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1、克拉克森的农场第二十集痛心时刻丽莎镜头珊莎跟着Sansa!Heel,heel,heel.跟着狗狗别去狗狗过来Dogs!No,dogs,comehere.真气人Bollocks.猪丽斯库阿特Pigglysquats.小猪猪你们好呀你们还好吗？Hello,piggies.Howareyouall?小猪猪Piggies!这些是小姑娘它们很贪玩Thesearethegirls,theyreveryplayful.这些都是怀孕的猪妈妈Theseareallthepregnantmothers.现在是三月初猪丽斯库阿特小猪崽狂潮ItwasnowearlyMarch,andtheexplosionofnew
2、bornPigglySquatpiglets随时会袭击农场wasduetohitthefarmatanymoment.你们要生孩子了吗？Areyougoingtogivebirth?另外因为现在是三月卡莱布正忙着春耕Also,asitwasMarch,Kalebwasbusywiththespringcrops而我想到了一个办法我觉得可能会对他有所帮助anddcomeupwithanideawhichIthoughtmighthelphimalong.我们快没地方了这里面存的是什么？Wererunningoutofspace.化肥Whatsinhere?-Fertiliser.什么?什么玩意？
3、What?Whatthefuck?我买♥♥了一辆气垫船Iboughtahovercraft.Talktome!你跟我解释一下你知道的我喜欢气垫船Well,asyouknow,Ilovehovercrafts.我的计划是他还不知道这事Myplanis.Hedoesntknowthisyet.我知道你很震惊1knowyourestunned.有点这是给你的-Alittlebit.-Itsforyou.虽然听起来很奇怪但我并没有胡说八道And,asoddasthatsounded,Iwasntactuallytalkingnonsense.悬浮漫游车农耕好选择气垫船是农民
4、最好的伙伴Hovercraftaremakingabidtobethefarmer,sbestfriend.再也没有沉重的轮轴负担Theresnomoreofthatdeadweightontheaxles而且卡车也可以在最泥泞的路面上轻松移♥动♥andthetruckmoveswitheaseoverthemuddiestsurface.这意味着农民可以按其意愿完成工作Thatmeansthefarmercangethisworkdonewhenhewants,但若使用普通拖拉机这是不可能的whereaswithanordinarytractor,itwouldb
5、eimpossible.现在你陷入了绝望的境地车彻底卡住了Nowtheresahopelesspositionforyou.Wellandtrulystuck.息怒Temper,temper!你一定要买♥♥辆有橡胶护舷的悬浮卡车Youcanalwaysgetoneofthosehovertruckswithabitofskirt剧终我的计划很简单Myplanwassimple:如果我们用气垫船给农作物喷化肥ifweusedahovercrafttospraythecropswithfertiliser.士辛兀夷Perfect.那我们就不受普通喷雾器Thenwecou
6、lddoawaywiththetramlinesthatnormalsprayersneed,所需的轨道的限制了这样我们就可以把农作物种到车轨通常会经过的地方了soWecouldplantcropswherethosetramlinesnormallygo.我昨晚算过了Ididthecalculationlastnight.你知道这个农场里的车轨有多长吗？DoyouknowhowmanymilesOftramlinethereareonthisfarm?-多长？-87公里-Howmanymiles?-54.-什么？-87公里的车轨-What?-54milesoftramline.轨道有这么宽所
7、以加起来Andtheyreaboutthatwide.Sothataddsupto.我计算了损失农作物的费用Well,Ididthecostoflostcrop.It,s5,200ayear.一年5200英镑气垫船就能解决轨道的问题-Wow.-Now,withthis,notramlines.显然接着我不得不向卡莱布解释驾驶气垫船Obviously,IthenhadtoexplaintoKalebthatoperatingahovercraftisabitmoretricky比驾驶拖拉机要复杂一点thandrivingatractor.气垫船有两个发动机好的Soyouvegottwoengin
