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1、-Brock?Bro,canyouhearme,bro?布洛克？兄弟能听见我说话不兄弟？Comeon,baby.Comeon,Brock.加油挺住布洛克Brock!-Cantget911.-布洛克！-911打不通Nofuckingrecep-screams没有他妈的信Shit!-raspyvoiceIsitthatbad?-见鬼！有这么糟糕吗？-What?No.No,just,uh,youlookgreat.什么？不不只是额你看起来很好Gotyourstandardnumberofeyeballs.眼球数有点不标准-raspyvoiceHey.嘿-Hey!嘿Weretakingyoutothe
2、hospital.我们正在送你去医院Wecouldntgetanambulance,butthisisjustasgood.我们叫不到救护车但这个也不错mbasicallyanEMTsinceItookaCPRcourse七年前我在水上乐园工作的时候sevenyearsagowhenIworkedatthewaterpark.上过心肺复苏课程基本上也算个急救员r-groans-Noseatbelt.没有安全带mnotnormallybackherewhenitsmoving.我通常不会再它移♥动♥的时候待在这里Illjust-我一般-Oh,sorry,sorry,s
3、orry.哦对不起对不起对不起Oh,Iguessyoulljusthavetogetusedtowomen哦我想你要习惯起来女人们throwingthemselvesatyou对你投怀送抱whatwithhownormalyourfacelooksnow.现在你的脸看起来正常多了-Sorry,sorry,sorry.对不起对不起对不起-Okay.Thereyouare.好了听得见吗Brock,right?Nodifyoucanhearme.布洛克对吧？能听见我说话就点点头mDr.Mandril.我是曼德里尔医生mgoingtobeoperatingonyoutoday.今天由我给你做手术You
4、regoingtobefine.你会没事的Yourfriendsgotyouhereintime.你的朋友送你来的很及时Theysavedyourlife.Youreingoodhands他们救了你的命你会得到妥善照顾的Youknow,Ireallyhatelyinglikethat,你知道我真的讨厌这样说谎buthislastthoughtshouldntbe,mgoingtodie.但他最后想到的不应该是“我就要死了”Thisway,hecroaksonahighnote.这样他就能死的体面一点-What?什么？-Youdidntgivehimthegasyet?你还没给他麻醉？-No,s
5、orry.-Whatthefuck,Ryan?-还没抱歉-搞什么飞机瑞安？)esusfuckingChrist!妈的老天爷啊！Wouldyouknockhimoutalready?你能把他打晕吗？-Yes,Doctor.可以医生-Youaregoingtobejustfine.你会没事的Dontworryaboutathing,okay?别担心好吗？-Okay.好吧一周后-WelcomebacktoourcoverageofHurricaneAnnie欢迎问到我们由松布雷罗的墨西哥烤肉店赞助的broughttoyoubySombrerosMexicanGrill,对飓风安妮的新闻报道homeo
6、ftheoriginalcheeseburgerquesadilla.提供原汁原味的芝士汉堡炸玉米饼Cheesy,beefy,caliente!芝土牛肉热量！-UseSombrerosonlineorderingforcurbsidedelivery,使用松布雷罗的在线订购的路边自提功能路边自提就是相当于国内送到菜鸟驿站之类然后自己去拿的那种方式theperfectoptionifyou,reontheroadthisweek如果你本周还在路上这将是你fleeingthestorm.避开风暴的最佳选择-Whichmaybealotofyou.看来会有很多人这么做ItlookslikeAnnie
7、isgoingtomakelandfall看上去安妮已经登陆了asacategoryfour,登陆时为四级飓风相当于17级超强台风，2006年桑美差不多就是这个级数promptingtalksofmandatoryevacuations.为此引发了对强制撤离进行讨论Well,thanksforcomingbackin,guys.嗯感谢你们回来伙计们IwantedtoletyouknowwecaughtCarlosRamirez,我想告诉你们我们抓住了卡洛斯拉米雷斯AKACondomCarl.又名”安全套.卡尔”-Didhesaywhathappened?他有交代发生了什么吗？-Hewontta
