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1、“谢谢你老Gus擦亮我们的生活Thankyou,OldGus,forbrighteningourlives,“我们的心以及最重要的我们的鞋子”ourhearts,andmostimportantly,ourshoes.这对我确实是百感交集的一天Thistrulyisadayofmixedemotionsforme.老GUS退休了我很难过msadthatOldGusisleaving,但我能帮Andy以开拓者礼堂新鞋匠的身份重启生活butitallowsmetohelpAndyrestarthislifeasPioneerHallsnewshoeshineguy.你们这些无聊演讲我已经听了50年
2、了Well,vebeenlisteningtoyourboringspeechesforthelast50years,现在终于有一次你们能听我讲了andnowitstimeforyoutolistentooneofmine.知道吗这样的天真的让人反省自己的生活Youknow,adaylikethismakesamanreflectuponhislife,而我得出的结论是我的生活彻底浪费了andvecometotheconclusionthatvecompletelywastedmine.顺便说我从来没喜欢过你们叫我老GusAndjustfortherecord,Inevereverlikedb
3、eingcalledOldGus.我二十来岁的时候还不懂但我现在讨厌死了IdidntunderstanditwhenIwasinmy2Os,andIsurehateitnow.所以你们每个人都下地狱吧Sogotohell,everysingleoneofyou.去你♥妈♥的♥PaWnee去你♥妈♥的♥你们的鞋子ScrewPawnee,andscrewyourdamnshoes.哦天啊真经典Oh,God.Thatsclassic.公园与游憩公园与游憩公园与游憩第2季第8集第2季第8集所以我提议将我们的名字So,I
4、proposethatwechangeournamefrom从大坑美化子委员会theSub-committeeforPitBeautification改为空地美化子委员会totheSub-committeeforLotBeautification.April停下来你给谁发短♥信♥呢April,stopthat.Whoareyoutexting?你啊You.嗷Aw.她在给我发呢Shestextingme.抱歉让你觉得无聊msorryyou,rebored.呃大家好嘿AnnUh,hey,everyone.Oh,hey,Ann.1.eslie能跟你说件事吗1.eslie,
5、canItalktoyouforaminute?行Tom你来主持Fine.Tom,youreincharge.保持这个劲头保持这些思路Keepthemomentumgoing.Keepthesemindsworking.当然头儿好的Absolutely,chief.Okay.你是希望能飞呢还是说流利法语呢Wouldyouratherbeabletofly,orspeakfluentFrench?Donna开始-法语Donna,go.-French.我不想吓到你Idontwannafreakyouout,但另一个部门签署r48号♥地的使用计划butanotherdepartment
6、filedaplanningclaimforLot48.谁Who?不-是No.-Yeah.该死图书馆吗Damnit.Thelibrary?Pawnee的图书馆部门是最恶毒的Pawneeslibrarydepartmentisthemostdiabolical,最无情的官僚们从来没见过这样的ruthlessbunchOfbureaucratsveeverseen.他们跟暴走族一样Theyrelikeabikergang,但不是川猎枪和冰♥毒♥而是用政♥治♥头脑和嘘声butinsteadofshotgunsandcrystalmeth,the
7、yusepoliticalsavvyandshushing.没事的还没完全确定呢Itsgonnabeokay.Itsnotadonedeal.是的你没错谢谢你拉我出来Yeah,youreright.Thanksforpullingmeoutofthere.我需要一个好计划我不想制♥造♥恐慌Ineedagoodplanthough.Idontwanttocauseapanic.新闻快讯我们被&hearts汗♥了我们跟图书馆有个大♥麻♥烦Newsflash,werescrewed.Wegotabigproblemwiththel
8、ibrary.干书的混♥蛋♥Punk-assbookjockeys.等等为什么我们讨厌图书馆Wait.Whydowehatethelibrary?图书馆是人类历史上最糟糕的乌合之众Thelibraryistheworstgroupofpeopleeverassembledinhistory.他们刻薄纵容粗鲁并目.饱读诗书Theyremean,conniving,rude,andextremelywellread,因此他们十分危险whichmakesthemverydangerous.而且他们正想偷走48号♥地来开新分馆Andtheyretryingto
