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1、好了各位蜂鸟彩票时间到Okay,everybody.Timeforthehummingbirdlottery.好你们都知道规则找张纸写上自己的名字Okay.Youknowhowitworks.Writeyournamedownonapieceofpaper.不他们不是赢得一只蜂鸟No,theydontwinahummingbird.我在所有公园里装了蜂鸟喂食器Iinstalledhummingbirdfeedersinalltheparks,中奖的人要去给喂食器加水sothewinnergetstorefillthosefeeders.科学上讲蜂鸟是世界上最可爱的动物Scientificall
2、y,hummingbirdsaretheworldscutestanimals.我是说它们那么的小它们还有小小的鸟嘴Imean,they,resosmall.Andtheyhavetinybeaks.它们还只喝糖水啥能打败他们呢Andtheyonlyeatsugarwater.Imean,whatbeatsthat?不是吧穿尿不湿的猴宝宝啊确实Comeon.Babymonkeysindiapers?Yeah.Theydo.穿尿不湿的猴宝宝是最可爱的Babymonkeysindiapersarethecutest.好的会是谁呢Okay.Whositgoingtobe?不是我Notme.不是我不是
3、我不是我Notme.Notme.Notme.Jerry-耶)erry.-Yeah!你可以明早上班前顺路去Youcanstopbytomorrowmorningbeforework.这是我连续第三次了Thisismythirdtimeinarow.只是霉运连连而已了兄弟Justabadluckstreak,buddy.下次肯定会是我们中的一个Nexttime,msureitwilldefinitelybeoneofus.但不会是我因为我总是写.Butitwontbeme.BecauseIalwayswrite.是哦Yeah.是的Yep.不我总是写自己的名字No,Ialwayswritemyown
4、name.但保险起见我多加了20个JerryButjusttobesafe,Idoadd20extraJerrys.公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第19集第2季第19集最后为我们开启本周末系列儿童演唱会的Andfinally,WearegoingtokickofftheChildrensConcertSeriesthisweekend是Freddy意面的演出withaperformancebyFreddySpaghetti.我以为Freddy意面嗑药过度了IthoughtFreddySpaghetti0D,d.不那是趣味面条先生他不是嗑药他的鼓手开枪打了他No.ThatsMr.Funny
5、Noodle.Andhedidnt0D,hisdrummershothim.哦0h.顺便问问Jerry在哪呢他怎么还没回来WhereisJerry,bytheway?Whyisn,theback?他补个喂食器要多久啊Howlongdoesittaketofillbirdfeeders?可能他掉进厕所了Maybehefellintothetoilet.记得他掉进厕所那次吗Rememberwhenhefellintothetoilet?”哦抱歉同事们抱歉我迟到了”,0h,sorry,guys.Sorrymlate.”我有点晕然后洗了个澡”Igotconfusedandtookashower/”结果
6、是穿着衣服洗的因为我是JerryafterIgotdressed,becausemJerry.DavidMeyers市政厅工作的一个犹太人DavidMeyers,theJewishguywhoworksatCityHall,有一次跟我说oncetoldmesomething.一个“笨人”是在盛大宴会上打翻汤碗的人AShlumielistheguywhospillssoupatafancyparty.一个“霉人”是被汤泼到的那个人AShlimazelistheguyhespillsiton.Jerry同时是这个办公室的“笨人“和“霉人”JerryisboththeShlumielandtheSh
7、limazelofouroffice.然后我把内♥裤♥穿到头上而不是屁♥股♥上了AndthenIputmyunderwearonmyheadinsteadofmybutt.好了好了伙计们够了Okay,okay,guys,that,senough.除非有人还有个棒的例子Unlesssomebodyhasanothergoodone.哦Oh.嗨AnnHi,Ann.哦不Oh,no.JerryJerry你还好吗AnnJerry还好吗Jerry.Jerry,areyouokay?Ann,isJerryokay?你胳膊怎么了Ann告诉我Jerry的胳
