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1、前情提要Previouslyon.布里的丈夫有了挫败感Breeshusbandfeltrejected.看到自己的太太以范德坎普夫人”的称号♥公著于世1thinkitsstrangetoseemywifebilled我觉得很不舒服我是以此而出名的asMrs.VanDeKamp.Itshowmknown.谈谈范德坎普先生吧IsthereaMr.VanDeKamp?很抱歉范德坎普先生已经过世了No,uh,Mr.VanDeKampisdeceased.要你提一下我就这么难吗Wouldithavekilledyoutohavementionedme?因为我进过监狱是吗Itsbecause
2、Iwenttojail,isn,tit?勒奈特的丈夫非常兴奋1.ynetteshusbandwasexcited.我们要成立一个车♥库♥乐队啦Weregonnastartagarageband!你不是曾说过Ithoughtyouweretheonewhosaidyouwanted要把更多的时间放在家庭吗男人们需要释放一下激♥情♥tospendmoretimewithyourfamily.Guysneedtoblowoffsteam.伊迪的新丈夫有一段往事你来这里已经6周了Edie,snewhusbandhadapast.Youvebeen
3、heresixweeks,我没发现你的易怒情绪有所缓解我的情绪问题早已解决andyoudon,tseemanyclosertocoiningtotermswithyourrage.vecometotermswithit,现在感觉很良好往事充满着悬疑andIlikeitjustthewayitis.Whichremainedamystery.我觉得跟一个你完全不了解的男人结婚Ijustthinkitsoddthatyouremarriedtosomeguy.是件很奇怪的事情她不停地询问我关于你的背景Youdontknowanythingabouthim.Well,shekeptaskingmea
4、llthisstuffaboutyourbackground.苏珊开始新的生活AndSusantriedtomoveon.我开始与人约会了不错啊Well,Isortofstartedseeingsomeone.Goodforyou.爱伦诺拉.巴特老师每年Everyyear,Ms.Elenorabutters都会要求幼儿园的孩子们wouldaskherkindergartenclass画一张全家福todrawapictureoftheirfamilies然后在家长会上把画展示出来whichshewouldthendisplayonmeettheteachernight.因此瑞奇曼的父母在画作上T
5、hatshowTyRichmondsparents看到他们吵架的情景sawhisdepictionoftheirfighting.而爱米海因斯的父母AndAmyhines,parents则看到了他们酗酒的样貌sawherportrayaloftheirdrinking.杰森.蒙特的父母AndJasonmontesparents见到了家里脏乱的情形sawhisillustrationoftheirhygiene.很显然巴特老师认为通过孩子的视角Yousee,Ms.Buttersfeltitwasimportant让家长了解其自己是相当重要的forparentstoseethemselvesthr
6、oughtheirchildrenseyes.她见怪不怪了Sheknewtheexperience.艾德画里我只戴着胸罩在吸尘Ed,hesgotmevacuuminginmybra.我有这么做过吗DoIdothat?这相当有教育意义Couldbeveryeducational.我知道对不起Iknow,Iknow.我难道没说是7点吗你错过了精彩的表演DidInotsay7:00?Youmissedtheirlittleshow.M.j.很不高兴镇上大塞车M.j.Wastoothdecay.Well,crosstowntraffickilledme.我告诉你把它录卜.来AndItoldyoutov
7、ideotapeit.但你没告诉我要把镜头盖取下Well,didyoutellmetotakeoffthelenscap?拜托下次教详细点德尔非诺先生很高兴你来了Nexttime,bemorespecific.Mr.Delfino,gladyoumadeit.你看了m.j.的画作了吗Uh,didyougettoseeM.J.,Sartwork?还没呢都等不及了No,notyet.Cantwait.Oh.哦你看啊这里这就是我们Oh,hey,lookatthat.站在我们家门前Thereweare,standinginfrontofthehouse.他把我头发画成什么了1.ookwhathedid
