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1、哺乳动物保罗你好啊美人你什么时候回来？星期一我想你我也想你我想念你的屁♥股♥我想念你的小♥弟♥弟♥J,Holdmecloseandholdmefast,themagic.J1JJThisislavieenrose.JJJToturnintolovesongs.JJ我们要错过了-错过什么？Wearegoingtomissit.-What?日落-加速前进Thesunset!-Putyourfootdown!你看到这些路了吗？Haveyouseentheseroads?在网上有一对夫妇泡着热水浴Onthewebsitetherei
2、sacouplesittinginahottub,喝着香槟看日落drinkingchampagne,watchingthesunset.那就是我们我们付钱就是为了这个Thatsus.Thatswhatwepaidfor.要是我们死了呢？-环顾四周Whatifwedie?-1.ookaroundyou.我在看-你能不能mwatchingthefucking.-Canyouhonestly,想到更好的死法？seriouslythinkofabetterwaytogo?如果我们越过那座悬崖IfwegooverthatCIifC翻滚250米还燃烧起来rolleighthundredfeetandbur
3、stintoflames,我们就会成为我们认识的最酷的人wedbethecoolestpeopleweknow!好吧等一下Okay,hangon!好的等等Okay.Holdon,holdon.我们做到了Wemadeit.Okay.是哪一间？我不知道Oh.Whichoneisit?-1dontknow.我不记得是那间蓝色小木屋还是另一间了Icantrememberifit,sthebluecabinortheonethatisn,tblue.没信♥号♥♥Oh,shit!Ivegotnosignal.我想就是那间了-快走但要小心点！1thinkthatst
4、heone.-Quick,go,butbecareful!好的漂亮Yes.Whoo!Beautiful.没时间r!No.Notime!你要干什么？Whatareyoudoing?没时间F!Theresnotime!快进来Getin!我不能进去！-跳进热水浴缸Icantgetin.-Getinthehottub!好了好了Yay!Okay!-Okay.我们成功了！Wemadeit.看看这景色1.ookatthat所以呢So.你是想先打开行李还是先做♥爱♥再打开行李？Doyouwanttounpackorfuckfirstandthenunpack?第二个B.如果你可以和
5、我Ifyoucouldbesittingwithme或者历史上任何一个女人坐在一起你会选择谁？oranywomaninhistory,whowouldyouchoose?真是难以定夺Ah,itsatoss-upbetweenyou,你、简、曼斯菲尔德和方达JanesMansfieldandFonda,黛比哈莉还是碧昂丝我都摇摆不定DebbieHarry,orBeyonceatanypointinhistory.你呢？You?马龙白兰度Um.MarlonBrando.阿尔贝加缪Ah.-AlbertCamus.拉斯普♥京♥Uh-hmm.-Rasputin.俄&heart
6、s;罗♥斯♥最伟大的爱情机器Russiasgreatestlovemachine.保罗纽曼Um,PaulNewman,伊基波普-那位年轻的猫王IggyPop,theyoungElvisPresley.这里越来越拥挤了Itsgettingcrowded.亨利米勒HenryMiller.瑞恩高斯林RyanGosling.还有你Andyou.不等等史蒂夫麦昆Oh,wait!SteveMcQueen.亨利米勒HenryMiller.瑞恩高斯林RyanGosling.奥蒂斯雷丁OtisRedding.普林斯和你Prince.You.我们能在这些事情上坦诚相待真是太好了Itsn
7、icethatwecanbehonestaboutthesethings.是我造成的0w.-Ah,1madehimdothat.他醒了Oh,he,swakingup.是吗？Yeah?是Yeah.感觉到了吗？-嗯Feelthat?-Yeah.你认为他会喜欢我们吗？Doyouthinkhe,sgonnalikeus?一开始会Atfirst.之后他会觉得我们很丢人Thenhellfindusembarrassing.之后就会讨厌我们Thenhateus.希望过段时间他又会喜欢我们了Thenhopefullyafterawhilehelllikeusagain.但别太喜欢Butnottoomuch,e
8、h,sowhenweregone,这样当我们离开人世他会有点想念我们之后就把我们忘得一干二净了hemissesusforabit,andthenforgetsallaboutus.周年快乐白金汉夫人HappyAnniversary,MrsBuckingham.白金汉夫人Andyou,Mr.Buckingham.你来听听1.istentothis!“在寻找终极休闲吗？1.ookingfortheultimateinrelaxation?,来自普利茅斯的合格按♥摩&hearts师索尼娅Qualifiedmasseuse,Sonia,fromPlymouth,提供热石、瑞典:式深度按&
