoodtheresonervouslythatIfeltmythroattight,wonderingwh
3、attodonext.Therefore,Ireachedtograbherhand,onlytofindherfreezingfingerssweatingandtrembling.（Onlytodo表出乎意料的结果）【赏析】本段文字的侧重在于“紧张”情绪的多种描写，首先可以为同学们提供丰富的语料素材；其次，这段话很好地体现出了：“情绪描写层次感”这个概念。在描写情绪时，同学们很容易陷入“重复表达”的怪圈，即“同样的表达”重复说。而本段中However,thehallpackedwithaudiencemademeevenmorenervous.这句话则很好得衔接了前后的关系，把情绪从在后台
4、的“紧张”到站在“台前”的“更加紧张”，进行了非常好的层次过度。从而把一段“紧张的情绪”写得生动可感。02Onthejourneytothelake,awideexcitementtookholdOfMom.（情绪做主语的现象）Mominsistedthat（此处省略了should,insist的虚拟语气用法）wegocampinginthenextvillage,hereyesglittering/twinklingwithexcitement.（独立主格，眼睛闪光）Whenwearrivedatthecampingplace,Momcouldntwaittozoomoutandexcite
5、dlyurgedustoputupthetent.Then,Momwalkedtowardsthelake,andthencameanexcitedscream/andthencameascreamofexcitement（倒装结构）.Enjoyingthebeautifulview,Momcouldhardlycontainherexcitement.Certainly,asitwasthefirsttimethatwehadhelpedfathercookfoodoutdoors,mybrotherandIalsofeltthrilled.Breathinginthefreshairand
6、smellingthedeliciousfood,wejumpedupanddownwithexcitement.【赏析】本段侧重描写家人兴奋开心的情绪。本段大家可以关注“互动”描写，妈妈和孩子们之间的互动动作支撑起来整段话的核心情节。妈妈要求孩子们搭帐篷等。其中这几个高级结构需要大家重点积累：独立主格结构：hereyesglittering/twinklingwithexcitement.倒装结构：thencameanexcitedscreamo031.ookingatAnne,sfacewetwithtears,Ibegantofeelregretfulandguilty.Suddenly
7、,Anneletoutacryofregret,Tmsosilly.ThenshedashedoutbeforeIcouldsayaword,leavingmedumbwithdeepregret.Ifrozethere,withregretfultearsinmyeyes.IfonlyIhadnotquarreledwithAnne!（虚拟语气：要是就好了，该句型多用于表达“后悔悔恨”的情绪）Finally,withguiltandregretflowinginmymind（with的复合结构）,IrushedouttoapologizetoAnne.【赏析】本段侧重描写主人公悔恨和愧疚的情
8、绪。除了常见的羞愧相关的动作描写，这段话中的“ifOnly”表达“要是就好了”的意思，为虚拟语气的常用结构。该句型常用语“悔恨、懊丧”的情绪表达，例句如下1 .“要是我当初听取了妈妈的建议该多好！“小女孩低声对自己说。“IfonlyIhadlistenedtomymothersadvice!thelittlegirlwhisperedtoherself.2 .要是她没有把手机留在汤姆的包里就好了。IfonlyshehadnotlefthermobilephoneinthatbagwithTom.第二周04Asthetwinslookedaroundthemindisappointment,th
9、eirfatherappeared.Atthesightofthemessandtheexpressionsofdismayontheirfaces,heimmediatelyrealizedWhaIIheyWereUDto.Needanyhelp?”fathergentlyinquired,smilinglylookingatthetwins.WhOfeltdiscouragedatbeingfoundscrewingthingsup.Atthis,thetwinscheeredupandrolleduptheirsleevestocleanthestovebeforetheylearned
10、tofrythebreadfollowingtheirfathersinstructions.SooncamethedelicioussmellofFrenchtoastandchickenporridge,atwhichthetwinsfeltagreatsenseofachievement.Witheverythingsettled（解决了），fatherleftthekitchen,promisingtokeeptheirsecret.【赏析】本段核心是父亲和孩子间的互动，以及孩子的态度转变。本段的动作语料丰富，看、说、手上动作和心理活动都很充分。其次，本段中孩子情绪的转变是主线。从一开