8、withmyhair.有所改变也不错你瞧我口袋里还有一个扳手Ikindoflikethebangs.Yeah,look,heputawrenchinmypocket.看看我肌肉多丰满对啊因为有个小偷正想闯入Andseehowbigmymusclesare?Whichisagoodthing,causetheresasharkattackingthehouse.爸爸Hey,daddy.儿子我和你妈妈Hey,buddy.YourmommyandI正在欣赏你优秀的作品werejustlookingatyourwonderfulpainting.你喜欢吗Youlikeit?很喜欢尤其把我画得这么壮实I
9、loveit,especiallyhowbigandstrongyoumademelook.那不是你那是杰克逊Thatsnotyou.ThatsJackson.看到口袋里的油漆刷了吗Seethepaintbrushinhispocket?谁是杰克逊Oh,whosJackson?在我妈妈把他灌醉Hepaintsourhouse.并和他上.♥床♥之前他是我们家的油漆工Untilmymommakeshimdrinkwineandhaveasleepover.因为Uh.Uh.Because.我和麦克离婚了因此MikeandIaredivorced,sothat,swhy.按
10、理这应该是一张全家福的Itwassupposedtobeapictureofthefamily,你应当把你♥爸♥爸画进去soyoushould,veputyourdaddyinit.我画了Idid.哦是那个戴着帽子的小人吗Oh,the.Thebugwiththelittlehat?那就是你Thatsyou,因为你总是不在家causeyourealwayssofaraway.是的看来Oh,yeah,thats,um.我终于找到我了NowIseeme.是的.每一年Yes.everyyear,爱伦诺拉.巴特老师每年仍要求学生们Ms.Elenorabutterswoulda
11、skherclass画一张全家福todrawapictureoftheirfamilies,她知道肖像中的人物eventhoughsheknewtheportraits.是现实生活的真实写照Mightnotbethatflattering.如果你仔细观察一下你朋友的面容Ifyoulookcloselyintothefacesofyourfriends,你会看到youllseeit.嗨嗨Hey!Hi!恭喜你啊大家好Congratulations!Hi!进来吧Comeonin!在她们的笑容背后Rightbehindtheirsmiles,隐藏着充满嫉妒的神情youwillseeacertaingr
12、een-eyedmonster,然后你会明白andthenyoullunderstand对于你的持家有道她们有多么忌妒howenvioustheyareofyourwell-kepthome.你那美味的菜式Yourdeliciousrecipes.和令人垂涎的财富Andyourtastefulpossessions.这是我的烹饪书Here,smycookbook.但你必须仔细观察才能察觉嫉妒Butyoullhavetoworkhardtoseethejealousy,因为好朋友总是努力把嫉妒心隐藏起来becausegoodfriendsalwaysworkhardtohideit.你看呀简直就
13、是封♥面♥女♥郎♥1.ookatyou,rightonthecover!这几本是精♥装♥版Theseareadvancedcopies.我要让你们成为第一批读者Iwantedyoutobethefirsttohavethem.哦看哪你还签上了”致勒奈特Oh,andlook,yousignedit.to1.ynette,我最可爱最亲密的伙伴”thesweetest,mostwonderfulfriendveeverknown.”致苏珊我最可爱最.”Aw.ToSusan,thesweetest,most.我们不用念
14、得这么响Wedonthavetoreadthemoutloud.别介意女士们Dontmindme,ladies.我要去岩盐坑上班了来个告别之吻祝你工作愉快mjustgrabbingakissonmywaytothesaltmines.Mmm.Oh.Mmm.Youhaveagoodday.谢谢宝贝你把广♥告♥给她们看了吗我差点忘了Thanks,babe.Oh,didyoushowthemthead?Yeah.Oh,Ialmostforgot.Uh,bye.是不是很棒Isntthisnice?他们要在下月的刊登Theyrerunningitnextmonthinwoma
15、n,sday.你会出现在杂&hearts洁♥上吗Youregonnabeinmagazines,too?他们已经拿出了整套市场开拓计划Theyvecomeupwiththiswholemarketingplan.广播出版签名售书Radio,prinbooksignings.那真是太美妙了不这一点都不好玩Wow!Isntitfantastic?No,itshorrible!她将成为著名的作家Shesgonnabecomethisfamousauthor没空陪我们了andhavenotimeatallforus.不会的加布布里永远是布里No,comeon,Gaby.Youknowth