8、es.Yeah.这是升降发动机它会给橡胶护舷充气Thisisyourliftengine,thatfillstheskirtwithair.然后你一旦升起Then,onceyouvegotthelift,就启动右侧的发动机youstartyourright-handengine.这是你的油门Thisisyourthrottle.这不是刹车？-现在.Okay.Itsnotthebrake?不没有刹车No.Youhavenobrakes.好吗?你看这些是你的车把Right?Yousee,theseareyourhandlebars.-它们会让后面的襟翼转动起来好的-Youseetheyturnth
9、eflapsontheback.-Okay,yeah.Yeah.没有刹车根本没影响Theymakenodifference.好的一点影响都没有-Okay.-Absolutelynodifference.如果你看到障碍物然后这样你会撞上去Ifyouseeanobstacle,andyoudothat,youregoingtohitit.你必须倾斜身体所以基本上你要这么骑Youhavetolean.Sobasically,youreeitherlikethis.你得稍微倾斜向右一点就像这样Yousortoflean,getrightoverlikethat.-那样就能掌控方向？-这样就能让它右转A
10、ndthatsteersit?-Andthatwillmakeitgoright.然后像那样倾身这样Andthen,getoverlikethat,andthat.尽可能将重量移到尽可能远的地方.Getasmuchweightasyoucan,asfarover.-那样就能掌控方向了-.这样就能利用车把-Andthatllsteerit.-Andthatllsteeritalongwith.-那样-.控制方向了-That.-Thehandlebars.但实际上你没有刹车和方向盘Buteffectively,youvenobrakingandnosteering.在开始喷化肥前我能试试吗？Oka
11、y.CanIhaveagobeforeIstartspraying?当然我觉得这是个好主意Yes,Ithinkthatsaverygoodidea.由我告诉你怎么做感觉真棒Thisfeelssogood,tellingyouwhattodo.现在出发了Oh,nowitsgoing.Wow!倾斜身体1.ean!等等.我在倾斜着呢Hangon.mleaning!天啊！Oh,myGod!你应该直线行驶Comeon,man,youresupposedtogoinginastraightline.这样没川这像环形交叉路口一样弯弯绕绕的Thisisuseless!Thatsasstraightasarou
12、ndabout!我在.转弯！Allright,turn!倾身使劲1.eanandpower!我的小徒弟做得很好Myyoungapprenticeisdoingwell.我会了好Ivegotit.掉下来了他掉下来了Fallenout.Hesfallenout.Ah!我不太好Notgood.加油笨蛋Comeon,youclown.我得学会驾驶这玩意我要喷化肥Ineedtolearnthisshit,mgoingspraying.转弯Turn,turn,turn,turn,turn,turn,turn,turn.你看它在小麦上滑行Yousee,it,sjustglidingovertheweeds.
13、转弯现在转弯Turn,turn,turn.No.Turn.我们安装好喷雾器放好化肥Wegetthesprayfitted,fertiliserapplied.转弯Turn,turn,turn.我们需要教他如何停车Allweneedtodoisteachhimhowtostop.随着驾驶课程圆♥满♥结束Withthedrivinglessonsuccessfullyconcluded,是时候测试使用气垫船给农作物喷化肥的效果了itwastimetotestthehovercraftasacropsprayer.我跟你说你看起来好蠢Tellyouwhat,youlook
14、likeashitgimp.这是液体-Thisisliquid.-Fertiliser.是化肥液体硝酸极具腐蚀性1.iquidnitrate.-Yeah.-Itsphenomenallycorrosive.卡莱布灌满我定制的化肥罐后OnceKalebhadfinishedfillingmybespokefertilisertanks,美娜特级甜芒果酸辣酱我们已经准备好开工了wewerereadyfortheoff.准备好了吗？Youready?好了Yup.出发吧我的小徒弟Goahead,myyoungapprentice.Yee-haw!在喷Oh,itsspraying,itsspraying
15、.我开得越来越好了mgettinggoodatthis!Woohoo!嘿还不错现在再往左倾一点Hey,thisisntbad.Nowjustgoalittlebittotheleftofthat.好这就来Yeah.Onmyway.但然后就在75秒后.Butthen,afterexactly75seconds.卡莱布有化肥喷出来吗？Kaleb,isthereanyspraycomingout?没有No.真糟心Oh,forfuck,ssake.这就没了吗？Isthatit?你得加多少次化肥？Howmanytimesareyougoingtohavetorefillwithfertiliser?25