8、lk,butitsallonvideo.他什么都不肯说但都被录下来了Soitsopenandshut所以事实很清楚TheD.A.saidIcanreturnyourpersonalitems.地检说我可以归还你们的私人物品了SoWegotasetofkeysandacoupleofphones所以我们这有一串钥匙和几部电♥话♥andIbelievethisisyours.我相信这是你的-ThankGod.Itsbeensohardtosleepwithoutapillow.谢天谢地没有枕头我都睡不着觉What?llflipitover.怎么啦？我会反过来用的-Um,
9、whataboutthegracksack?嗯那个麻袋呢？Thebigbagwiththepythoneggs.那么大一个装满蟒蛇蛋的袋子ThatwasJillianstoo.那也是吉莉安的-No,thosewereBrock,s.不那些是布洛克的Thatswhyhegotshot,isntit?他就是因为这才被枪击的不是吗？Whatsthestorythere?这里边有什么故事吗？-Nostories.Theywere-theywereBrocks.没有它们它们就是布洛克的-Well,ifyoucangetBrocktosignforthem,好了如果你们能让布洛克签收的话Icanrelea
10、setheeggsandyoucansortitoutyourselves.我可以把蛋提出来然后你们自己处理-Yeah,buthe,sinacoma.好的但他还在昏迷中Idontthinkhe,sgonnabesigninganything.我不觉得他能在什么东西上签字-Andthepythonhuntendsinsixdays.猎蛇大赛还有六天就结束了Afterthat,theyreuseless.那之后它们就没有用了-Well,ifhesincapacitated,好吧如果他丧失行为能力afamilymembercouldalwayssignforhim.家属可以代签-Thefuck?-U
11、gh.这什么玩意？-啊ThatsPete.Petethepig.那是皮特警猪皮特WeborrowedhimfromtheDEA.我们从缉毒局借来的美国缉毒局(DrUgEnfOrCementAdminiStration,简称DEA)是美国司法部下属的执法机构，主要任务是打击美国境内的非法毒品交易和使用。-He,ssocute.他好可爱-Yeah,hescute.没错是挺可爱的Hesalsoahugefuckingasshole!他还是个大混♥蛋♥-Canpigsbeassholes?猪也能混♥蛋♥?-HeswallowedmyBluetoo
12、th,soyoutellme.他吞了我的蓝牙你觉得呢-WhatdoesPetethepigdo?-Hesasupersniffer.所以这警猪皮特能干啥？他是个超级嗅探者WeactuallygothimtolocateCondomCarsgun.实际上我们让他来找安全套.卡尔的枪Hedroppeditatthescene.Itvanished.他把枪扔在了现场但现在不见了Thechiefseemstothinkit,sinthegrasssomewhere.局长觉得它可能掉在草丛里Sonowweallhavetoputup所以我们不得不忍♥受withPetesfuckingbul
13、lshit,allfuckingweek!这个狗屁皮特整整一星期！It,ssodumbbecausethegunslonggone.这太傻♥逼♥了因为枪早就不在那了-Longgone?Gonewhere?不在了？那去哪了？-1haveatheoryaboutthat.关于这我有个理论Ibelieveitwaseatenbyasnake.我相信它被蛇吃了-Cansnakeseathandguns?蛇还能吃手♥枪♥吗？-Oh,yeah.Lookeditup.Theyeateverything.哦是啊我查了一下它们什么都吃1.icensepla
14、tes,alligatorsheck,evenpeople.车牌鳄鱼见鬼甚至人都吃-People?Thats-that,scrazy.吃人？这听起来很假啊-Sowhat1didwasIcontacted所以我所作的就是联♥系♥theDepartmentofWaterManagement.水务管理部门Everydeadsnakethatcomesthroughthere,他们会剖开每一条theyregonnacutitopen,经过那里的死蛇examinethestomachcontents,andletmeknow.检查胃容物然后告知我们Ibetwedfindtha
15、tguninoneofthem.我打赌我们会在其中一条的胃里找到那把枪-Fuck.Theyrecuttingopensnakesnow?妈的他们现在要剖蛇？WhathappenswhensomeonecatchestheonethatateNoah?要是有人抓到吃了诺亚的那条蛇会怎么样？-Aww,IdidntknowhisnamewasNoah.啊我都不知道他叫做诺亚drathernothumanizehim.我还是不要把他当人看吧Canwepleasecallhimthebody?我们能就叫他“那具尸体”吗？-Well,theyllfindthebody,好吧他们会找到那具尸体alltheb