8、膊怎么了Whatswrongwithyourarm?Ann,tellmewhatswrongwith)erry,sarm.Jerry跟我说话Ann让Jerry跟我说话Jerry,talktome.Ann,getJerrytotalktome.没事他没事Okay.Hesokay.他有点擦伤肩膀脱臼了Hesgotacoupleofscrapesandadislocatedshoulder.哦-发生什么了Oh!-Whathappened?你们只会笑我的Youguysarejustgoingtolaugh.为啥啊你肩膀脱臼是因为蜜罐卡在手上了吗Why?Didyouthrowoutyourshoulde
9、rtryingtoswingahoneypotoffyourhand?我被抢了-哦Iwasmugged.-Oh.哦我的天啊哦我太抱歉了JerryOh,myGod.Oh,msosorry,Jerry.我在去蜂鸟喂食器的路上顺便溜着Sheldon陛下IwasonmywaytothehummingbirdfeedersandIwaswalkingLordSheldon.恶心Ew!这是什么诡异的性癖代称吗Isthatcodeforsomekindofweirdsexact?Sheldon陛下是我的狗名字是我老婆起的1.ordSheldonismydog.Mywifenamedhim.恶心Ew!然后这些
10、小孩他们不知道从哪冒出来Anyway,thesekids,theycameoutofnowhere,他们夹住我的胳膊抢r我的钱包theypinnedmyarmback,theygrabbedmywallet,然后把我打倒在地andtheyknockedmetotheground.你反击了吗拳击喉咙Howdidyoucounter-attack?Fisttothethroat?你打了他的蛋吗Didyouhithiminthebeanbag?打罪犯的蛋是不需要羞耻的Theresnoshameinattackingacriminalsbeanbag.没有我只是团成了一团直到他们离开No,Ijustc
11、urledupandlaidstilluntiltheyleft.好吧这是另一种处理方式Well,that,sanotherwaytoplayit他们中有谁有奇怪纹身或者疤痕之类的吗Didanyofthemhaveweirdtattoosorscarsoranything?只要其中有一个人有特别的伤疤我们就能抓到Ifevenoneofthemhadauniquescar,wegotthem.我没好好看清Ididntgetagoodlook.该死Jerry抱歉你是受害者对不起对不起Damnit,Jerry.Sorry.Yourethevictim.Sorry.Sorry.我觉得我们应该为此事负责
12、Ifeellikewereresponsibleforthis.为啥又不是我们打劫JerryWhy?WedidntmugJerry.那一开始为什么他要去公园呢Well,whywasheintheparkinthefirstplace?因为我们骗他去的我没觉得有联♥系♥Becausewetrickedhimintogoingthere.Idontseetheconnection.我不知道这是我们的错这是报应Idontknow.Thisisonus.Itskarma.报应不应该是我们被打劫吗Wouldntitbekarmaifweweretheonesthatgotmu
13、gged?是啊Jerry就是这么可悲Yeah.ThatshowpatheticJerryis.连报应都没搞对Hecantevengetkarmaright.不那不好笑No,that,snotfunny.我们的朋友今天早上被抢劫了Ourfriendgotmuggedthismorning.我们不能让这白白发生AndWewillnotletthathappeninvain.他可没有黑眼圈Hedoesnthaveablackeye.坦白说整个部门都有黑眼圈Well,frankly,thewholedepartmenthasablackeye.这是我们的警钟伙计们Thisisourwake-upcal
14、l,guys.Jerry的脸是失败的象征Jerrysfaceisthesymboloffailure.象征着我们保护公园安全的失败Ourfailuretokeeptheparkssafe.我有几个文件夹里面有些任务Ihavesomefolders.Insidearesomeassignments.还有些手工太妃糖Andsomehomemadetaffy.嗯-嗯哼Mmm.-Mmm-hmm.April我想让你去联♥系♥我们的警局联♥系♥人April,Iwantyoutocheckinwithourpoliceliaison.Donna我需要你
15、去趟Ramsett公园Tom你跟我一起Donna,IneedyoutogotoRamsettPark.Tom,yourewithme.所以你说联♥系♥警局联♥系♥人的时候So,whenyousaythatyouwantmetocheckinwiththepoliceliaison,你的意思是勾引他对吧youmeanhookupwithhim,right?不只是联♥系♥他所有人解散No.)ustcheckinwithhim.Everybodydismissed.等等我想帮忙Wait.Iwanttohelp.帮什么