16、次Er-25times.不是吧Yourejoking.我得花八个小时才能给整块地喷完化肥Itsgoingtotakemeabout8hourstospraythisfield.这意味着这套衣服我得穿八个小时Thatmeansvegottospend8hoursinthisgimpsuit.我觉得还是用喷雾器吧求你了Ithinkwesticktothesprayer,please.你能帮我脱衣服吗？Canyoupleaseundressme?停Cut.显然我需要给气垫船准备更大的化肥罐Clearly,Ineededbiggerfertilisertanksonthehovercraft,这意味着
17、它需要更强劲的发动机whichmeantitwouldneedmorepowerfulengines以应对额外的重量todealwiththeextraweight.那是一项艰巨的工作现在可没时间处理Thatwasabigjob.Andtherewasnotimetodoit因为第二天冬天回来了becausethenextday-wintercameback.然后第二天晚上我们从猪窝里的摄像头看到Andthenthenextnight,ourfeedfromthecamerasinthepigloos其中一个猪妈妈快要生产了suggestedoneoftheMumswasabouttogive
18、birth.我们去看看它的情况1.etsseehowshesgettingon.看是一只真正的小猪崽1.ook,theresanactualpiglet.它的第一个猪宝宝Thatsherfirstbabyever.我觉得现在出了个问题Oh,Ithinkwe,vegotaproblemhere.丽莎担心小猪崽找不到奶头喝奶Concernedthatthepigletwasnotfindingateattodrinkfrom,于是她进去帮忙了1.isawentintohelp.天啊那儿有一个奶头Ohmygosh,theresateat,there.它在吃奶很好小家伙Oh,shesontheteat
19、.Goodlittleone.今天是3月10日不应该这么冷的It,sMarch10th,itshouldntbethiscold.气候在变化有人需要Theclimateischanging.Somebodyneedstomentionthat我需要提一下天气因为这真的很糟becauseitsreallybad.这是我迄今为止最棒的农场体验Thisisthebestbitoffarmingvehadsofar.会有多少只小猪崽？Howmanywillweget?这头有多少个奶头?十六个？Howmanyteatshasthisonegot,16?-对有十六个所以她可以生十六只-Yeah,yeah,
20、thats16.-Soshecouldhave16piglets.然而这份喜悦很快就变成了担忧Thisjoy,however,soonturnedintoconcern因为一个多小时过去了她没有再生出小猪崽becauseoveranhourwentbyandnomorepigletsappeared.加油啊猪妈妈Comeon.ComeonMum.一只可不够Onesnotenough.加油你可以的加油Comeon,youcandoitComeon.有人跟我说它们应该像机关枪一样迅速出生Iwastoldtheywerebornlikemachinegunbullets.像枪Youknowtheyg
21、oduh-duh-duh.加油猪妈妈ComeonMum.它在挣扎Shesproperlywobbling.我得说这头猪很痛苦Iwouldsaythatisapigindistress.-兽医没接电♥话♥-欢迎接通EE语♥音♥信箱.-Thevet,snotanswering.-WelcometotheEEvoicemail.卡莱布也没接电♥话♥该死AndneitherisKaleb.Shite!但最终一位兽医接电♥话♥了Eventuallythough,oneofthevetsansw
22、ered.-你好？你好Hello?我是迪丽斯库阿特农场的杰里米克拉克森Hi,there.It,sJeremyClarksonhereatDiddlySquatFarm.Hum.嘿怎么了？Hey,what,sgoingon?我们有一头母猪在1小时20分前生下了一只小猪崽Well,wevegotagiltwhosgivenbirthtoonepigletanhourand20minutesago现在看起来有些痛苦andseemstobeinsomedistress.自那以后就没动静了Andnothingelsehascomesince.两胎之间间隔了1小时20分钟这正常吗需要担心吗？Isthatn