9、stealLot48foranewbranch.什么-滚吧What?-Getoutofhere.是的是的-48吗Yeah.Yeah.-On48?其实我觉得有个离我家这么近的图书馆挺好的Iactuallythinkalibrarywouldbenicethatclosetomyhouse.我们扳倒图书馆吧-耶1.etsbringthelibrarydown.-Yeah.但我肯定不会在那里说啊Butmnotabouttosaythatinthere.新分馆-混♥蛋♥们Anewbranch?-Jerks.开玩笑吧-啊我讨厌他们Yourekidding.-Oh,Ihatet
10、hem.好吧我们得跟他们那边的人联♥系♥Okay.Weneedtomakecontactwithsomeonethere.谁认识在图书馆里工作的人吗Doesanybodyknowanybodythatworksatthelibrary?那个我们其实算认识Well,weactuallykindofdo.部门新副主任是TammySwansonThenewDeputyDirectorofthedepartmentisTammySwanson.Ron的前妻吗那太好了Ronsex-wife?That,sterrific.或者太糟了我是说他讨厌她但他认识她Oristhatawf
11、ul?Imean,hehatesher,butheknowsher.应该没问题还是说还是一样Everythingsokay.Orisitjustthesame?1.eslie你又把心理活动说出来了1.eslie,yourethinkingoutIoudagain.是吗确实是AmI?Iam.真好啊那个前妻姨♥子♥现在在给图书馆打工了Ofcourse.Thatbitchofanex-wifeisworkingforthelibrarynow.太完美了Thatisperfect.世界最坏的人在世界最坏的地方工作Theworstpersonintheworldworking
12、attheworstplaceintheworld.我得去和她聊聊你得给我点对付她的招数Ihavetogotalktoher.AndyougottogivemesomethingIcanuse.她有什么弱点吗Doesshehaveanyweaknesses?没有No.什么意思没有每个人都有弱点啊Whatdoyoumean,no?Everybodyhasaweakness.机器没有Notmachines.我真的相信她是未来人编写后1honestlybelievethatshewasprogrammedbysomeonefromthefuture送回过去来毁灭一切幸福的tocomebackandd
13、estroyallhappiness.我知道了只是我知道你有两个叫Tammy的前妻Isee.JustIknewthatyouhadtwoex-wivesnamedTammy,我希望至少有一个你能相处得来soIwashopingthattherewasonethatyougotalongwithand.不她俩我都讨厌Nope.Ihatethemboth.在我的病床上我最后的愿望是让我的前妻们赶回我身边Onmydeathbed,myfinalwishistohavemyex-wivesrushedtomyside,所以我能用最后一口气最后一次告诉她们该卜地狱soIcanusemydyingbrea
14、thtotellthembothtogotohellonelasttime.我会再婚吗哦当然WouldIgetmarriedagain?Oh,absolutely.如果你连爱情都不相信了活着还有什么意思呢Ifyoudontbelieveinlove,whatsthepointofliving?我只期待会和Tammy有一场理性对话mjustlookingforwardtoathoughtfuldebatewithTammy来讨论公园和图书馆的相对价值abouttherelativemeritsofparksversuslibraries.如果出了什么坏事我戴了最锋利的戒指Andincasesom
15、ethingbadgoesdown,Iworemysharpestrings.这个能把你撕碎Thisonewilltearyouup.图书馆服务部门副主任TammySwanson你好嗨Hello?Hi.我是LeslieKnope我稍早打过电♥话♥mLeslieKnope.Icalledalittlewhileago.你还真有脸在这露面啊Youhavealotofnerveshowingyourfacehere.你什么意思Excuseme?你一共有$3的还书逾期罚款小姐Youhaveoverduebookfeestotaling$3,missy.这也太典型了我该知道你