16、What?我来教所有人自卫这样你们就能保护自己mgoingtoteacheverybodyself-defense,soyoucandefendyourselves.我们需要这个因为我们确实太弱小了Weneedit.Becausewecertainlyareabunchofweaklings.特别是Tom-我才不弱小EspeciallyTom.-1amnotaweakling.现在跟我掰手腕Armwrestlemerightnow.好啊Okay.我觉得我不止能定住Ithinkmmorethanholdingmyownhere.三张四张五张.Three,four,five.嘿Hey.六张嘿你好吗
17、.Six.Hey!Howyoudoing?也不差Nottoobad.我只是刚刚把Jerry从医院接回来IwasjustdroppingoffJerryfromthehospital.他在公园里被抢了Hewasmuggedinthepark.不是吧JerryNo.Jerry?那个戴着兔八哥领带的家伙我爱死他了TheblackguywiththeLooneyTunesties?Ilovehim.不和Leslie*起工作的JerryNo.JerrywhoworkswithLeslie.那个Jerry-是啊ThatJerry?-Yeah.他被抢了Hegotmugged?哦那也挺惨的啊Oh.Well,I
18、mean,thatskindofabummer,too.嘿既然你在这你觉得这个怎么样Hey,whileIhaveyouhere,whatdoyouthinkofthis?呃Uh.滚动引号♥ScrotationMarks.我不知道你在说什么但我的I直觉是不1dontknowwhatyouretalkingabout,butmygutsaysno.乐队新名字Newbandname.因为“老鼠耗子”是个好名字BecauseMouseRaitsagreatname,但同时它也很烂butatthesametime,itsucks.所以我觉得我们必须再改最后一次So,IthinkWehave
19、tochangeitjustonemoretime.伙计你必须停下了Dude,youvegottostopdoingthat.人们怎么能粉上一个他们真的不知道Howarepeoplegoingtobecomefansiftheyliterallydontknow名字叫什么的乐队呢thenameofthebandthey,relisteningto?这真是很好的一个点Thatisareallygoodpoint.我跟Andy相处总是很开心IalwayshadfunwithAndy.问题是当你是他的女朋友你同时也是他的妈妈Theproblemis,whenyourehisgirlfriend,yo
20、urealsohismother,他的佣人还有他的护上andhismaidandhisnurse.他完全是无助的他就像是个紧身衣里的婴儿Hescompletelyhelpless.Heslikeababyinastraightjacket哦”紧身衣里的婴儿”那是个好的乐队名Ooh!BabyinaStraightjacket.Thatsagoodbandname.我该告诉他Ishouldtellhimthat.哈哈伙计们真有意思真正的横幅在哪Ha-ha,guys.Reallyfunny.Where,stherealbanner?我们只有一个小时Weonlyhadanhour.我也是啊看我做了啥S
21、odidI.LookwhatIdid.我们爱你Jerry伙计们好Hey,guys.JerryJerry!欢迎回来Welcomeback.真的天啊你们不该这么折腾的Really.Mygosh,youshouldnothavegonetoallthistrouble.为了我们的伙伴不算折腾给你Oh.It,snotroubleforourbuddy.Hereyougo.听着今天是Jerry日我们来做任何你想做的事情1.isten.TodayisJerryDay.We,lldowhateveryouwanttodo.任何事都行Anythingatall.诚实讲我只希望一切回到平常Honestly,wh
22、atIwouldliketodoisjusthaveeverythinggobacktonormal.我没问题-好Thatsoundsgoodtome.-Okay.我相信你要做一个报告Ibelieveyouweregoingtodoapresentation.是的先生我要我去准备了Yes,sir,Iwas.Iwillgosetup.好的Okay.记住了朋友们不开玩笑不乱评价只有支持Remember,youguys.Nojokes.Nocomments.Nothingbutsupport.他需要很多支持啊Heneedsalotofsupport.Tom别Tom.说的是男用胸罩Talkingabo
23、utabraforaman.好的认真的那是最后一个了Okay,seriously.Thatwasthelastone.所以我们知道春季打猎期马上就要开始So,asWeknow,SpringHuntingSeasonisuponus.呃总之这是新的许可证系统的信息Uh,anyway,herestheinfoaboutthenewlicensingsystem.呃Um.Jerry我觉.我觉得你电脑没连上Jerry?Idont.Idontthinkyourcomputerispluggedin.抱歉各位得插上电msorry,guys,)ustgottopowerup.首先要展示的是我打猎期的图表什么