23、ormal,anhourand20minutesbetweenbirths,orshouldwebeworried?是说1小时20分钟吗？Anhourand20,didyousay?-Yeah.是的通常会更快Itsusuallymuchfasterthanthat.它是在使劲生产还是只是看起来在四处踱步？Issheactivelypushingordoesshejustlooklikeshesmovingaround?它看起来不舒服吗？Doesshelookuncomfortable?我觉得它看起来不太舒服Shelooks,Iwouldsay,uncomfortable,但丽莎一直跟我说人生孩
24、子就是这样的but1.isakeepstellingmethat,showpeoplelook动物们生孩子就是这样的Well.Howcreatureslookwhentheyregivingbirth.它在颤抖哼着鼻子Imean,shesvibratingandsnortingand.我觉得它看起来很痛苦dsayitlookedlikeshe,sindistress但我是个男人我不知道自己在说什么butmaman,Ihavenoideawhatmtalkingaboutso.她想检查一下子♥宫♥看一看摸一摸andisveryhappytopopinthereandh
25、avealook.Afeel.对这可能是第一步也是最好的选择Yeah,thatmightbethefirstthebestthingtodo,因为摸一下更容易了解情况看看你能不能摸到什么becauseitseasierforyoutohaveafeelandseeifyoucanfeelanything.对了你那儿有润滑剂吗？Soyeah,haveyougotanylubeupthereaswell?丽莎会有一些润滑剂1.isawillhavesomelube.-别播那句话-好的Dontputthatontelevision.没事可以摸一下子♥宫♥里面看她能否摸到小
26、猪崽Thatsfine.ifyougotofeelinthereandseeifshecanfeelapiglet,摸到它们的前腿或后腿ifshecanfeelfrontlegsorbacklegs看它们是否处于正常的位置andtheyfeelliketheyrecominginthenormalposition.她可以稍微拉一下Shecangivethemabitofatug?好的谢谢你珍妮保重再见Okay.Thanks,Jenny.Takecare,bye.Bye.这些我都有但我也有.Ihavethose,butIalsohave.好的我们快点进去吧Okay.Well,letsgetint
27、herequicklybecauseitsnearlytwohoursnow.-因为现在已经快两个小时了好的-根据珍妮说的-对AccordingtoJenny,youputyourhandin你把手放进去好.看能否摸到腿或头andifyoucanfeellegsorhead,youvegottotryandteaseitout.试着稍微拽一下如果是侧面就得给她打电♥话♥Ifitssideways,wevegottogiveheracall.好姑娘Goodgirl,goodgirl,goodgirl.对不起Oh,msosorry.它停下来了真停下来了Shesstopp
28、ed.She,sreallystopped.好的进去了Okay,min.min,min.-然后呢？-我摸进去了And?-min.-天啊好深啊-你能摸到小猪崽吗？-Oh,myGothat,ssofarup.-Canyoufeelapiglet?不行.我什么都没摸到mnot.No.Ireallycantfeelanything.它们在里面很深的地方Theyresofarin.-我再给珍妮打个电♥话♥-请给珍妮打电♥话♥我.-mgoingtoringJennyagain.-Please,ringJenny.1-好的不干得好Okay,no,no.
29、Welldone.我们可以给它注射催产索这有时有用Wecaneithergiveheraninjectionofoxytocinwhichsometimeshelps或者与此同时我们可以让它站起来四处走走orinthemeantimewecangetherupandwalkheraround.什么?i上它站起来走走What?Getheroutandwalkher?如果你试着让它站起来稍微走动一下Ifyoutryandgetherandmoveheraroundalittlebit有时能刺♥激♥它生产-sometimesitstimulateseverything.-
30、Okay.好的可真行Oh,nice.太冷了Itssocold.来吧猪猪Comeon,pig.它绝对哪儿都不会去的它在生产Shesnotgoingtoinamillionyears.Shesinlabour.兽医只是说让它走走吗？Didthevetsay:justwalkheraround?当你分娩时如果有人拿麦当劳进来Whenyouwereinlabour,ifsomeonehadcomeinwithaMaccyD,你不会说好我去吃麦当劳”youwouldnthavesaid：Oh,llfollowthat.Youwouldnt.-你不会它来了-不但它-No,althoughshesapig.