11、始被父亲发现的“担心被责备”，到听到父亲的支持后，瞬间变得“兴奋”，配合的动作从“stammeredouttheirplan,hisfaceflushingwithembarrassment,到“cheeredupandrolleduptheirsleevesw,这一点体现了“避免动作泛化”的原则。05WhenIapproachedthehouse,abigleafytreecameintoviewatsomedistance.Iglancedbackovermyshouldertomakesurethatnoonewasfollowingme（这个动作体现出小心翼翼的样子）.Seeingno
12、otherpeoplenoticeme,IplacedtheChristmaspresentdownandpounded（敲）thedoorbell.Afterthat,Ihidquicklybehindthebigtreeandpeepedoutatthedoor.WhenJamescameoutandspottedthebox,hiseyeswidenedinsurprise.Hiseyesfellonthewarmovercoat.Thenhejumpedup,eyestwinklingasherantocallhismother.【赏析】本段主要描写“秘密的”善意举动；本段的构思比较好
13、，很好得通过动作细节展开来描写主人公小心JI具的样子。同时用眼睛的三种不同表现手段（hiseyeswidenedinsurprise；Hiseyesfellon.;eyestwinkling）,表达了对方的惊喜。06Whensheheardthenewsthatshefailedtowinaprize,herheartsank.Shebitherlowerlipwithsadnessfillingherheart.Inanunpleasantmood/Inlowspirits,shedraggedherheavylegsbackhome,tiredout.Onenteringherbedroo
14、m,shefeltthatsadnesscameinwaves.Then,shethrewherselfdownontothebed,andcouldnthelpcryingbitterly.Duringfollowingdays,shefeltlikeshewasfloatinginanoceanofsadness,notwantingtodoanything.【赏析】本段内容侧重描写“失落、伤心的情绪，通过“心理”和动作来集中展示主人公的情绪，例如：bitherlowerlip；draggedherheavylegs；threwherselfdownontothebed；cryingbit
15、terly；floatinginanoceanofsadness.第三周07Joefinallyreachedthecouple.Catchingtherope.heyelledatthetopofhislungs.HavingreceivedJoe,smessage,CharlieandJanetwistedtheirfiguresandclutchedtheropetightly.Together,threeofthemswamagainstthetorrentalongtheropeandfinallymadeittothebank.AsJoehauledthecouplefromthe
16、flood,thebreathlessJanewastoomovedtoutterasingleword.OnlyCharlieheldJoeshandstightlyandsputteredwithachokingtone,Thank.you.,you.kindstranger,without.yourhelp,JaneandIwouldhavebeen.drownedtodeath.Joeshruggedoffandsaidanyoneathisplacewouldhavedonethesamething.Indeed,whatanarrowescapetheyhadandwhatagoo
17、dSamaritanJoeis!【赏析】本段采取了“顺序描写”，以“救人上岸”为“分界”，前半段为“救人场景”，后半段为“感谢场景”。本段前半部分侧重于描写主人公卡车司机救人的细节动作描写；利用大量的动作描写，凸显了救人时“千钧一发的紧迫感”，例如：yellatthetopofone,slungs,clutch,haul,等具体动作。后续感恩的部分，利用了“动作、情绪、对话”三种手段来表达，其中“anyoneathisPlaCeWoUldhaVedonetheSamething.”这句话为虚拟语气结构。意为：在相同处境下的任何人都可能做出同样的事情，也体现了助人者JOe的乐观和豁达。08The