16、odysbones,allthebodyswallet,找到它的每一块骨头所有的钱包orpicturesofthebodysniecesinit.或者那具尸体侄女的照片还在里边-La,la,la,thebodyhadnoonewholovedit安啦安啦没人爱那具尸体Thebodywasallalone.那具尸体孤零零的一个人-ThenRodneyLamoncasgonnakillme.然后罗德尼.拉蒙卡就会杀了我Oh,itsnotgonnabearegulardeaththough.哦不会让我死的那么舒服He,sgonnaprobablyhangmefromabuilding他也许会把我吊死
17、在大楼上ormakemelickpoisonoffsomemoney.或者让我舔钱上的毒药-What?-1dontknow.Hesfuckedup.-什么？-我也不知道他想一出是一出-Relax,okay?放松点好吗？Ireadonlineitonlytakesthreeweeks我在网上看到一条蛇完全forasnaketofullydigestadeer.消化一整只鹿只需要三周Humansarebasicallydeers.人基本和鹿差不多-Butithasntbeenafewweeks.但现在没有几个星期Itsbeenoneweek,Gregory.只有一周克雷格-Theresover10
18、0,000pythonsintheEverglades.在大沼地里有超过10万条蟒蛇Whataretheoddssomeonesgonnacatchthatone?有人能抓住那一条的的几率有多大？-Thatsnakewas20feetlongandwhitewithredeyes.那条蛇有20英尺长白色的眼睛是红的Fuckingbiblicalmotherfucker妈的混♥蛋♥couldntbemoreconspicuousifhetried.简直是太显眼了-Nobodysgoingouttotheswampsthisweekanyway,反正这周也没人去沼泽了n
19、otwiththisstormcoming.毕竟风暴要来了-ThankGodforglobalfuckingwarming.感谢老天让他妈的全球变暖-Thatsthespirit.这样就对了-sighsToobadaboutthegracksack.只可惜了那个麻袋-Yeah.是啊Guessit,salloverthen.Nomoresawpalmettofarm.看来一切都完了没有什么锯棕桐农场r-Yeah.是啊Fuck!妈的！Unless.除非wecouldmaybeaskCorbytogettheeggs我们可以让科比从警♥察♥局里fromthepolices
20、tationforus?把那些蛋提出来给我们？-He,sanicekid.他是个好孩子Hemightfeelkindofbad他可能会觉得不太好thathisdadbasicallystolethemfromus.因为这基本就是他爸爸从我们这偷去的-Totally.确实- 1mean,itfeelsalittleghoulish.我说这有点吓人啊- Seeinghisdadisinacoma.他爸爸还昏迷不醒- Andweweresortofresponsible.而且我们也有点责任- True,true,true.GoodpointGoodpoint.没错没错说得好说得好Exceptwere
21、alsoresponsibleforsavingBrockslife.不过我们也救了布洛克一命-Yeah.Wedrovehimtothehospital.是啊我们开车送他去了医院-Gothimtherebeforehelostconsciousness.在他失去意识前把他送到了医院-Ifyouthinkaboutit,werekindofheroes.仔细想想我们也算英雄了-Corbysgonnabesograteful.科比会很感激我们的-Ofcoursehesgonnagiveusthosesnakeeggs.他理所当然会把那些蛇蛋给我们-Anythingforyouguysbecause
22、yousavedmydads-“为你们做什么都可以因为你们救了我爸爸的;-Hediedthismorning.他今天早上走了-msosorry,Corby.很抱歉听到这消息科比-Ifyouneedanythingatall,werehereforyou.如果你有什么需要我们都会帮忙的-Thanks.谢谢Butdidntyouguyssayyouneededafavor?但刚你们不是说需要我帮个忙吗？-What?Definitelynot.-Us?-什么？绝对没有-我们吗？Werehereforyou,champ.-Werenotheroes.我们是来帮你的小兄弟我们不是英雄-Werejustf
23、riends.-Friendswithoutmotives.-我们都是朋友朋友之间帮忙不需要理由四天后-AndWedefinitelyseethepotential而我们预计在暴风雨之后ofupto6millioncustomerslosingpowerinthewakeofthestorm.可能会有六百万用户断电Theseoutagesmayoutlastemergencygeneratorcapacity,这种规模可能超出紧急发电机的发电能力sowererecommendinghospitalstransfer所以我们建议医院将allhigh-riskpatientsoutofstate所