31、-Oh,shescoming!我简直不敢相信Icantbelieveit!它实际上正在产崽但它为了麦当劳出来了Shesactuallyinlabourandshe,scomeoutforaMaccyD.Hum.我在建立情感纽带我在和小猪建立情感纽带mbonding.mbondingwithmypiglet.不行别让它进来No,dontletherin.别!它踩到我了！No!Shestreadingonme.不!他妈的!怎么回事？No!Fuckinghell,whatsgoingon?我没法应付这头猪打了我天啊Icantfind.Thepighasbeatenme.Jesus.我在跟一头猪摔跤v
32、ebeeninawrestlingmatchwithapig.-你进去吧-丽莎-Inyougo.-1.isa?我们得带它出来散步Wevegottogetheroutforawalk.兽医是这么说的Thatswhatthevetsaid.丽莎-1.isa.-She,shavinghugecontractions.它的宫缩很剧烈它已经散过步了我不觉得Shesbeenforawalkandsheshaving.它没出来散步它一直.Shehasntbeenforawalk!如果我像它那样你不会称之为散步IfIdidthat,youwouldntcallthatawalk.要生出来了我们有小猪崽了好耶I
33、tscoming.Itscoming,itscoming.Wehaveapiglet.Yes!在冒热气It,ssteaming,it,ssteaming!Shessteaming,theressteam.它的屁♥股♥在冒热气有热气是一只大猪崽Itsabigpiglet.好了过来Thereyougo,comehere.过来滑溜溜的小姑娘Comehereslitherygirl.那是第二只Thatstwo.它放屁了又有一只小猪崽出生了Theresafart.Thatsanotherpigletcoming.太棒了看啊小猪三号♥Yes,look.Pigthr
34、ee.丽莎它是连着的它跟猪妈妈是连着的1.iSa,hesattached-shesattachedtohermother.WhatdoIdo?-我该怎么办？什么？What,what,what?它跟猪妈妈之间有根线连着-Shesattachedwithastringything.-No,thatsfine,没事那是脐带是它的一部分是生产过程中的一环itstheumbilicalcord.It,spartofit.Itspartoftheprocess.-继续舔吧一天啊太可爱r-Goon,lickit.-Oh,myGod,itssocute.三只小猪Threepigs!好妈妈Goodmother.
35、在接下来的几个小时里又出生了七只Overthenextcoupleofhours,sevenmorewereborn.短暂小憩之后Andafteraquicknap,我们回来查看情况wecamebacktoseehoweverythingwasgoing.早上好猪猪们Morning,piggies.干得好猪妈妈Welldone,Mum.十只小猪怎么了？杰里米？Tenpiggies.不是吧Ohno.-不-它们还好吗?亲爱的还好吗？Aretheyokay?Darling,aretheyokay?Ohno,itsabighealthyonetoo.Didyouget.不是吧这只也又大又健康你.你被压
36、到了吗？Didyougetlaidon?不好了Ohno.丽莎1.isa?它刚刚又坐到了另一只身上Whoa!She,sjustsatonanotherone.它们很完美Theyreperfect.Youreabiglovelyone.你是那只又大又可爱的你是那只可爱的小母猪Andyoureasweetlittlesow.所以我们有二、三、四、五只Sowe,vegottwo,three,four,five.等等七只有被压在它身下的吗？Waitaminute,seven.She,slyingonone.-只有七只它-好的那Theresonlyseven.该死另一只去哪儿了？Shit!Shit,shi
37、t,shit.Where,stheotheronegone?-Behindyou.好的我.我觉得它又压到了一只小猪Ithinksheslyingononeofthemagain.-好吧-没错在那里它身下有一只-Okay,yeah.-Yes,thereisonebehindher.真是服了它又压到它们了Oh,forfuckssake.She,ssquasheditagain.-你是个坏妈妈-这里-Youareashitmother.-No,shesnot.-不它不坏-它就是很坏它压到孩子了Sheis.Shewaslyingononeofthem.-那两只就是这么死的-但它极其不安Thatshow