18、instantshecameintomysight,mypreviousdisappointmentsuddenlygavewaytoexhilaration.Hoveringinfrontofmyface,shelookedintomyeyesagainandturnedherheadfromsidetosideasifgreetingmeinherownspecialway.HerseeminglyUnnoticeablebuzzing（嗡嗡声，拟声词）soundedlikewhisperingtome.NeverhadIanticipatedthatsheshould（居然、竟然）eve
19、ndancebetweenmyfingers.Probablyitwasjustabeautifulcoincidence,butitreallymademyday.ItWaSSUChanamazingexperiencethatIWOUklCheriShitfortherestOfmlife.Fromthenon.Igotthefaiththateverycreatureshouldbetreatedwiththesametoleranceandequality.动物互动的表达狗狗和主人的互动Barktomakehimselfnoticed1.ickmyfacewithexcitementt
20、oshowhisinexhaustibleenthusiasmWaggeditstailasiftogreetmein.【赏析】本段的描写围绕三部分展开“情绪转变一人鸟互动思考升华”第一部分用了48句法的结构中，情绪转变的常用结构之一“AgiveswaytoB”，用来承接该段落的“起始句”。第二部分要进行“主人公和蜂鸟”的互动，实际考试中，很多同学苦恼于“对蜂鸟的陌生感“，而不知道该如何描写这部分。起始这里，出题者给我们留下了线索，在原文文本中，反复出现了hover,turnheadfromsidetoside这样的描写，起始可以被“借鉴使用”，而且还可以起到“与上下文呼应”的效果。此外，作者
21、还加入了一个特殊的“声音”描写，利用buzzing和SoUndIike的结构，营造出“动作+声音+想象”的立体感受。（注意：描写动物的反馈时，动物不会出现表情和语言，因此动物的很多动作的“意义”都需要加入人的想象去解读，例如：asifto,appeartobe,seemtobe,soundlike这些短语都有“似乎，好像”，体现出语言的严谨性。）第三部分中，需要侧重个人的思考和主题的升华，人与自然的和谐相处。（当然此篇也可以写成“难忘经历”，仅仅写到难忘即可，不需要更多的深度升华）。这部分描写运用了neverhadI.的倒装句；makeone,Sday（高考完形填空短语）getthefaith
22、that（同位语从句）等加分结构和句型。09Freddiewassurprisedbuthappytoseehisclassmate.Zoomingoutside,FreddiegreetedDioninexhilaration,withhisminddriftingtohisvideogame.UponhearingthatFreddieonlymadearoundsnowmaninsuchspecialday,Dionteasedwithgiggles.AbewilderingarrayofemotionseizedFreddie,whowaspuzzledoverthemeaningfu
23、leventshecoulddo.Withfreezingwindhowlingandsnowflakedrifting,twoboyspacedupanddownaroundthesnowman.Allinasplitsecond（时间状语，衔接前后文），Dionbrokethesilence,“Whynothelppeopleshovelthesnowandcleanthedriveway?”Additionally,Dionindicatedthattheheavysnowhadcutoffthemainroadofthetownandbroughtmuchinconvenience.【
24、赏析】本段又是一篇侧重“互动一转变”的过程描写。主人公一开始讨厌下雪天气，却被妈妈逼迫出来“玩雪”，心中却一直记挂着“电子游戏”。小伙伴的“嘲笑”，让主人公觉得迷惑，这样的天气到底能做什么样“有意义的”事情。在对话和思考中，穿插了一定的环境和天气描写，此处的天气描写是有意义的，结合了上下文，且对后续情节设计有帮助。（切忌在任何文章中都加入模板化的“环境描写“，脱离上下文语境的环境描写会显得“无病呻吟”）。第四周IOJordannodded,ttIletheroutlastnight.,Mymouthdroppedopen.ttShewasoutsideallnight?Iwassofuriou
25、s,44Itwasfreezingandshecoulddie!”Jordanchokedbackhiswords,stunned.IgrabbedmyCOatandrushedoutside.Jordanfollowed,fearwellingupinhiseyes.Severalminuteslater,thepoorthingwasfound,shakingandcurlingintoatinyball.IPiCkeCIherup,IlllSlIreWhetherSheWaSaliveOrdead,Jordanwasscared,“Weneedavet!Now!”【赏析】本段侧重描写妈妈