9、hearts;摩♥provideshotstone,Swedishslashdeeptissuemassage,灵气按♥摩♥或耳烛疗法Reiki,andslashorearcandling.“75英镑起“Fromseventy-fivequid.我们做吗？好啊！Shallwe?-Doit!好吧Allright.来自普利茅斯的索尼娅SoniafromPlymouth.今天是你的幸运日Itisyourluckyday.请给我预约两位灵气按♥摩♥TwoReikislashmassages,please!阿曼丁？Amandine!阿
10、曼丁出来Amandine!Yougottagetouthere!有条鲸鱼Theresawhale!我不是在开玩笑那边有条鲸鱼mnotjoking,theresafuckingwhale!快出来有条鲸鱼啊Comeand.theresafuckingwhale.嗨Hi.你好Hello.阿曼丁！Amandine!这里有条鲸鱼还有汤姆琼斯真正的汤姆琼斯TheresawhaleandTomJones,anactualTomJones!阿曼丁？杰米Amandine.-Jamie,我在流血mbleeding.会没事的It,sgonnabeokay.感觉不像没事No,itdoesntfeellikeitsgo
11、ingtobeokay.你不能进来-我不想离开她Excuseme,youcantcomeanyfurther.-1dontwannaleaveher.你得在这里等着Sorry,youhavetowaithere.嘿.Hey.嘿Hey.你感觉怎么样？Howareyoufeeling?兴奋High.太好了Well,that,ssomething.我们往好处想吧1.etslookonthebrightside.至少现在他永远不会恨我们了Atleastnowhellneverhateus.是啊Yeah.你昨晚做什么了？Whatdidyoudolastnight?我1.uh.我喝了一杯苏格兰威士忌Iha
12、dascotch.然后我花了六个小时上网查资料AndthenIspentlikesixhoursonGoogle.我现在知道所有与蓝鲸Inowknowallthereisaboutbluewhales.及汤姆琼斯有关的事了AndTomJones.你可以考考我Youcantestme.地球上最大的哺乳动物吗？汤姆琼斯1.argestmammalonEarthTomJones.他的舌头重达2.7吨♥Histongueweighs2.7tons.汤姆琼斯的阴♥茎♥是所有生物体中最长的TomJonespenisisthelargestofanylivingor
13、ganism.有3米长Tenfeet.天啊没关系的没关系的It,sokay.Itsokay.Shh,itsokay.宝贝Oh,baby.It,sokay.你还好吗？Areyouallright?你有什么需要？Whatdoyouneed?我们有必要告诉大家Weneedtotellpeople.-Wedont.没必要-事情发生了Wedontneedtodoanything.-Itshappened.我没有他们的电♥话♥号♥码宝贝Idontevenhaveeverybodysnumbers,baby.我有Here.给大家打电♥话♥
14、吧Calleveryone.我想要办一个葬礼Iwantafuneral.不是葬礼Not.Notafuneral.-Okay.一种道别仪式.something,somethingtosaygoodbye.没问题Sure.医生把你推进手术室的时候Whentheytookyouinthere.他们把你带走的时候我进了停车场Whentheytookyouaway,Iwentoutsideintothecarpark.我祈祷了AndIprayed.你又不相信上帝Youdon,tbelieveinGod.我知道IknowIdont.虽然是乱扯Absolutebollocks,butIdid.但我确实做了我
15、向他祈祷那是IprayedtoHimor.Idontknow,我说他可以带走孩子但不能带走你causeIsaidhecouldtakethebabybuthecanttakeyou.我说不管他有多爱你Isaidhowevermuchhelovesyou.都比不上我对你的爱深DoesntcomeclosetohowmuchIloveyou.上帝听见了Well,helistened.对他听见了Yeah,hedid,尽管他不存在eventhoughhedoesntexist.会没事的，真的-No,no,itwillbefine.Yes,sure.回头见，谢谢-Seeyoulater.Thankyou
