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1、Ron吗我是JackCOOPer管♥理♥员♥办公室的Ron?JackCooper,fromtheControllersOffice.有空吗Gotasecond?当然我能为你做什么Sure,whatcanIdoyoufor?说实话这有一点点尴尬Frankly,thisisalittleawkward.我们从讨债公&hearts词♥收到这封信Wevereceivedthisletterfromacollectionagency说到一笔来自PaWnee公共图书馆的巨额账单aboutanoutstandingdebtfromthePawneePu
2、blicLibrary.看来你有一本过期图书未还Itappearsyouhaveanoverduebook.哦是吗Oh,doI?东西的大小并不重要:直面阴♥茎♥短小的人生ItsNottheSizeoftheBoat:EmbracingLifewithaMicro-Penis.是TammyTammy.我的前妻Tammy经常来试探我Myex-wifeTammylikestocheckineverysooften确保我的生活过得很好andmakesuremdoingokay.如果很好她就试着把一切都干翻AndifIam,shetriestofuckeverythingup
3、.好的我已经拨了911直接按拨号♥键就行Okay,Ipre-dialed911,soallyouhavetodoispresssend.你完全没必要短♥信♥Youreworryingovernothing.如果她绑住你的手你够不着电♥话♥Ifshebindsyourhandsandyoucantreachyourphone,就试着咬断绳子逃生justtrytochewyourselffree.低腰裤低腰裤Whaletail.Whaletail.她在露低腰裤中止任务中止Shesflashingawhaletail.Abort.
4、Abort.你好TammyHeno,Tammy.哦Oh!你好Ron没注意你进来了Hello,Ron.Ididntseeyoucomein.我只是在检查自己的脊柱侧弯Iwasjustcheckingmyselfforscoliosis.结果呢一笔直得像箭样And?-Straightasanarrow.跟某人的那个东西一样JustlikesomebodyelseIknow.牛肉干要吗Jerky?别折腾了Calloffthedogs.你和我都知道我的整个成年生活YouandIbothknowthatinmyentireadultlife,从未在图书馆借过一本书Ihavenevercheckedabo
5、okoutofthelibrary.哦我的天她也太厉害了Oh,myGod,shesamazing.哦Ooh!嗯Mmm.我承认曾经有时这种行为会让我疯狂Iadmittherewasatimewhenthatsortofbehaviorwouldvedrivenmewild.但我现在在一段健康关系里了TammyButIaminahealthyrelationshipnow,Tammy.关系和谁啊Arelationship?Withwhom?一个可爱智慧冷静的儿科医生名叫WendyAlovely,intelligent,self-possessedpediatricsurgeonnamedWendy
6、.听起来真是个贱♥人♥Soundslikearealwhore.消掉记录别折腾了Clearthelatechargesandcutthecrap.日安Goodday.日安LeslieGoodday,Leslie.日日安Good.goodday.公园与游憩公园与游憩第3季第4集第3季第4集好的所以我们一共给他们订了30份披萨Okay,sowereorderingthematotalof30pizzas来讨论口味soletstalktoppings.香肠洋葱辣椒Sausage,onion,andpeppers.科学证明过的最佳口味Scientificallyproven
7、tobethebesttoppings.棒Nice.我们该加点沙拉作为健康选项Shouldwethrowinsomesaladsforahealthyoption?哇别那么Jerry啊BenWow,dontbesuchaJerry,Ben.是啊Ben这些人是警♥察♥不是芭蕾舞♥女♥Yeah,Ben,theseguysarecops,notballerinas.所以我们要给警♥察♥部门开一个小型宴会Sowearethrowingalittleshindigforthepolicedepartment因为我们想请他
8、们义务承担丰收节的安保工作becausewe,reaskingthemtovolunteerassecurityduringtheHarvestFestival.我不知道大型户外聚会里到底有什么1dontknowwhatitisaboutbigoutdoorgatherings让所有人想在所有东西上尿尿thatmakeseveryonewanttourinateallovereverything,但聚会确实是这样butitdoes.人们也是这样Andtheydo.好的那披萨饺怎么样Okay,howaboutsomecalzones?披萨饺就是更难吃的披萨Calzonesarelikepizza