16、会用这种下三滥的Thatissotypical.Ishouldhaveknownyoudusealowblow,肮脏的狗屎手段不是dirtypoolBSmovelikethat.-No.这就是大家都讨厌图书馆的原因Thatswhyeverybodyhatesthelibrary.来这是你的二块钱Here.Youknowwhat?Heresyour$3.1.eSlie别-我们地狱见1.eslie,no.-Andllseeyouinhell.1.eslieLeslieLeslie我开玩笑的1.eslie,Leslie,Leslie.mjustkidding.天啊你确实有$3的罚款但我消掉了Mygo
17、sh,Imean,youdidhave$3worthoffines,butIclearedthem.我们政♥府♥姐妹要互相支持嘛对吧Wegovernmentgalshavetowatcheachothersbacks,right?我知道这是个陷阱但我不知道是怎么挖的1knowthisisatrap.But1dontknowhow.好吧你和ROn聊过了Okay.DidyoutalktoRon?Ron提到我的时候喜欢夸大其词Rontendstoexaggeratewhenitcomestome.我发誓我不是什么偶足恶魔IswearIdonthaveclovenfeet请
18、坐吧Please.Sitdown.擦擦擦皮鞋咯Shine,shine,shineyourshoes.需要吗先生女士擦鞋吗我不会偷看你裙底的Whatdoyousay,sir?Ma,am?Shoeshine?Iwontlookupyourskirt.Ann哇哦天啊Ann.Whoa.Oh,mygosh.真神奇你干嘛呢是我是AndyCrazy.Whatareyoudoing?Itsme.It,sAndy.嗨AndyHi,Andy.所以Ann最近咋样啦So,Ann,howyoubeen?挺好啊Leslie告诉我你在这工作了Good.Yeah,Leslietoldmeyouwereworkingheren
19、ow.是啊刚刚加入这场竞争追逐名利Yeah,Ijustjoinedtheratrace.Chasingthecheese.竞了个争逐了个利Racingtherats,tryingtogetthecheese.技术商业的聊够了你看起来太醉人了Enoughtechnicalbusinesstalk.Youlookravishing.没什么顾客是吧Notalotofcustomers,huh?是啊业绩不咋地Yeah,businessisalittleslow.绝对是跟经济有关系Itisdefinitelyduetotheeconomy.我听一堆人说了一堆关于这个的一堆事vebeenhearingal
20、otofpeoplesaythatalotaboutalotofstuff.哇Mark你想擦个鞋吗Whoa,Mark.Youwantthoseshoesshined?你是Ann的朋友我给你打个折llgiveyouadiscountbecauseyoureafriendofAnns.我和Ann不只是朋友啊Well,mmorethanafriendofAnns.不会很久了Notforlong.什么Sorry?我不知道至少他终于有个真工作了1dontknow.Atleasthefinallyhasarealjob.我们约会的时候他唯一的“工作”Whenweweredating,theonlyjobh
21、ehad幸存者野外生存节目一掷千金猜奖金节目就是给幸存者或者一掷千金发报名短片wassendingauditiontapestoSurvivorandDealorNoDeal.嗨我的名字是AndyDwyerHi,mynameisAndyDwyer,我会是一掷千金的完美参赛者andIwouldbeaperfectcontestantforDealorNoDeal.我希望它变成一个完美的公园有现代的秋千Iwantittobeaperfectparkwithastate-of-the-artswingset,篮球场旁边还有andbasketballcourts,andofftotheside,给哮喘
22、小孩坐着看其他孩子玩的温馨入座区alovelysittingareaforkidswithasthmatowatchotherkidsplay.哇如果我长大时能有这么个公园Wow.IfdhadaparklikethatwhenIwasgrowingup,可能我就不会经历那么漫长的商场荡♥妇♥阶段了Iprobablywouldnthavegonethroughsuchaprolongedmall-slutphase.这就是我们的目标啊TammyWell,thatsthegoal,Tammy.听着你们先去那的1.isten,youguysgottherefirst.出于
23、对你专业的礼貌我就撤回我的请求mgonnawithdrawmyrequestforthelot,asaprofessionalcourtesytoyou.政♥府♥姐妹对吧Governmentgals,right?政♥府♥姐妹Governmentgals.所以你和Tammy聊过了SoyoutalkedtoTammy?直视撒旦的屁♥眼♥感觉如何WhatsitliketostareintotheeyeofSatansbutthole?她变了Ron她是另一个人了Sheschanged,Ron.She,sadiffere