26、得知自己家的猫被儿子放走之后的反应，从“惊讶”到“生气”的情绪表达；同时本段侧重家人间的矛盾和沟通的描写，因此找猫的过程就可以被“略写”。此处需要关注的是“详略设计”。主要矛盾需要突出，次要情节需要“交代到位”即可，否则会导致文本“详略失衡”，给读者一种“主题不明确”的感觉。11Themomentthegentlemanleft,Mr.Rosewentinsearchofhisson.Muchflustered,Mr.RosehadfoldCharlesthathemustneverventureontheriver,andhethoughthecouldtrusthim.Withanxiet
27、y,hesprintedtotheriver,andpacedupanddown,inhopeofseeingtheboat.Failingtocatchsightofit,hegrewuneasy.HethoughtCharlesmusthavegonealongwayoff.Unwillingtoleavewithoutlearningsomethingofhim,hewenttothehut.Whenheputhisheadinattheopenwindow,apleasantsightmethiseyes.Charleswasatthetable,rulingacopybookJoew
28、asreadingtohim,whilehismotherwassmilinginthecorner.Somewhatstunnedbutdelighted,heslidawaysilently,adecisionmadeinhisheart.【赏析】本段属于“群像描写，涉及的人物较多，需要考虑“详略设计父亲是本段的主角，重点突出其寻找儿子且一开始找不到的时候非常焦急的心情，运用了一系列的短语，例如：sprint,pace,getuneasy等具体表达方式。同时本文涉及人物较多，注意除了父亲外的其他角色需要“笔墨适度避免其他角色喧宾夺主。12惊讶-迷惑-紧张（拆开）-喜悦Outsidethed
29、oorstoodanoldmanwithawhitebeardandaredcap,holdingawell-packedbox.Wearingaradiantsmile,themanreachedouthishands,passedtheboxtomeandgrinned“Christmasgiftforyou”.Astonishedattheunexpectedguestandgift,Iwasatalosswhattosay.Themomentheblendedintothedarkness,Iuntiedtheribbonwithheartthumpingwildly.Insideth
30、eboxlayateddybearIhadlongedforwithanattachedcard.Onceagain,Icouldn,tcontainmytears.【赏析】本段侧重描写了主人公获得意外礼物时的过程激动心情。注重动作的细节描写，例如“reachouthishands,atalosswhattosayuntietheribbon,第五周13ButasIlaunchedinto（热情地，充满激情地）myspeech.Iknewthatthingswereverywrong.Duetolackoftraining（解释原因，梳理逻辑）,1failedtogetthekeypointo
31、fmyspeech,forwhichIwasntwellprepared.Ididntknowwhattosayandmymindjustwentblank.IwassonervousthatIjuststoodthere,withmypalmssweating.Ifeltallthepeoplepresentwerelookingatmewithstrangeeyes.（周围人的反应）Withmyfaceburning,Iwasveryembarrassedandshedbigbigsweat.（自己的反应）【赏析】本段在描写“慌神”的情绪方面，用词进准，细节全面，从内心感受到外显表现都能够
32、很好得呈现，so.that结构，独立主格，定语从句等都能够自然运用。14Hiswordsleftmeashamed（使人.处于.的状杰）andIdecidedtomakeachange.Insteadofplayingtricksonhelplessanimals,IdidwhatIcouldtotakecareofthem.（对立转折）Withmyfathershelp（外在因素），Ibecameavolunteerinourlocalanimalshelter,feedingorwalkinganimals.Ievensetasidemypocketmoneytocontributetoc
33、haritywhichhelpssavehomelessanimals.（具体行动）Onceatroublemaker,lateracaregiver,Igraduallywonpeople,spraiseandrespect1hadntexperiencedbefore.（结果反馈）Mostimportantly,neverbeforehad1feltsorewardedandhonoredforwhatIdidforanimals.（倒装结构，收尾感慨）【赏析】本段与前文不同之处在于，这是一段“心路历程”的描写，描述了主人公从一个以前经常“惹麻烦者”变成了“动物保护者”的过程。有具体的心理