9、sbuttheyrehardertoeat.它们很蠢这个主意也是Theyredumb,andsowasthatidea.真的吗你这也太尴尬了Seriously?-Thisisembarrassingforyou.抱歉打扰了Ron准备好了吗Sorrytointerrupt.Ron,areyouready?当然亲爱的Absolutely,mydear.我去和我的女性朋友吃中上午的前午餐了Iamofftohaveamid-morningpre-lunchwithmyladyfriend,但我会准时回来吃午餐的butIwillbebackintimeforlunch.好的AllrightRon的女朋友
10、挺好看的嘛Ronsgirlfriendspretty.Tom的前妻Tomsex-wife.哦Oh.我不想看见他们一起就像他们在蹬鼻子上脸Idontwanttoseethemtogether.It,sliketheyrerubbingitinmyface.我能想到的就是大胡子船长上我的前妻AllIcanthinkaboutisCaptainMustacheplowingmyex-wife.那他在上你前妻的时候你会想象他穿着披肩吗Andyouimagineheswearingacapewhilehe,splowingher?啥What?不是就是你说大胡子船长嘛No,just,CaptainMust
11、ache?你看如果你只能想到Ron那Imean,ifallyoucanthinkofisRon,youknow.可能让他穿上紧身衣和披肩就会很好玩Maybeputhiminsometightsandacape,andthenitwouldbefunny.现在我想象披肩了NowImimaginingacape.AprilApril?你叫我吗Didyoucallme?我确实叫了你耳朵很灵Ididcallyou.Goodears.Chris的助手回到印第安纳波利斯了ChrissassistantwentbacktoIndianapolis,所以他借我来用几天sohesborrowingmeforaf
12、ewdays.耶Yay!我想让你给我再买♥♥点便签纸我想要多种颜色dlikeyoutogetmesomemorePost-its.dliketheminmultiplecolors.我想要绿色我想要黄色dlikegreen.dlikeyellow.不用买♥♥橙色Donotbuyorange.我不想要橙色我有很多橙色Idonotwantorange.Ihaveplentyoforange.收到Gotit你需要五百万张橙色便签YouwantfivemillionorangePost-its.真好笑Thatshilarious.哦等等我有张便签
13、给你Oh,wait!IhaveaPost-itforyou.上面写着“干得好”Itsays,Greatjob!,r嗯Mmm.干得好-嗯Greatjob.-Mmm.这就对了Thereyougo.“救命”他们真的变老了我又是个独女Theyregettingreallyold,andImanonlychild.我觉得正确的选择就是搬向家住Ijustfeelliketherightthingtodoistomovebackhome.你走了我很难过msorrytoseeyougo.我真的开始把你当做是Ivereallycometothinkofyouas伴侣了“acompanion.嘿我觉得你应该不会想
14、搬去加拿大吧Hey,IdontsupposeyoudwanttomovetoCanada?加拿大Canada.不我觉得我不会去No,IdontsupposeIwould.嘿我不想唠叨Hey,Ihatetonag,但我们不是该讨论策略butshouldntwebetalkingstrategy,比如什么时候找局长提这个巨大关键的要求呢like,whentoaskthechiefforthishugecriticalfavor?是的我准确知道我们要提的时刻Yes.Iknowexactlywhenweshoulddoit.吃完披萨没吃冰淇淋第三到第四杯啤酒之间Post-pizza,pre-icecr
15、eam,betweenhisthirdandfourthbeer.他吃饱了但又没撑微醺但又没醉Hellbefullbutnotstuffed,tipsybutnotdrunk.大概9点左右Shouldbearound9:00.好的所以你已经想清楚了Okay,soyouvethoughtthisthrough.坐稳了我给你来杯啤酒Justsittight.llgetyouabeer.两杯啤酒谢谢CanIhavetwobeers,please?嘿你还好吗Hey,youokay?Wendy和我结束了WendyandIareover.她要搬回加拿大了ShesmovingbacktoCanada.真可惜