16、atBreewillneverchange.谢谢凯瑟琳Thankyou,Katherine.我绝对不会高傲自满的Iwillneverbecomestuck-upandfullofmyself.我没那么说我是指你不会改变的Ididntsaythat.Isaidyoudneverchange.真有意思Veryfunny.我觉得你们不用担心我出名的事情1hardlythinkyouhavetoworryaboutmebecomingfamous.你都有市场计划了Youhaveamarketingplan.想要看看我的卖♥&hearts场计划吗Youwannaseemymarketing
17、plan?”牛奶面包伏特加避孕套”Milk,bread,vodka,condoms.我能看看吗很想看一下为什么CouldIseethat?dlovetoreadit.Why?我当年做意大利干酪的销♥售♥Well,backbeforeIconsecratedmylifetomozzarella,也有整套的市场推广计划marketingwassortofwhatIdid.哦当然Oh,right!Ofcourse.我很乐意听取你的意见Iwould,uh,lovetohearyourthoughts.那么即使你名声远扬Soyourestillgonna依然还会和我们一起聚会
18、的吧wannahangoutwithus,evenwhenyouretotallyfabulous,我们还是自己人吧andwe,restillnobodies?女生们你们说过头rGirls,youaremakingwaytoomuchofthis.我不见得比你们厉害多少Iamnotabitmorefabulousthananyoneofyou.稍等Excuseme.怎么了安德鲁Whatisit,Andrew?我希望你12号♥午餐时间暂无安排Ihopeyourefreeforlunchonthe12th,因为商委会刚提名你causethechamberofcommerce为今年的“
19、年度商业女性”justnamedyoubusinesswomanoftheyear.哦我的天哪真是太棒了Oh,mygod!Thatissoamazing!干洗店终于找到我的毛衣了The,uh,drycleanerjust,um.Foundmysweater.姑娘们，晚点再找你们Girls,catchupwithyoulater!喂Hi.我有个惊人的消息Orson,Ihaveamazingnews.商委会刚刚打电♥话♥来了哦说什么了Thechamberofcommercejustcalled.Oh?Whatabout?我和你一起吃午饭我们面谈Iwannabuyyoul
20、unchandtellyouinperson.我2分钟内就到你办公室Iwillbeatyourofficeintwominutes.别别别来我办公室Uh,no!No,dontcometomyoffice.我现在不能吃午饭我在开会Youknow,Icanthavelunchnow.Um,Iminameeting.那我到前台等你好了Well,llwaitinreceptionuntilitsover.不可能要好几个小时No,itlltakehours.是个紧急会议事关重要Itsaveryurgent,high-levelstuff.到底是什么会啊Whatkindofmeetingisit?乔治搞什
21、么啊George,hey!把收音机调小一点Turnthatradiodown!你在哪啊不是告诉你了我在开会Whereareyou?Itoldyou,minameeting.我要挂了Igottago.我尽快来见你llseeyousoon.是的的确很快Yes,youwill.麦克怎么了Mike!Whatsgoingon?爸爸给我买♥&heartsj了辆自行车Daddygotmeabike.是的我看到了就在这里Yes,Isee.Andhere,我们不是说好了到过生日才买♥♥吗mommythoughtwedagreedtowaittillyourbirthda
22、y.你能教我怎样骑吗Crazymommy.Canyouteachmetorideit?今天不行我要去修理热水器No,nottoday.Igottagoinstallawaterheater.不过你可以先练练But,uh,youkeeppracticing,明天下午我有空andthenextafternoonIhavefree,我们一起学骑车轮子飞转尘土飘扬如何好吧we,llbustoffthosetrainingwheelsandgokickupsomedirt.Okay?Okay.去吧Allright哦我的天哪Oh,mygod.这都是因为m.j.的画是不是ThisisaboutM.J.Sdr
23、awing,isntit?什么What?比起杰克逊他肯定更爱你HedoesnotloveJacksonmorethanyou.他知道谁才是他父亲这我知道Heknowswhohisfatheris.Iknowthat.难道给自己孩子买♥♥辆小车就代表心存嫉妒吗Cantaguygethiskidabikewithoutbeingpsychoanalyzed?那对于那幅画你没事了吧Soyouretotallyfinewiththatdrawing?虽然我不会高调地把它贴到冰箱上去Well,Iwontgostickingitonmyfridgeanytimesoon,但我没