24、有高危病人转移至州外toavoidmasscasualties.以避免大规模伤亡-Thisemergencyupdatewasbroughttoyou这条紧急讯息由bytheallnewbaconcrammersfromBurgerLoad.超大汉堡推出的全新培根脆饼赞助播出-Nowyourecrammedwithknowledge!现在你满脑f都是知识！Crammeddeepupinthere!radioturnsoff被塞得满满的！-CantbelieveBrocksdead.-Yeah.-不敢相信布洛克死了-是啊Butvebeenaroundsomuchdeath,nothingssho
25、cking.但我已经经历过太多死亡没什么好惊讶的Youknow,vewonthisdressto17funerals?你知道吗我已经穿着这件衣服参加过17次葬礼了吗？-17funeralsistoomanyfunerals.17场葬礼也太多了-Well,therewasmydad.Thatwasaheartattack.嗯有我爸爸的死于心脏病发作AndthenmyfriendAmy.Overdose.然后是我朋友艾米用药过量Butthentheother15waswhenIwashiredtobeamourner.但剩下的15次都是被雇当送葬者-That,sajob?-Uh-huh.-这也是工
26、作？-嗯嗯Itssounpopularpeopledontseemliketheydiedfriendless.一些不太受欢迎的人不想他们死了也没朋友悼念AndIwasgreatatit.Icanstartsobbingondemand.我很擅长这个我能随时按要求哭出来-Really?-Yeah.真的？-没错lt,sjustaskillvealwayshad.这算是我的天赋Dontknowwhy.也不知道为什公softlyProbablybecauseofmydeepwellofsadness.可能时因为我深藏着悲伤吧-Hey,abouttheeggs.嘿关于那些蛋Ithinkweshould
27、tellCorbytopickthemup我觉得我们应该告诉科比在比赛结束前beforethecontestendssohecanclaimtheprizemoney.把它们取出来这样他就能领到奖金了-Feelsliketherightthingtodo.感觉这样做是对的-Helosthisdad.Webothknowhowtoughthatis.他失去了他的爸爸我们都知道这有多艰难-Yeah.God.是啊老天保佑-Ofcourse,mydaddidntstealsomeoneelse,s当然我爸爸在死之前bagofsnakeeggsbeforehedied.没有偷其他人的一袋蛇蛋-Neith
28、erdidmine.我把也没有-Seemslikearelevantdistinction.似乎还是有区别的-Veryrelevant-1mean,thatwasourdream.-区别大了-我是说那是我们的梦想-AndBrocktookitfromus.而布洛克夺走了它-We11be-我们要-WeregivingCorbytheeggsandthatsthat我们要把蛋给科比就这么定了-GUyS,IfeellikeGodsentusBrock伙计们我觉得布洛克像是上帝派来toremindusthatlifeisprecious提醒我们生命的宝贵andtomakeasmuchcontentas
29、youcanwhileyoucan.以及在你还能做到的时候尽可能的享受生活-Yo,dbelyingifIsaidIwasn,talittlejealousthough.哟如果我说我没有一点嫉妒那是骗人的Thekingdomsoundssick,laughs王国听起来真恶心-Hey.嘿WemetattheDMV.Matt,Brocksfriend.我们在车辆管理局见过我是马特布洛克的朋友-Yeah.Irememberyou.是啊我记得你Youwerehavinganaffairwithhiswife.你和他老婆有一腿-Yeah.是啊Idontknowwhyitsnecessary我不知道为什么要
30、在tobebringingupoldshitatafuneral.葬礼上提以前的破事-mjustsayingthatshowIknowyou.我只是想说我怎么认识你的Youweresleepingwithhiswife.你唾了他老婆ThatstheonlycontextIhavetoputyouin.我是我唯一记得你的一点-Okay,cool.Sowhat?好吧酷那又怎样？Youjustsitaroundtalkingaboutoldshitallday?你就准备一整天坐这讲这些陈年破事？-Youstartedtalkingtome.-Okay-是你先和我搭话的好吧.-DidIsayanyth