24、ntperson.我觉得你们有个了结的话会很健康Ithinkitwouldbehealthyforyoutogetasenseofclosure.看看Mark和我我们睡过了1.ookatMarkandme.Weslepttogether.我们聊过了我们还是朋友Wetalkedaboutit,we,restillfriends.你和Brendanawicz睡过了YousleptwithBrendanawicz?没No.Tammy和我行不通我们像是油和水1.ook,TammyandIdontwork.Weareoilandwater.或者油和TNTC4炸♥弹♥引爆装置再
25、加一个丁烷灯Oroil,andTNT,andC-4,andadetonator,andabutanetorch.没有好事会Nothinggoodwillcome.等等Wait.她来了对吧Sheshere,isntshe?你好啊RonHi,Ron.TammyTammy.很好好开始Good.Goodstart.我这样很抱歉但我只想跟你聊聊msorryaboutthis,butIjustreallywannatalktoyou.我们能喝杯咖啡吗Couldntwegohaveacupofcoffee?我们速战速决1.etsgetthisoverwith.谢了ROn这对我意义重大Thanks,Ron.I
26、tmeansalot.你是个奇迹制♥造&hearts渚Youreamiracleworker.哦Oh.你知道你刚刚做了什么吗-知道DonnaDoyouknowwhatyoujustdid?-Yes,Donna.我让两个人搁置了几年来的敌意Igottwopeopletoputasideyearsofhostility为潜在的友谊打开了门andopenadoortothepossibilityoffriendship.Ron和Tammy离婚的时候你还不在这我在YouwerenotherewhenRonandTammygotdivorced.Iwas.这俩人就是疯子Thosetwoar
27、ecrazy.是啊你刚刚打开了疯人院的门Yeah.AndyoujustopenedthegatestoCrazytown.坦白说我觉得Ron有点小孩子气了Frankly,IthinkRonwasactinglikeababy,alittlebit.他在害怕什么呢Tammy只是个女人Imean,whatisheafraidof?Tammy,sjustawoman.一个好女人她又不是个杀人犯Anicewoman.Youknow,shesnotamurderer.她也不是条龙Shesnotadragon.见到你挺好的RonIt,sreallygoodtoseeyou,Ron.你的老样挺可怕的Youv
28、eagedhorribly.你个姨♥子♥养♥的♥Yousonofabitch.没坚持太久-哦我的天啊Thatdidnttakelong.-Oh,myGod.你什么毛病啊什么都没变不是吗Whatisyourproblem?Nothingschanged,hasit?谁烧的床啊哈抱歉老乡们Whosetthebedonfire,huh?-Excuseme,folks.我烧的好嘛这是你想听的吗Idid.Okay?Isthatwhatyouwannahear?拜托了老乡们-我们没事我们没事Please,folks.-Werefine.Werefin
29、e.我很抱歉求你们了Okay.msosorry.-Please.好悠着点我的天Fine.-Takeiteasy.-Oh,myGod.当你搅和进他人的私生活时Whenyoumeddleinsomeonespersonallife,会很有成就感it,sjustsorewarding.哦天啊好哦天啊Oh,God,yes.Oh,God.哦哇-棒Oh,wow.-Yeah.先生女士Sir.Maam.哦天啊Oh,God.哦是的宝贝加足马力Oh,yes.Baby.Gunit.去老地方Theusualplace.*男人的名牌写着持枪游历*HaveGunWillTravelreadsthecardofaman*无
30、甲的骑士在蛮荒之地*Aknightwithoutarmorinasavageland早上好Jerry这件毛衣真漂亮Goodmorning,Jerry.Thatisabeautifulsweatervest.April看起来你需要20块钱啊对吧April.Youlooklikeyoucoulduse$20.AmIright?为什么Why?因为你是个孩子孩子总需要钱的Causeyoureakid,andkidsalwaysneedmoney.我也需要钱啊Ineedmoney.哈所以你才是我最喜欢的啊TomHa!Thatswhyyouremyfavorite,Tom.当老虎伍兹春风得意的时候When
31、TigerWoodsfeelsinvincible,他会穿一件红上衣和黑裤子hewearsaredshirtandblackpants.早上好副官Goodmorning,Deputy.Ron在做♥爱♥后第二天也这么穿Ronwearsthesamethingafterhe,shadsex.我是个简单的男人masimpleman.我喜欢深发美女和早餐食物Ilikepretty,dark-hairedwomenandbreakfastfood.但我在框架商店买♥♥的这张照片不是真的ButthisstockphotoIboughtataframi