16、,Beatrice.嗨妈妈Hey,Mum.不我用的是阿曼的手♥机♥这里的信♥号♥♥很差No.monAmandinesphone,Ihaveaterriblesignal.爸爸在吗？IsDadaround?ve.我得跟你说件事vegottatellyousomething.我忘了说送鱼的车在镇上Iforgottosay,thefishvanwasintown.我买♥♥了一些就鱼Igotsomesquid.真好1.ovely.我上学那时我做了个和章鱼有关的项目Yeah,whenIwasinschool
17、Ididthisprojectonoctopuses,我站在全班同学面前我非常紧张andIstoodinfrontofthewholeclass,Iwasreallynervous,我一开口就说andIstoodthereandthefirstthingIsaidwas,“章鱼有八个睾丸Anoctopushaseighttesticles.触角！我说的是触角！Tentacles!ImeanTentacles!,1.我简直无地自容求你了Talkaboutaswallow-me-upmoment,1mean,please!现在就带我走吧！Takemerightnow!露？1.ue?露？1.ue?-
18、Hmm?你想喝杯茶吗？Cupoftea?好极了1.ovely.嗨露是我我在用阿曼的手♥机♥Hey,1.ue,itsme.monAmandinesphone.天啊我很遗憾Oh,no,msosorry.她怎么样了？Howisshe?她没事Shesfine.你懂的她还好吧Imean,youknow,shesokay.我们都还好事情会会好起来的Wereokay,itllbe.youknow,itllbeokay.你告诉爸妈了吗？HaveyoutoldMumandDad?我刚告诉他们了Ijustdid,yeah.露我得挂电♥话♥了我这里的信&hea
19、rts;号♥♥不好1.isten,1.ue,mgonnahavetogo,Ihaventgotagreatsignalhere.我爱你杰米Iloveyou,Jamie.我也爱你Iloveyoutoo.嗨Hey!你是我的邻居对吧？Youremyneighbour,right?我是隔壁的汤姆幸会mTomfromnextdoor.Pleasedtomeetyou.我不知道你怎么想但我会回来的1dontknowaboutyoubutmcomingback.这里是你已经知道的风景Imean,thisislikealandscapeyoualreadyknow!就像你的灵魂里刻
20、着某种东西Itslikesomethingthatsetchedinyoursoul.你明白吗？Doyouevergetthat?你没事吧？Youallright?我的天啊！JesusChrist!那是怎么回事？因为牡蛎吗？Whatwasit,anoysterorsomething?汤姆琼斯？TomJones.对Yeah.杰米时间到了Jamie,mate,itstime.我看上去怎么样？HowdoIlook?你的鼻子离嘴太近了Imean,yournoseisabittooclosetoyourmouth.谢谢哥们祝你好运Okay.Thanksmate,cheers.你的爱是如此强烈Yourlo
21、veissostrong.不管你做什么都要记住这一点Whateverelseyoudokeeprememberingthis.至少你们还有彼此Atleastyoustillhaveeachother.谢谢我很感激谢谢Hmm.Yeah,thankyou.Iappreciatethat.干杯Cheers.我父亲是巴黎爱乐乐团的首席小提琴手Myfather.er,wastheleadviolinistwiththePhilharmoniedeParis.阿曼丁还小的时候她常常坐在他的膝盖上WhenAmandinewassmallsheusedtositathisknee,听他演奏莫扎特andlist
22、entohimplayMozart.这个这是你祖父的小提琴This.thisisyourgrandfathersviolin.他本来是打算送给你儿子的Wemeantittobeforyourson.现在留给你们下一个儿子了Now,itwillbeforyournextson.谢谢-Thanks,Mum.谢谢你Thanks,Beatrice.真是太暖心了谢谢你Thatsincrediblykind,thankyou.我知道你们大多数人Um,Iknowmostofyou可能想知道我们为什么要这么做probablywonderedwhyweneededtodothis.但对我们来说重要的是你们来了U
23、h,butwhatmatterstousisthatyoucame,所以我想要说几句andsoIwantedtosaysomething.对我丈夫说儿句Somethingtomyhusband.Um.杰米你是世界上最了不起Jamie,youarethemostamazing,最有深度最有趣最性感的男人deep,fun,sexymanintheworld,我爱你andIloveyou,我想和你再生一百个孩子andIwanttohaveahundredmorechildrenwithyou.我也爱你Iloveyoutoo.我爱你Iloveyou.致杰米和阿曼丁ToJamieandAmandine.