16、Itstoobad.我刚刚教会她怎么削木头Ijusttaughtherhowtowhittle.她给我做了这根小小的尖棍子Shemademethistinysharpenedstick.听着我要跟你说我的女朋友们被甩的时候跟她们说的话1.ook,mgonnatellyouwhatItellallmygirlfriendswhentheygetdumped.男人都是狗Menaredogs.谢谢LeslieThankyou,Leslie.这句完全不符合这种情况Thatdoesnotapplytothissituationatall.但谢谢我很感激Butthankyou.Iappreciateit这
17、可太糟糕了Thisisadisaster.你不喜欢足球啊Yourenotintofootball?我就知道你有点什么问题1knewtherewassomethingwrongwithyou.我就知道我就知道我就知道我就知道Iknewit.Iknewit,knewit,knewit.实话说我好几年没有感觉这么好了Honestly,Ihaventfeltthisgoodinyears.不只是因为他让我吃的那些补品Andit,snotjustbecauseofthesupplementshehasmetaking膳食纤维还有更规律的生活andthesolublefiberandtheincrease
18、inregularity.还有他Itshim.他几周之后要搬回印第安纳波利斯了这太糟了HesmovingbacktoIndianapolisinacoupleofweeks,whichsucks.但如果他请我和他一起Butifheaskedmetomovewithhim,我觉得我会的IthinkIwould.我想要一杯本地啤酒Iwouldlikealocalbeer.我想要瓶装dlikeitinabottle.我想要瓶子是冷的dlikethebottletobecold.我想要一杯白干Iwouldlikeaglassofwhitewine.我想要霞多丽IwouldlikeittobeChard
19、onnay.我想要加-颗冰块AndIwouldlikethatwithoneicecube.谢谢Thanks.Trumple局长吗-嘿KnopeChiefTrumple?-Hey,Knope.你认识州预算办公室的BenWyatt的YouknowBenWyattfromtheStateBudgetOffice.你好嗯还好吗Hello.-Yeah,how,sitgoing?谢谢你们举办宴会披萨很好Thanksfortheparty.Goodpizza.很棒所以是的披萨味道好炸了对吧GreatSo,yeah,thepizzasdynamite,isntit?我刚刚说是好披萨Ijustsaiditwa
20、sgoodpizza.很好披萨很好Itsgood.Pizzasgood.你You.你知道我喜欢什么吗披萨饺YouknowwhatIlike?Calzones.这家伙什么毛病啊Whatthehelliswrongwiththisguy?抱歉我们待会儿再聊Sorry.We,11checkinwithyoulater.放轻松-好会的Takeiteasy.-Yeah,willdo.你怎么回事啊-我已经有点进展了啊Whatiswrongwithyou?-1wasgettingsomewherewiththat.是啊闲聊得挺好的啊好了让我来处理Yeah,greatsmalltalkoverthere.Ok
21、ay,letmehandlethis.我见到警♥察♥有点紧张-我来控场Igetalittlenervouswithcops.-mincontrol.昨啦What,sup?TomHaverford大驾光临TomHaverford1Sinthebuilding.呜Whoo!Tom你到底在干嘛Tom,whatthehellareyoudoing?跟你一样啊为Pawnee警♥察♥庆祝Samethingyouredoing,celebratingPawneesfinest.你们肯定认识我的约会对象TammySwansonIbelieveyoukno
22、wmydate,TammySwanson.嗨呀RonHi-ya,Ron.哦嗨呀Ron你好RonOh.Hi-ya,Ron.-Hey,Ron.真是抱歉哦msorry.看到你的前妻在我怀里让你不舒服了吗Isseeingyourex-wifeonmyarmmakingyouuncomfortable?哎呀我想象不到原因呢或者我能想到呢Gee,Icantimaginewhy.OrcanI?我喜欢这首歌♥哦你想跳舞吗TammyIlikethissong.Doyouwannadance,Tammy?哦可以可以啊Oh,yeah.Yeah.哦啊Oh.Ah.我知道Tammy看起来很可怕IknowTa
23、mmyseemsscary.但真的她只是个爱操控的精神病的Butreally,she,sjustamanipulative,psychotic,兜售书的性奋的女恶魔library-book-peddling,sex-crazedshe-demon.我觉得够了-TammyIthinkthatsenough.-Tammy.哦你好啊RonOh,hi,Ron.我只是在尝尝我的新男友Glenn-我叫TomIwasjusttastingmynewboyfriend,Glenn.-Tom.你不知道你掺和进的是什么孩子Youdontknowwhatyouremixedupin,son.这不是跟你有关而是跟我有