32、ngstoreisntreal.今天我得到了真东西Today,Igottherealthing.今早一个全♥裸♥的Tammy给我做了早餐AnakedTammymademebreakfastthismorning.我应该拍张照的Ishouldhavetakenapictureofit.嘿TOm怎么了Hey,Tom.-Whatsup?我女朋友的前任在我工位30米外的地方工作Mygirlfriendsexisworking100feetawayfrommydesk,而且他很明确想要把她夺问去andhe,sbeenprettyclearaboutwantingherback
33、.我该怎么做WhatdoIdowiththat?嗯这是个难题Mmm.Thafsatoughone.你应该和她分手告诉她跟我约会Youshouldbreakupwithher,andtellhertogooutwithme.挺好的我能再问个问题吗Thatsgood.CanIaskyouanotherquestion?我为啥要来问你呢WhydidIcometoyouforadvice?好吧我觉得你该冷静对待啊朋友Okay.Ithinkyoushouldplaythisonecool,man.做个成熟的大人走高尚的路Bethegrown-up.Takethehighroad.是啊Yeah.Ann是个
34、上档次的妞Ann,saclassychick.如果你去蹿浑水只会失去她的尊重Ifyougetdowninthemud,yourejustgonnaloseherrespect.你居然说得很有道理Tom谢谢Youvejustmadeasurprisingamountofsense,Tom.Thankyou.我从来不走高尚的路但我告诉他人走venevertakenthehighroad.ButItellotherpeopleto.这样我就能安心抄小路了Causethentheresmoreroomformeonthelowroad.所以和Tammy咖啡喝得怎么样So,howdidyourcoffe
35、ewithTammygo?1.eslie我太感谢你1.eslie,Icantthankyouenough管了不该管的事forstickingyournosewhereitdidntbelong.我就知道你们都聊了些啥旧事吗Iknewit.Sowhatdidyouguystalkabout?Oldtimes?哦我爱死聊旧事了新事也很棒Oh,Ilovetalkingaboutoldtimes.Newtimesaregreat,too,但旧事就是有点你知道的吧buttheresjustsomethingaboutoldtimes,youknowwhatImean?我们没聊我们做♥爱&h
36、earts;了Wedidnttalk.Wemadelove.哦天嗯好Oh,my.Mmm.Good.细节就别讲了我很高兴Well,sparemethedetails.mjusthappy.太激烈了我感觉我的身体和她融为一体了Itwassointense,Ididntknowwheremyfleshstoppedandhersbegan.你懂我意思吧Youknowwhat1mean?懂Yeah.我们的婚姻一直完全是灾难但我们还有那个Ourmarriagewasalwaysacompletedisaster,butwedidhavethat.互相之间就像缓慢地一边吸致幻剂一边打喷嚏持续六个小时The
37、twoofus.Itslikedoingpeyoteandsneezing,slowly,forsixhours.这听起来是私事但我很.Thisseemslikeaprivatematter,butmso.那个女人真的知道处理阴♥茎♥的法则Thatwomanreallyknowsherwayaroundapenis.好的我很开心进展顺利你们很享受咖啡Okay.Well,mhappythatitwentwellandthatyouenjoyedyourcoffee.我真心认为所有人都该和前任做朋友Itrulybelievethateveryoneshouldbefri
38、endswiththeirexes.我都不知道参加过多少个前任的婚礼Icanteventellyouhowmanyofmyexesweddingsvebeento.他们在读原来的离婚协议Theyrereadingtheirolddivorcepapers.”三把头发“根本不可能啊Threefistfulsofhair.Thatsnotevenpossible.Donna我档次太高不想说“我早说了”Well,mtooclassytosayItoldyouso,Donna.所以我写在便签上了SoIwroteitonaPost-it.我早说了1.eslie1.eslie.要不你今天就休息吧Whydo