38、2ofthemhaveobviouslydied.就是这样-Butshesshattered.-1.ook,thereitis.三、四、五、六、七、八对r它们全都Three,four,five,six,seven,eight.Right,theyreall.现在好多了我知道Thatsbetter,now.但你不能坐到孩子们身上Youmustntsitonyourchildren.你有没有意识到我们已经连续一周每晚如此了？Youdorealisewevegotthiseverynightnowforaweek.谁让我们跑来搞农场呢？Wekindofmessedup,didntwe?-是啊-就是-
39、Wedid.-Yeah.当然那晚Sureenough,thatnight.另一头母猪开始生产Anothersowstartedgivingbirth.但这次一窝只有三只Butthistimetoalitterofonlythree.猪妈妈你还好吗？Howareyoudoing,Mum?所以我们现在Sonow.第一头生了十只Thefirstonegavebirthtoten,坐死了两只所以还剩八只satontwoofthem,soweredowntoeight.九只、十只、H-一只Nine,ten,eleven.今早这里又生了一只Andonehasbeenborndownhere,thismor
40、ning.那就是十二只Thats12.它好大Sheissoenormous.看看你好样的Oh,lookatyou!Yes.所以我们的笨猪猪坐死了它的两只猪宝宝Sowe,vegotClumsyPig,thatsatontwoofherpigletsandkilledthem.瑞士猪本来应该要生十只或十二只或者十六只小猪崽SwizPig,thatpromisedtodeliver10or12or16piglets结果只生了三只现在我们的猪小队anddeliveredonlythree.AndnowwevegotUnitPig!那那是怎么回事？TherewasHowdidthathappen?我刚跟
41、摄影师聊了两秒钟Iwasliterallytalkingtothecameramanfortwoseconds,然后回头一看又一只小猪出生了velookedbackinthereandtheresanotheronecomeout.这是头好猪它生得很好Thisisagoodpig,shesbirthingwell.丽莎及时赶到看到了猪小队生出三号♥宝宝1.isaarrivedjustintimetoseeUnitpopnumberthreeout.又生了一只Theresanotherone!Ohl出来吧加油Comeonout.Comeon,comeon.到上午结束时小队生了十只小
42、猪崽Bytheendofthemorning,Unithadproducedtenpiglets.因为它以前生过崽AndbecauseshewasanexperiencedMumwhodhadlittersbefore,它似乎知道自己在做什么sheseemedtoknowwhatshewasdoing.干得好猪妈妈Welldone,Mum!然而当我们稍后查看情况时However,whenwecheckedinlateron.我们有一、二、三、四五、六、七、八、九只Wevegotone,two,three,four,five,six,seven,eight,nine.Oh.他妈的Fuckit.不
43、是吧Ohno.Oh.我受不了了Icantbearit.Anotherone.又一只-显然它把小猪压死了对吧？-是的-Shesobviouslysquidgedit.-Yeah.然后我们去查看其他猪妈妈的情况WethenwenttocheckontheotherMums.-然后这是剩下的八只.对-Andthenthisiseightleft.-Yeah.因为死了两只Becausetwodied.这只有七只我知道Theresonlyseven.Shecanthavekilledanotherone.它不会又压死了一只吧Ohno.不是吧！真是够rOh,forfuck,ssake!天啊太让人沮丧了Oh
44、myGod,thatssoupsetting.总之我们现在失去了四只小猪崽Bottomline,wednowlostfourpiglets加上两个月前aswellasthreeofthefivesurprisesthathadcomealong意外收获的五只中的三只justovertwomonthsearlier.它们很可爱Oh,theyreadorable.-七只小猪崽死了本来总共有-Sevenpigletshavedied.-Outof?二十八只其中四分之一都死了Twenty-eight.Aquarterofthemhavedied.我们做错五十么？Whatarewedoingwrong?我们担心自己在犯一些可怕的错误Worriedthatwewereindeedmakingsometerriblemistake.嘿你好吗？-嗨-Hi.-Howareyou?瓦内萨我很好Vanessa.我们咨♥询♥了邻居瓦内萨和安迪Weconsultedourneighbours,VanessaandAndy,他们养了很多年的猪who,dbeenpigfarmersforyears.七只猪崽25%的