24、关Thisisntaboutyou.Itsaboutme.典型的RonSwanson永远只想着你自己TypicalRonSwanson.Alwaysthinkingaboutyourself.可能我们互相喜欢呢-没准是的呢Maybewelikeeachother.-Yeah,maybewedo.好的我们放轻松Okay.Letstakeiteasy.Tammy放开他Tammy,leavehimoutofthis.哦所以你就能有个女朋友我就不能跟谁约会吗Oh,soitsokayforyoutohaveagirlfriend,butmnotsupposedtoseeanybody?该死女人Damni
25、t,woman!爬同你潮湿阴暗的洞穴留我的朋友们一个清净吧Justcrawlbackintothedankholeyoucamefromandleavemyfriendsalone.好的好的大家冷静一下Okay,okay.Letssettledown.这里是什么情况-这里是什么情况-这里有情况吗Whatseemstobetheproblem?-Whatseemstobetheproblem?-Isthereaproblemhere?基本上我们这里出现的是一场家庭成员间的争端BasicallywhatWehadherewasadisputeofadomesticnature.男性40岁45岁左右
26、Whitemale,40,45.白人男性身材健壮Caucasianmale.Stockybuild.身高大约1米78Approximately510.双方口角开始于大概晚上8点55分Verbalaltercationtranspiredatapproximately8:55P.M.和一位女性嫌犯withafemaleunsub.表现为轻度喝醉Appearstobeslightlyintoxicated.自称是前任配偶Claimstobeanex-spouse.真是个人才Realpieceofwork.真是个人才-真是个人才Realpieceofwork.-Realpieceofwork.真是个
27、人才Realpieceofwork.我知道你为何要这么做但你犯了一个巨大的错误Iknowwhyyou,redoingthis,andyouremakingahugemistake.以毒攻毒啊LeSlie他约我的前任我就约他的Fightfirewithfire,Leslie.Hedatesmyex,Idatehis.Ron和Wendy没有在约会了她要搬回加拿大了RonandWendyarentevendatinganymore.ShesmovingbacktoCanada.什么哦天哪What?-Oh,God.好的这.嘿这里发生啥rOkay,whats.hey.Whatshappeninghere
28、?Ron和我要去喝杯咖啡好好聊聊了RonandIaregoingtogetacupofcoffeeandtalkthingsout.是时候让Tammy和我彻底和解和了结的时候了It,stimeforTammyandmetoburythehatchetonceandforall.一切都会很好的Everythingwillbefine.拘留所这么折腾已经几个小时rItsbeenlikethisforhours.就是那里就是那里-是的是的Rightthere.Rightthere.-Yeah.Yeah.嘿SwansonHey,Swanson!别这样rSnapoutofit!1.eslie1.esli
29、e.祝贺我们吧Congratulateus.Ron也在他鸡上搞了个一样的Ronsgotonejustlikeitonhispenis.哦是的Oh,yeah.你♥他♥妈♥发生了什么Whatthehellhappenedtoyou?这个Well.摇滚哦耶宝贝Rockandroll!Yeah,baby!我拿到了Igotit!你可以亲吻新娘了Youmaynowkissthebride.昨晚是个有点疯狂的夜晚Itsbeenkindofacrazynight.回来回来Comeback,comeback.April你能进来一会儿吗April,couldyoucome
30、inhereasecond?APriI进来得好很主动April,waytocomein.Greatinitiative.是你叫我进来的Youcalledmein.听着你能打给AnnPerkins1.isten,couldyoupleasecallAnnPerkins通知她我今天不能和她共进午餐了andtellherthatIwillbeunabletoenjoylunchwithhertoday,因为我会很忙一整天asIamjustswamped.Allday.收到Copythat嗨Ann我是AprilHi,Ann.ThisisApril.我就是打给你让你知道Chris赶不上午饭了mjustc