24、杰米和阿曼丁-致杰米和阿曼丁ToJamieandAmandine.S1tMerci.我今天不去了Um,Imnotgoingintoday.我觉得很不舒服Ifeelterrible.好的待会见Okay.Wel1.seeyoulater.其实挺尴尬的Itsembarrassing,actually.不是尴尬只是Not.Notembarrassing,nah,itsjust.是有点尴尬因为她是你妹妹Ifsabitawkwardbecauseshesyoursister.但是她开始做这件事But,well,shesstarteddoingthisthing我开始说话讲故事whereIllstartta
25、lking,tellingastory.那天发生的事somethingthathappenedthatdayorsomething.一些小事一些废话我也不知道说了什么somethingsmallorsomebollocks,Idunno.总之我说到了故事的重点Anyway,Igettothepointofthisstory而她都没注意到andshedoesntevennotice.她根本不知道我在说话ShedidntevenknowIwastalking.她好像离我十万八千里Itslikeshesamillionmilesaway我说的每句话都是在幕后andeverythingIsayisju
26、stinthebackground.如果你和你的爱人在一起Ifyourewithsomeoneyouloveandtryingtosaysomething.你认识一个叫保罗的人吗？DoyouknowanyonecalledPaul?什么？What?没什么Nothing.没关系Doesntmatter.我不是专家1.oOk,Imnoexpert但也许你和阿曼丁应该找个人谈谈butmaybeyouandAmandineshouldtalktosomeone.去接受治疗什么的Getsometherapyorsomething?你已经吃尽苦头了Youvebothbeenthroughtheringer
27、.你可能吓坏了Youreprobablyinshock.我很震惊Yeah,Iaminshock.听起来是这样-Thatswhatitis.-Soundslikeit.完全正常-震惊Completelynormal.-Shock.你读一下Readthat.是什么？Whatisit?大声读出来Justreadit.Outloud.“保罗:你什么时候回来？Paul:Whenyouback?,“阿曼丁:星期一Amandine:Monday.“保罗:我想你Paul:Imissyou.“阿曼丁:我也想你Amandine:Imissyoutoo.悲伤的脸Sadface.保罗:我想念你的屁♥股&
28、hearts;Paul:Imissyourarse.“阿曼丁:我想念你的小♥弟♥弟♥Amandine:Imissyourcock.“保罗:我想射你-脸Paul:Iwannacomealloveryourface.“阿曼丁:你一回来就做吻你Amandine:Assoonasyougetback.Kiss.杰米怎么样了？HowsJamie?他会没事的Hellbefine.去吧Go!去吧Go!真是个好姑娘Theresagoodgirl.Comeon.嘿待着Hey,stay.好姑娘Goodgirl.待着Stay.Stay.你没事的Youreokay.你没事的Y
29、oureokay.好孩子Theresagoodboy.你会没事的Youreokay.就是这样Thatsit.就是这样呼吸Thatsit,justbreathe.你到底是谁？Whothefuckareyou?坐下Sitdown.滚出我的家！Getthefuckoutofmyhouse!我是阿曼丁的丈夫mAmandineshusband.好吧很可笑对吧？Okay,itsfunny,isntit?在你的生活中徘徊Yourejustbobbingalonginyourlife,日复一日daytoday,在一个现实中inonereality.然后突然灾难降临rAndthensuddenly,disast
30、erstrikes.你环顾四周发现只有自己和汤姆琼斯Andyoulookaroundandyoufindyourselfallalone在沙滩上onthebeachwithTomJones.什么？What?老布朗普顿路上的奇诺咖啡馆CafeChinoontheOldBromptonRoad.伯蒙西街的何塞小吃吧)ose,sTapasBaronBermondseyStreet.下午在英国电影协会参观最近修复的Anafternoontriptoseetherecentlyrestoredoriginalprint弗朗索瓦特吕弗的四百击原画OfFrancoisTruffaufs400Blowsatt
31、heBFI.优步力士之后回到这里TheUber1.uxbackhereafterwards.我已经观察你两个星期了vebeenwatchingyoufortwoweeks.我知道关于你的一切Iknoweverythingaboutyou.你工作的地方Whereyouwork,你的生活live,钥匙就在死天竺葵旁边的砖头下面thekeyunderthebricknexttothedeadgeranium.你周一在苏活广场见了女朋友ThegirlfriendyoumetMondayinSohoSquare你带她去了瓦格玛斯andtooktoWagamama,s.温迪威尔逊WendyWilson.温
32、迪戴着订婚戒指Wendywaswearinganengagementring.我听到结婚的钟声了吗哥们？DoIhearweddingbells,mate?好吧.-你一直在上我老婆Okay.-You,vebeenfuckingmywife.听我说Justlistentome.你到底.有没有上过我老婆？Haveyouorhaventyoubeenfuckingmywife?请不要告诉温迪PleasedonttellWendy.很好求你了Good.-Please.这么说你上了我老婆Soyouhave.很好Good.因为现在有个问题Seecausetheresaproblemwiththis.因为我爱
33、我的妻子CauseIlovemywife.我真的爱她Ido.我太爱她了我愿意为她做任何事1lovehersomuch,IdontthinktheresanythingIwouldntdoforher.我不是有意要闯进你的生活跟我的一样无聊Idontmean.breakingintoyourdank,halfasniceasitthinksitisflat.我是说我愿意为她而死Imean,ddieforher.我愿意为她杀人dkillforher.所以你有个选择Soyougotachoicetomake.你可以现在就结束这段关系Youcanendthisrightnow,而且永远不要再和我妻子说话andyounever,ever,speaktomywifeagain,否则我就打开那个大黑盒子ormgonnaopenthatbigdarkbox.没错保罗Thatsright,Paul.首先去拜访一下你的未婚妻Startingwithpayingavisittoyourfiance,她是哈利街的皮肤科诊所的前台whoworksatthedermatologycliniconHarleyStreetasareceptionist.是时候做出选择了Soitstimetochoose.你会怎么选呢保罗？Whatsitgonnabe,Paul?谁是保罗？Who,sPaul?