34、活动，也有略写的具象行动。15Youcannotimaginehowfrightenedwewereattheapproachofthepolarbear.Aburstofhorrorheldmeentirelyin（within）itspower,andIwasunabletomoveaninch.Extremelyfrightened,Ifeltmylegsweretremblingandmypalmsweresweating.（人物转场:从我到妻子）Besidemewasmywife,whowasstandingstill,frozenwithfear.1.ookingatthepola
35、rbearsbloodymouth,shewasnearlydeadwithfrht.Awaveoffearswelledupin/sweptoverher.Herthroattightenedandherkneesfeltweak.【赏析】本段侧重描写主人公夫妇二人在看到北极熊向他们扑来时，两个人的“害怕与惊恐”的心理活动。无灵主语的运用(aburstof.awaveof)、现在分词作伴随(lookingat)、过去分词表状态(frozenwithfear)是本段的语言亮点，请大家关注。第六周16EveryoneintheclassroomwaschattinghappilywhileJan
36、esatalone,ataloss.Anairofsorrowandlonelinesssettledoverher.Feelingleftout,Janewasgettingdesperatewithloneliness.Sherodehomefromschoolslowly,numbwithsorrow.Thenshelockedherselfinherroom,abandoningherselftogreatsadness.ShefeltSOSadthatShefoundherselfCrYiIIJunconsciously.UlIabIetoholdbackhertears.Shewe
37、ptquietly,feelingitwasthesaddestmomentforheryounglife.【赏析】本选段侧重“悲伤的情绪，用了六种不同的表达方式，值得同学们来积累。Anairofsorrow.侧重氛围描写；feelleftout表示自己被冷落，这里表达了内心悲伤的原因。Findoneself+(分词、介词短语)：突然发现自己.(表示自己也未预料到)举例：IfoundmyselflostforWOrdS.我突然发现自己不知该说什么。IfoundmyselfirresistiblydrawntoStevesworld.我发现自己情不自禁地被史蒂夫的世界所吸引了。Icrossedt
38、hehill,andfoundmyselfinafieldofyoungbarley.我翻过那座山，发现自己来到了一块大麦苗地。Astheycameinmydirection,Iputonmybrightestandhappiestsmile.Despitethesmilesonmyface（照应提示句的关键词），myheartwasstillfilledwithdeepanxiety.Havingnoideahowtoservethesalad,Ijustfumbledwithplatesandraisedthespoonclumsily.TheSeeminglyendlesslongIin
39、eevenmadememoretenseandmySmiIefadedaway.（情绪层次感描写）Atthismoment,noticingmyawkwardness,theladynexttomesteppedforward,reachedoutherhandandpattedmeontheshoulder,sayingsoftly,honey,thisisyourfirstdayandweallappreciatewhatyoudo.（情绪转变的外在因素）Atthis,astrongsenseofachievementsweptovermeasIlookedatherwrinkledfac
40、e.ThenextseveralhourswitnessedmypatienceandhardworkandIwasgreetedbywidesmilesandwordsofappreciation.（无灵主语结构简述过程）Thisspecialexperiencereallymademyday.（简单收尾，强调有意义或难忘）【赏析】本段是描写主人公第一次在“公益厨房”为“homelesspeople”做公益服务，因此非常紧张。本段根据场景的变化，描写出了紧张情绪的“层次感Theseeminglyendlesslonglineevenmadememoretenseandmysmilefaded
41、away.这句话就非常完美得写出了从紧张到更紧张”的层次感。这一点是值得同学们学习的写作技法。同时，任何情绪的转折必然要涉及“内在或外在的”因素，这篇文章中，外在的因素就是“theladynexttome”，这个人物是前文中出现过的，因此再次出现也比较合理，她对我的鼓励让我能够继续振作起来，勇敢面对这个挑战。其次，本段最后的两句话，用无灵主语结构简略描述了“工作”的活成和结果，体现了“详略得当”的情节要求。18Butherememberedtherewasnopinkdressinthelaundrybasket.Wherediditcomefrom?*,Jeremywondered,reac