31、allingtoletyouknowthatChriscantmakelunchtoday.我知道你不会在乎的再见Iknewyouwouldntcare.Good-bye.他们在法庭上当场开始做♥爰♥我们没有选择Theystartedhavingsexatthecourthouse.Wehadnochoice.哦好吧我完全理解这个决定Oh,well,Icompletelyunderstand.局长我需要请你帮个大忙ChietIneedtoaskyouahugefavor.1.eslie1.eslie.Ron是个好人只是被卷入了一些糟心事Ronisagoodmanwh
32、ojustgotcaughtupinsomethingterrible.我希望你能从轻处罚释放他让我来监护AndIwashopingthatmaybeyouwouldreducehischargesandreleasehimintomycustody.好的.Allright.但让他远离那个图书馆疯子Butkeephimawayfromthatcrazylibrarian.我会尽我所能Illdomybest.实际上我不想让他靠近图书馆150米的范围内Infact,Idontwanthimwithin500feetofthelibrary.这是适用所有人的好建议Thatsgoodadvicefor
33、allofus.那里只有麻烦Nothingbuttroublethere.非常感谢兄弟-嘿停下-抱歉Thanksalot,bro.-Hey,stop.-Sorry.让我回去见Tammy-说了一百万次了不行TakemebacktoTammy.-Forthemillionthtime,no.那可不是我们需要他们帮的大忙LeslieThatwasnotthefavorweneededtoaskfor,Leslie.如果我们请不到警♥察♥助力丰收节Ifwedon,tgetthepolicefortheHarvestFestival,那就没有丰收节了thereisnoHarv
34、estFestival.我知道我待会儿想办法Iknow.llfigureitoutlater.你能把收音机关掉吗这是我们的歌♥Canyouturntheradiooff?Thisisoursong.你们的歌♥是LiOnelRitchie的(DancingontheCeiling啊YoursongisDancingontheCeilingbyLionelRichie?哦哇看看啊你剃掉了一部分的胡子真是可爱Oh,wow,lookatthat.Youshavedoffpartofyourmustache.Thatslovely.我不是自己剃掉的它是磨掉的Ididntsha
35、veitoff.Itrubbedoff.因为摩擦Fromfriction.恶Ugh.恶-恶Ugh.-Ugh.RonSwanson这是场F预会RonSwanson,thisisanintervention.你在过去24小时里吸着快乐汁磕着Tammy毒Youhavebeenspendingthelast24hourssippingonjoyjuiceandtrippingonTammy.那么这个房♥间里的人就是你的美♥沙♥酮♥Well,thepeopleinthisroomareyourmethadone.我们是来让你戒毒的Andwerehe
36、retogetyouclean.恭喜了Congratulations!神圣的婚姻这就是今天的男主角Holymatrimony,there,sthemanofthehour.JeiTy这是什么Jerry,whatisthis?那是我根据礼物登记买♥♥的一套酒杯ThatisthesetoftumblersthatIgotfromtheregistry.这是场干预会Thisisanintervention.我以为你电♥话♥里说的是招待会Ithoughtyousaidonthephoneitwasareception.好吧好的我们开始Okay.A
37、llright,letsbegin.我想对房♥间里这个看起来很傻穿着脏和服梳着玉米辫的小丑说Iwouldliketoaddressthegoofy-looking,dirty-kimono-wearing,corn-rowedclownintheroom.如果你见到RonSwanson能给他带个信吗IfyouseeRonSwanson,canyougivehimthismessage?你曾经是个真男人Youusedtobeaman.你得重新振作Youneedtogetyourhouseinorder.听着我对你的情谊像是兄弟1.ook,Iloveyoulikeabrother,但
38、现在我讨厌你就像讨厌我真的兄弟LeVondrious一样butrightnow,Ihateyoulikemyactualbrother,LeVondrious,可讨厌他了whoIhate.好的TomOkay,Tom.Ron你看起来很棒Ron,youlookgreat你的皮肤在发亮我从没见你如此开心Yourskinisglowing.veneverseenyousohappy.够了坐下Okay,sitdown.AndyAndy.Ron我没太理解现在发生的是什么Ron,Idonotreallyunderstandwhatisgoingonrightnow.但无论如何Butnomatterwhat,