24、Firstthingweshouldhaveismygraphabouttheseason.What?等等不这不是图表Waitaminute.No.Thatisnotthegraph.这是我去Muncie度假的照片ThatsapicturefrommyvacationtoMuncie.你度假就选在印第安纳州的Muncie吗YouwentonavacationandyouchoseMuncie,Indiana?是啊我老婆和我有个分时酒店Yeah.MywifeandIhaveatime-share.在Muncie吗InMuncie?TomMuncie是个“J爱的城市.Tom,Muncieisalo
25、velycity.继续打猎和钓鱼季的人流在减少好吧Anyway,HuntingandFishingSeasoniswindingdown.Okay?我们都知道村鱼的渔期已经结束了所以.Andweallknowthatit,salreadyclosedseasonontwout.11So,now.我说的是“村鱼“不是嚼鱼”Isaidtwoutinsteadoftrout.每个人都会这样的Ithappenstoeveryone.今天的利索很不嘴巴Mymarblesarefullofmouthtoday.你知道吗我眼镜找不到了有谁看到吗Youknowwhat?Hasanybodyseenmyglas
26、ses?我不觉得我能IdonteventhinkIcan.这里写着“1点开会“我们要跟谁会啊Itsayshere1:00meeting.Andwhoarewemeetingwith?不用担心-哦不拜托别Dontworryaboutit.-Oh,no.Please,no.Tom和公园管♥理♥员♥见面很重要Tom,itsimportanttomeetwiththeParkRangers.他们是第一道防线Theyarethefirstlineofdefense.1.eslieKnope1.eslieKnope!嘿Carl-怎么着啊坐办公室的Hey,Carl.
27、-Whatsup,pencilpushers?Haverford高兴见到你Haverford.Goodtoseeyou,man.这里很热吧我觉得很热你们觉得热吗Isithotinhere?Ifeelhot.Areyouguyshot?你们还好吗我很好你们有零食吗Howyouguysdoing?mgood.Youguysgotanysnacks?Carl是户外安全人员的头儿Carlistheheadofalloutdoorsecurity.为什么他从办公室转出去了呢你问Whywashetransferredfromhisindoordeskjob,youask.听1.isten.嘿Leslie你
28、看过阿凡达吗我没看过阿凡达Hey,Leslie.HaveyouseenAvatar?IneversawAvatar.我想先读下原作Iwantedtoreadthebookfirst,但我意识到阿凡达没有书butthenIrealizedtheresnobookversionofAvatar.你们圣帕特里克节怎么过的啊WhatdidyouguysdoforSt.PattysDay?我穿了件T恤上面写着“亲我我是爱尔兰人”Iwaswearingthist-shirtthatsaidKissme,mIrish.但没人愿意亲我Butnoonewouldkissme.所以只有你们的人受伤了之后我才有重要
29、性So.Youretooimportantformeuntiloneofyourowngetsattacked.我只是觉得我们为了保护公园安全有更多可以做的Ijustfeellikethere,smorewecandotokeeptheparkssafe.哦你觉得你知道怎么干我的活吗Oh,youthinkyouknowhowtodomyjob?你要是穿着我7码的鞋走一公里可能就没那么自信了Well,youmightnotbesoconfidentonceyouvewalkedamileinmysizesevens.脚有点小啊Kindofsmallfeet.实际上7码是世界平均值Actually
30、,sevenistheworldwideaverage.哈Boom!欢迎来到紧急H卫术课程Welcometotheemergencyself-defenseclass.我会向你们展示如何脱离一系列情况llbeshowingyouhowtoescapefromavarietyofsituations,同时给予袭击者最大伤害whileinflictingmaximumdamageonyourattackers.Ron你觉得或许我该给Mark夹个头吗Ron,doyouthinkthatmaybeIshouldputMarkinaheadlock?那样我可以向所有人展示如何摆脱一个变♥态