42、hingintothewashertotakeoutmoreclothes.Thenmuchtohisastonishment,hepulledouttwoT-shirts,bothinlightpink.Realizingtherewassomethingwrong,Jeremystoodfrozen,hisheartsinking.Whilerackinghisbrainforreasons,hecaughtsightoftheredsocks,anditsuddenlyoccurredtohimthattheymustbetoblamefortheaccident.Withnomeans
43、ofhandlingthesituation,Jeremywasinsuchapanicthatheeventhoughtofhidingthedressfromhismom.44Thatisntapositiveapproachtotheproblem,heremindedhimself.Finally,hedecidedtodryandfoldthelaundrybeforetellinghismomeverything.【赏析】本段情节重点在从“迷惑不解到惊慌失措”，再到“理智想办法”的情绪和动作关系；并且可以再段落中，运用“意识”、视觉、“动作”非常顺滑地衔接起前后情节，例如：much
44、tohisastonishment,realizing,itsuddenlyoccurredtohimthat.,remindhimself等，体现出了“衔接恰当”的情节设计要求。第七周19Thinkingfast,hestartedjumpingupanddownandwavingbothhandswildly.*Stop!Stop!”hecried.Thecarslowedtoastop/cometoaStODzhalt,andthedriverstuck/pokedhisheadoutofthewindowwithapuzzledlook.Alexdartedforwardandpoin
45、tedatthemovingturtle.4tmjusttryingtosaveit.heexplained.Withanunderstanding/knowingsmile,thedriverapplaudedhisefforts.SeeingIheCarDUningaway（对比：DUHup/pullover）,AIeXWaSIoStindeepthoughts.ttMaybeIcouldputupasigntowarnpeopletherewereturtlescrossingtheroad,“hesaidtohimselfThenhehammerednailsintothewoodto
46、makeaflatboard,afterWhiehhepaintedavividpictureofaturtleinthemiddleandadded*tSlow!TurtlesCrossingatthebottom.HehadcompletedallhisworkwhenDadarrivedhome,whoofferedtocarrythesigntothespot.TogethertheyfixedtheSignintoIhegroundbythesideoftheroad.Withtheirworkdone/Havingfinishedtheirwork,theybothbreathed
47、aSighofreliefandheadedhomewithgreatsatisfaction.【赏析】本段前半部分侧重在主人公Alex如何与司机进行互动的过程；后半部分描写了他如何提醒路人注意海龟出没的细节。其中有描写他从产生想法到实施计划的活成，包括如何制作工具的细节，值得大家积累思路和学习细节表达。20Onthedayofthecontest,Ibegantoloseconfidenceinmyselfandsufferedfromstagefright.IntheendIwalkedoffthestage,myeyesfilledwithtears.Finally,resultswer
48、eannouncedafterthecontest.Ididnotwinanyprizes.Ibitmybottomlipwithsadnessfillingmyheart.Idraggedmyheavylegswithasinkingheartandmovedoutofthelecturehall.Ihungmyheadinsadness,greatsorrowcloudingmyeyes.Onenteringtheclassroom,disappointmentandsadnesscameinwavesandtearsstreameddownmycheeks.Thenextfollowingdays,IfeltlikeIwasfloatinginanoceanofsadness,notwantingtodoanything.【赏析】本段侧重描写比赛失利后，内心失落的情绪。(前面有一个片段是台上的紧张情绪)。这段把失落的情绪通过“移位换情”的方式，描写出了情绪层次感，这一点值得大家积累学习。21“Hewashungryandpoor,buthewastrulyanhonestman,herhusbandsaidwitha