39、ntyoutaketherestofthedayoff?我觉得你花了这么长时间担心这个公园Imean,youspendsomuchtimeworryingaboutthispark,但实际上谁在乎呢butreally,whocares?我在乎我特别在乎Icare.Icarealot.这是我的天性记得吗Itskindofmything,remember?但到头来这片空地变成公园博物馆或者超级教堂又有什么关系呢Butattheendoftheday,whatdoesitmatterifthelotbecomesapark,oramuseum,oramegachurch?或者图书馆Oralibrar
40、y.没人说过“图书馆“啊Nobodysaidlibrary.Ron你跟Tammy说过那块地的事情了吗Ron,haveyoubeentalkingtoTammyaboutthelot?没No.我向一座墓发誓Iswearonagrave.哦我的天啊Ron说实话Oh,myGod.Ron,tellmethetruth.你是不是把地给她了Areyougivingherthelot?不是给Notgiving.我们做了一笔交易Wehavediscussedatrade.换了啥Forwhat?更多More.你说什么Excuseme?更多性生活Moresex.恶Ugh!Tammy我能跟你说两句吗Tammy,ca
41、nIspeakwithyouforasecond?我知道你在干什么你不在乎Ron1knowwhatyou,redoing.YoudontcareaboutRon.你只是利用他搞到48号♥地建图书馆YourejustusinghimtogetLot48foryourlibrary.1.eslie真是疯了而且猜对了1.eslie,thatscrazy.Andcorrect.你为什么这么做啊Whyareyoudoingthis?1.es世上有两种女人1.es,therearetwokindsofwomeninthisworld.一种努力工作为做正确的事情绞尽脑汁Therearewome
42、nwhoworkhardandstressoutaboutdoingtherightthing.还有一种很酷Andthentherearewomenwhoarecool.你可以当埃及艳后或者可以当罗斯福夫人YoucouldeitherbeaCleopatraoryoucouldbeanEleanorRoosevelt.我宁愿做埃及艳后dratherbeCleopatra.哪种疯子会想做埃及艳后而不是罗斯福夫人啊WhatkindoflunaticwouldwannabeCleopatraoverEleanorRoosevelt?你有没有搞晕过一个男人Haventyouevermessedwith
43、amanshead只是为了看看能让他为你做什么justtoseewhatyoucouldgethimtodoforyou?我们图书馆部总这么做WedoitallthetimeintheLibraryDepartment.你有空该来和我们一起Youshouldcomejoinussometime.我永远不会为图书馆部工作IwouldneverworkattheLibraryDepartment.我会告诉Ron你刚刚说的话mgonnatellRonwhatyoujustsaid,你这个小游戏很快就结束了andthislittlegamethatyoureplayingisgonnabeover.好
44、了个咯Okeydoke.是哦你最好快跑Yeah,youbetterrun.我们不是政♥府♥姐妹了Werenolongergovernmentgals.我们得聊聊1.ook,weneedtotalk.Ron别Ron,no.规划部优先级重定文件ThePlanningDepartmentRe-prioritizationDocument?冷静我还没签呢Calmdown,Ihaventsignedityet.是啊但你准备签广Yeah,well,youregoingto.因为Tammy想让你签她想要啥你都做BecauseTammywantsyouto,andyoudoever
45、ythingthatshewants.她说了几点图书馆很好的原因Shemadesomereallygoodpointsaboutlibraries.你听听你自己Areyouevenlisteningtoyourself?你在为图书馆辩护了吗Youredefendingthelibrarynow?Ron图书馆哎Ron,thelibrary?在世界上这么多可怕的悲惨的东西里Ofallthehorrilying,miserablethingsintheworld?有些人喜欢图书馆啊Somepeoplelikelibraries.我不敢相信我听到了啥Icantevenbelievewhatmhearing.”有些人喜欢图书馆Ron她进你脑子了Somepeoplelikelibraries.Ron,shesinyourhead.你说她是个控制人的怪物确实没错Yousaidthatshewasamanipulativemonster,andyouwereright不不Tammy变了No.No.Tammyschanged.看着我