31、♥Thatway,Icanshoweveryonehowtoescapeapervert?在你刚刚形容的场景里你才是变♥态♥Inthescenarioyoujustlaidout,yourethepervert.你懂的吧Youunderstandthat,right?做梦吧你-够了Youwish.-Enough.我们从简单的开始展示一下mgoingtostartoffsimple,anddemonstrate如何从抓手腕中逃脱howtoextractoneselffromawristgrab.AndyAnn上来Andy.Ann.Stepuphere.我
32、看了很多Lifetime台的电影有一部叫做IwatchalotOfLifetimemovies.Therewasthisone,多远是足够太远：TeriPalliberLonergan的故事HowFarisTooFarEnough:TheTeriPalliberLonerganStory.这个女人有旷野恐惧症她的咨♥询♥师却迷恋着她Thiswomanhadagoraphobiaandhertherapistwasobsessedwithher,然后他躲在她的房♥子里andhehidinherhouse.然后他袭击了她还试着吃她的脚指头Andthenhe
33、attackedherandtriedtoeathertoes.此外她的女儿过早就开始了性生活Also,herdaughterwashavingsexwaytooyoung.所以免费的自卫课吗我来了So,yeah.Freeself-defenseclass?mthere.然后就开始拧Andthenjusttwistaway.非常好非常好干得漂亮Verygood.Verygood.Welldone.哦现在如何啊强盗Oh!Whatsupnow,mugger?Ann这也太棒了有两下子Ann,thatwasawesome.Thatwasreallygood.Sweetums零食摊我不知道LeSlie我
34、宁愿问办公室Idontknow,Leslie.dratherbebackattheoffice.我知道这对你很痛苦Jerry但你需要坚强IknowthisispainfulforyouJerry,butyouhavetobestrong.你们准备好了吗Youguysready?哦天是好了准备好了Oh,boy.Yeah,okay.Wereready.我会给你们展示一下我们面对的问题mgoingtoshowyouguysalltheproblemswevebeenfacing.我会给你们展示我们已经尽我们所能了mgoingtoshowyouthatwe,vebeendoingeverythingw
35、ecan.我期待能一起工作CaHWell,mlookingforwardtoworkingtogether,Carl.在那之后我会给你们展示我发现的一块圆木Andafterthat,mgoingtoshowyouthislogIfound.上面有大概50只虫子我叫它“虫木”It,sgot,like,fiftywormsonitIcallitwormlog.是啊我一直都是户外那种人Yeah,Ivealwaysbeenabitofanoutdoorsman.我小时候我父母经常让我呆在后院WhenIwasakid,myparentsusedtomakemehangoutinthebackyardal
36、ot跑来跑去直到跑累为I上andjustrunarounduntilIgottired.但如果外面有罪犯在看着我永远都不会跑累Butifthere,sanycriminalsouttherewatching,Inevergettired.有美女也是样Andladies,too.这玩意儿也太脏了Thisthingisamess.实际上我们本来有三辆车Weusedtohavethreecarts,actually.第一-辆被些小孩推到小溪里了Thefirstonegotpushedintothecreekbysomekids.第二辆浣熊占领了到处都是尿Thesecondone,raccoonsgo
37、tonto.Therewasurineeverywhere.第二辆最近被偷了Andthethirdonewasrecentlystolen.这是第几辆-这是第二辆Whatsthisone?-Thisisthesecondone.浣熊尿那辆Theraccoonpissone.好的我们就准备出发rAllright.Soweregoingtojustheadout.哦不你知道吗我觉得我们超载rOh,no.Youknowwhat?Ithinkwevegottoomuchweight.哦Oh.可能是Tom吧ThatsTom,probably.有没有搞错Areyouserious?Tom拜托你能下车吗To
38、m,canyougetOffplease?跟着车跑吧好吗Justrunalongsidethecart,okay?好出发了Okay.Herewego.哇Whoa!所以我想跟你讲一点这个公园的事情So,Iwanttotellyoualittlebitaboutthepark.前面左手边是我们最美丽的一片草坪Uphereontheleftisoneofourmostbeautifulgrassfields.主要是草It,sprimarilygrass.好的我要在这急转向左了Allright,mgoingtomakeahardlefthere.跟上TomStickwithus,Tom.好的学会了-谢