31、ingtoyou?No.我和你说什么吗？没有-mdonenow.mdone.我没话说r闭嘴吧-Allright.Well,goodjob,homewrecker.好吧嗯干得好偷家贼-Whatthe-Excuseme.你妈各位Hi.d,uh.嗨我要额dliketothankeveryoneforcoming.我要感谢各位的到来1knowmydadwasalot.我知道我爸爸是个很极端的人Alotofanger,alotofyelling,脾气暴躁经常大吼大叫alotofsayingthewordfuckorshit.常常出口就带着“你妈”操“这些脏字Orwhenhewasreallymad,或者
32、当他真正生气时helovedtocallpeopledicklessskunks.他喜欢骂人是没卵子的东西softlaughter-Hecalledyouthat.他就是这么叫你的-Butyouknow,therewasalotofgood但是你要知道我爸爸也有thatcamewithmydadaswell.很多好的方面Alotoflaughter,保持乐观alotoflearning,不断学习andmostimportantly,而最重要的是therewerealwaysalot.总会带来很多ofsurprises!惊喜！-Oh!Thatsright,motherfuckers!哦！就是这样
33、混♥蛋♥们！Youcantgetridofmethateasy.你们别想这么容易摆脱我-Wediditagain!-Weprayedhimbacktolife!-我们又一次成功了！-我们的祈祷让他复活了！-laughs-Letsgo!我们走！HighwaytoHellplaying-Whatishappening?发生了什么？both:Jesus!老天啊！-Brockisalive!Hehasrisen!布洛克还活着！他复活了！-Thankyouforcoming.感谢你能来布洛克泰拉耶尔深切缅怀Thankyou.Thanksforcoming,man.谢谢你感谢你
34、能来伙计Whoa!喔哦！Whoa.喔哦！Oh,bringitin.哦来抱一个-Youguyssavedmylife,smooches你们救了我的命-Thatwascrazy.Areyouallright?这太疯狂了你没事吧？-Fuckno.No.Myeyeballgotvaporized.妈的有事我的眼球蒸发了Just,pfft,yeah.就这样噗的一下Butthatbulletgavemesomeotherpowers.但那个子弹也给了我其他能力Youknow,mlikeafuckingsuperheronow.你懂的我现在就他妈像个超级英雄-Whatkindofpowers?Doyouha
35、veenhancedhearing?什么能力？是听力增强吗？-What?Fuckthatshit.什么？当然他妈的不是mrichnow,whichisthegreatestfuckingsuperpower是钞能力那就是他妈的最大的超能力DC梗hp3Whatareyoursuperpowers?蝙蝠侠Imrichofall,youknowwhatmsaying?你明白我在说什么吗？Imadetensofthousandsofdollars当我上传了我被枪击的视频之后whenIuploadedthatvideoofmegettingshot.我赚几万美元It,sbeenviewedover15m
36、illiontimes.观看次数超过1500万-Damn.-Yeah.Idontknow.活见鬼-是啊我也不知道为啥Peoplejustlovetoseeallthatbloodspraying人们就是喜欢看outthebackofmyhead-maworldwidesensation.-血从我脑壳后边飙出来我现在是个世界级网红了Infact,somechickinIndonesia,sheDMdme.事实上有个印度尼西亚小妞她私信我Sheaskedmetogetmarried.她向我求婚了-Andwhatdidyoutellher?-1said,nFuckno.-那你怎么回她的？-我说”他妈
37、的不行”Youknow,it,sprobablysomedude你知道的这可能是一些livinginhismom,sbasementinToronto,在多伦多住在他妈妈地下室的人jerkingittotheideaofstickinghiscockinmysocket.想方设法要用他的大鸡♥巴♥肛了我-Oh,God.-AndItoldhim哦天哪我和他说that,youknow,malreadytaken.那个你知道的我已经结婚了Gotmylittlestrawberryshortcakehere.我的小可爱就在这Americandream,guys.Americ