39、你必须继续下去youmustkeepgoing.不No.你必须停下Youmuststop.我爱你哥们Iloveyou,buddy.追随你的梦想”Followyourdreams.说得很好Powerfulstuff.APriI你在这干什么April?Whatareyoudoinghere?我为你男朋友工作了你在这干什么Iworkforyourboyfriend.Whatareyoudoinghere?我来看看为什么Chris午饭放了我鸽子IcametoseewhyChrisstoodmeupforlunch,但我觉得我现在知道了butIthinkIjustfigureditout.因为他不喜欢你
40、不我很确定不是这样Becausehedoesntlikeyou.-No,mprettysurethatsnotit.实际上是因为我故意没打给你ActuallyitsbecauseIdidntcallyoudeliberately.如果你问我的话是可开除的过错Which,ifyouaskme,isafire-ableoffense.所以我会这么告诉他SoIwouldtellhimthat.还有他在性方面对你没兴趣Also,hesnotintoyousexually.AnnPerkinsAprilLudgate真的是我在地球上最喜欢的两个人AnnPerkins.AprilLudgate.Liter
41、allytwoofmyfavoritepeopleonearth.抱歉我得取消午餐msorrythatIhadtocancellunch.没事没有问题Notatall.Itsnotaproblem.April在电♥话♥上充满歉意她还给我送了花Aprilherewasveryapologeticonthephone.Shealsosentmeflowers.April想得很周到April.Nicetouch.你好Ron是我RonHello,Ron.ItsRon.如果你在看这个那意味着又一次Ifyourewatchingthis,itmeansthatonceagain
42、你已与恶魔共舞youhavedancedwiththedevil.现在你可能会想nTammy变了我们在一起会很幸福”Rightnow,youreprobablythinking,Tammyschanged.Wellbehappytogether.但你这么想只是因为她是条怪异的寄生虫Butyoureonlythinkingthatbecauseshesamonstrousparasite从你的私处钻进然后以你大脑为家whoenteredthroughyourprivatesandlodgedherselfinyourbrain.所以你有两个选择Soyouhavetwochoices.第一摆脱Ta
43、mmyOne,getridofTammy,或者第二脑叶切除以及阉♥割♥ortwo,lobotomyandcastration.选聪明点Choosewisely.你个蠢货Youstupid*.这是在浪费时间Thisisawasteoftime.你们这些人完全不知道自己在说什么Youpeoplehavenoideawhatyouretalkingabout.录像上是你自己那是你在讲话Thatwasyouonthetape.Thatwasyoutalking.RonRonRon?Ron!Ron你在这呢Ron.Thereyouare.Ron停下天啊拜托了Ron.Stopit
44、.God,please.Ron别那么做-哦已经做完了LeslieRon,dontdothat.-Oh,it,sdone,Leslie.Tammy和我相爱了我们要一起建立家庭TammyandIareinlove,andwe,regonnastartafamilytogether.实际上她正在排卵Infact,shesovulating.所以如果你们不介意我们要去度蜜月了Soifyoullexcuseus,wereheadingoffonourhoneymoon.哇你们要去哪JerryWow.Whereareyougoing?-Jerry.我们要在我的林中小屋度过11天Weregonnaspend
45、11daysinmycabininthewoods.我们买♥♥了10箱佳得乐和18公斤花生来补充能量Webought10casesofGatoradeanda40-poundbagofpeanutsforenergy.哦天哪-给我Oh,God.-Givemeit.好吧借过Okay.Excuseme.Ann和我要出门了AnnandIareheadedout我只想感谢你今天做的一切andIjustwantedtothankyouforeverythingtoday,我们明天见andIwillseeyoutomorrow.嗨ChrisHi,Chris.RonSWanSon让我过来给你送一份文件RonSwansonhassentmeovertodel