39、谢-下一位AndyOkay.Lessonlearned.-Thankyou.-Next.Andy.厉害我会对Andy实施攻击姿势Impressive.mgoingtoengageAndyinanattackhold,他要尝试逃脱andhesgoingtotryandbreakfree.酷啊我不想伤害你RonCool.Now,Idontwanttohurtyou,Ron.别担心只要努力挣脱我的攻击Dontworryaboutthat.Justtrytoescapemyattack.当我挣脱出去允许我反击吗Now,whenIgetout,amIallowedtocounter-strike?当然你
40、挣脱的时候可以反击Sure.Whenyougetout,youmaycounter-attack.但保证你会准备好Butjustpromisemeyoullbeready,因为我觉得我不想毁了你because,Imean,1dontwanttodestroyyou.好吧我看出来我们要这样Okay.Iseewhereweregoingwiththis.当你的手臂被束缚在两侧用腿挣脱Now,whenyourarmsarepinnedtoyoursides,useyourlegstobreakfree,而不是用脖子而Andy现在就在这么做insteadofyourneck,whichiswhatAn
41、dyistryingtodo.好的等等松手Okay,holdup.Getoff!放开他1.ethimgo.AndyAndy.哦天哪-啊哦Oh,God.-Oops.这些看起来眼熟吗Anyofthislookingfamiliar?是啊就发生在那边Yeah.Ithappenedrightoverthere.哦是我不意外看看这条路Oh,yeah.mnotsurprised.Takealookatthispath.因为预算削减我们一盏安全灯都买♥♥不起Withbudgetcuts,wecantaffordasinglesafetylight.今年已经有10次袭击事件了The
42、resbeen10assaultsalreadythisyear.哇真的吗Wow.Really?你们不能在这安排个公园管♥理♥员♥吗CantyoustationaParkRangerouthere?我们安排了啊你觉得他们袭击的是谁Wehave!Whodoyouthinktheyreassaulting?抱歉没想喊的msorry.Ididntmeantoyell.不管怎样我要搞到我的钱这样你们就能保护JerryOnewayoranother,mgoingtogetmoneysoyoucanprotectJerry,以及这个镇上其他无助可悲的人们andal
43、ltheotherhelpless,patheticpeopleinthistown.你们得开慢点了Youguyshavegottoslowdown.我能就休息一分钟吗CanIjusttakearestforaminute?不行Tom抱歉不能做到No,Tom.Sorry.Nocando.太阳快下山了外面挺危险的Sunsgoingdownanditsrealdangerousouthere.开路Carl-好的很快的哦1.etsroll,Carl.-Okay.Goingfast.好吧今天星期几Okay,whatdayisittoday?我不知道Idontknow.好吧但公平来说你从来都不知道Oka
44、y,buttobefair,youneverknow.这也没错Thatskindoftrue.我特不擅长星期几但实话说我没事msuperbadatdays.Buthonestly,mfine.抱歉我把你挤晕了孩子SorryIsqueezedyourlightsoutthere,son.没事你要叫我怎么用那一招吗Noworries.Willyoushowmehowtodothatmove,though?当然我现在就可以教Sure.1canteachyourightnow.不不不Andy你应该休息一下我觉得No,no,no.Andy,youshouldreallyjusttakeiteasy,It
45、hink.你要再喝点水吗或者吃点煎饼Doyouwantsomemorewater?Ormaybesomepancakes?不不我没事谢谢No.No,mfine.Thankyou.打架的第一步是什么Whatisthefirstmoveinanyfight?打他蛋蛋Punchtotheballs.我们都听过那句俗语Weveallheardtheoldsaying.”公园应该是好玩的”Parksaresupposedtobefun.但有时强盗们有自己的想法Butsometimes,muggershavetheirownideas.公园部的LeSIieKnope又来和我们一起了LeslieKnopeiswithusagainfromtheParksDepartment.Leslie讲讲你的故事1.eslie,tellusyourstory.这是我的同事JerryGergichThisismyco-worker,JerryGergich.有糖尿病略微走形朋友Diabetic.Sloppilyo