38、andream.美国梦伙计们美国梦-Gettingshotintheface.-Gettingshotintheface.-被射了一脸（梦想成真）-被射了一脸（梦想成真）这里是个双关语，本意是被枪直接打脸上爆头，这里也引申为好运当头梦想成真，正好也是说布洛克被枪打脸Thatsright.Icrackedthecode.就是这样我破解了财富密♥码♥Oh,hey,guesswhowasinthehospitalwhenIwokeup?哦嘿猜猜我醒过来的时候谁在医院里？TheguysfromR.Igotasponsor.是R的人我有赞助商了Theyrethesepills
39、youtaketodehydrateyourself他们的那些药片可以让你脱水soyoulookhotforselfies.Yeah.使你看起来更性感没错Infact,thewholefakefuneralwastheiridea.事实上这场假死也都是他们的主意-Brock,wesostokedforthisvid,baby.布洛克我们太期待这个视频了宝贝Itsgonnapullsomehugenumbers!这一定会带来一大♥波♥流量的-That,swhatmtalkingabout.这就是我说的Thatsmyguy.That,smyguynow.这就是我要找的人
40、我这就我要的人-Hey,sincethesnakehuntisendingintwodays.嘿离猎蛇比赛结束只有两天了-Wewantedyoutoknow我们要告诉你thepolicehavethosepythoneggsforyou.那些蟒蛇蛋在警♥察♥那里要你去领-Yeah,um,letmeguess.Youwantemforyourself.是啊嗯让我猜猜你们想把它们占为己有-Well,weactuallycametomakesureCorbygotthem事实h我们来是确保科比拿到它们whenwethoughtyouweredead.-Yeah.当时我们以
41、为你死了-没错-Butsinceyou,renot.但既然你没.-Andsinceyouredoingsowellfinancially.而你的经济状况也这么好了-Hey,Iblackmailedyouforthoseeggsfairandsquare.嘿我可是大大方方的敲诈了你们的那些蛋Okay?Somadrivedowntothepolicestation.对吧？所以我要自己开车去警局matakeemformyself.把它们拿出来ButIcantdrivebecauseIhavenodepthperception.但是我不能开车了因为我没有深度视觉了Sowillyouguystakeme
42、?所以伙计你们能载我去不？-Cheesy,beefy,caliente.芝土味牛肉味热呼呼的-Cheesy,beefy,caliente.laughs芝土味牛肉味热呼呼的-Ifyouwantyourpythoneggs,followme.如果你们是要那些蟒蛇蛋跟我来Sorryaboutthechaos.Wereworriedaboutflooding,对不起有点乱我们担心发洪水soWegottaemptytheevidenceroom,所以我们清空了证物室makesurenothinggetsdestroyed.确保东西不被毁坏Youreggsthoughshouldberight-你们的蛋应
43、该没Oh,shit.Heateem.哦见鬼他把它们吃了-Whothefuckisthis?这他妈是谁？-Petethepig!警猪皮特！-Youasshole.混♥蛋♥-Toldyou.我和你说过的-Thatlittlepigfuck!Heateallbutsixofthem.那头该死的猪！除了这六个他把它们都吃了-Maybeitskarma.也许这就是报应Maybeyoushouldnthavetriedtostealourprizemoney.也许你就不该想要偷我们的奖金-Hey,youknowwhat?FuckOffokay?嘿你知道怎么？滚边去知道不？Iwa
44、sn,tgonnaactuallykeeptheeggsfromyou.我没打算真从你们那抢蛋Iwasgonnagiveemtoyouasasurpriseoncamera.我只是想在镜头前还你们给你们个惊喜Checkthisout.whistles看看这个Hey,boys!Comeout,comeon.嘿伙计们！出来快出来Thisismycrew,laughs这是我的团队Viralphilanthropy.ItshugeonYouTube.病毒式慈善这在油管上很火Youknow,yougivecashtostrangers你知道的把现金给陌生人orYeezystoteachers.或者把椰子
45、鞋给老师Yeezy品牌产品在国内被称为“椰子鞋”，原adidas旗下品牌，由美国说唱歌♥手、时装设计师KanyeWeSt设计C在全球,椰子鞋都有着极高的人气。2022年Kanye因反犹言论，阿迪达斯终止了与这一品牌的合作Seetheonewiththehomelessguy看过那个他们给流浪汉wheretheyregivinghimtheAppleWatch?发苹果手表的视频没？-No.没有-Hedidntactuallywantit.Gotprettyviolent.他其实不想要太暴♥力♥了Butlook,thepointisthis.但是听着重点在这里Thisvideowasgonnabelife-affirming