24、事butyeah.我很高兴你能和一个好男人约会1.ook,Imgladyouredatinganiceguy.孩子与他彼此能合得来这点我也很高兴mgladhelikesmykid,andmykidlikeshim.这只是一辆自行车而已别无他意Here,sabike.Thafsallitis.你们好啊Hey,guys.杰克逊看看我的新车Jackson,lookatmynewbike!真酷啊Prettycool.这是由钛合金定做的Uh,thatsacustomtitaniumframe.让m.j.了解一下MakesureM.J.Knowsthat.温迪，我得知道天气情况So,Wendy,1gott
25、aknowabouttheweather.妈妈贝瑟妮可以回家了吗Mommy,canBethanygohomenow?宝贝她才来玩了20分钟而已Honey,shesonlybeenhere20minutes.我们本来就是邀请她来玩的好好玩去Weinvitedherovertoplay,sogoplay.但她只会玩转圈Butallshedoesisspin.在这个州范围内.Somewhatacrossthereachofthestate,温度会降下来几度knockingtemperaturesdownIwouldsayafewdegrees.宝贝我们要让贝瑟妮成为我们的朋友Honey,wewant
26、Bethanytobeourfriend,要是她喜欢转圈那就跟她学学一起转soifshewantstospin,justsuckitupandspin.你干嘛非要让胡安妮塔跟这个小怪人一起玩WhyareyoushovingthatlittleweirdodownJuanitasthroat?这个小怪人是能否让你我做♥爱♥的关键所在ThatlittleweirdoisthekeytoyouandIhavingmoresex.这点我喜欢但到底是为什么IknowIshouldaskafewquestions,butmin.贝瑟妮的妈妈每周都会举♥行&hear
27、ts;小朋友乘会Bethanysmomhostsaweeklyplaydate.我要试着让胡安妮塔也获得邀请mtryingtogetJuanitaaninvitation.这和我跟你做♥爱&hearts汉有什么关系Howdoesthatleadtoqualitytimewithyourboobs?卡洛斯我和你只有晚间有时间Carlos,theonlytimeyouandIhavetoourselves但那时候你我都精疲力竭了isIateatnight,butbythattime,weretooexhausted.现在每天下午都有未上学的西利娅要照顾Andnowthatwehave
28、Celiainafternoonpreschool,所以我们必须这样做才能摆脱胡安妮塔allwehavetodoisunloadJuanita,这样才能回来好好做♥爱♥andthenwecangetbacktodoingthenasty.这样会不会不太好Thisdoesntseemright.把我们自己的孩子扔给别的女人Imean,dumpingourkidoffonsomeunsuspectingwoman这样我们才能做♥爱♥sothatwecanhavesex?你醒醒吧妈妈们发明儿童聚会Wakeup!Playdateswereinve
29、ntedbymothers目的就是为了这个forthisexactpurpose.购物做♥爱♥在下午喝酒Shopping,sex,drinkingintheafternoon.只有儿童聚会才能实现这些Playdatesmakeallthesethingspossible.我不知道I-Idontknow.强迫我们孩子跟她不喜欢的人一起玩Ifeelbadmakingmykidplaywithsomeone让我觉得很糟糕thatsheobviouslydoesntlike.贝瑟妮的妈妈可以每周把胡安妮塔带走2个小时BethanysmomwilltakeJuanitaonc
30、eaweekfortwowholehours.正好可以做♥爱♥加小睡Thatissexandanap.胡安妮塔Juanita!我听不到你转圈的声音1donthearyouspinning!我不明白你说过你的工作一帆风顺Idontunderstand.Yousaidthejobwasgoingsowell.本来是很顺利三周前Itwas.Thenthreeweeksago,我的假释官在我工作时留了个口信myparoleofficerleftmeamessageatwork.就在那时他们发现我申请工作时撒谎ThatswhentheyfoundoutIliedonmyapp
31、lication我申请时说我没有案底whenIsaidIdidnthaveacriminalrecord.所以你这三周都在假装工作Soyouvebeenpretendingtogotoworkforthreeweeks?我知道你怒火中烧Iknowyoureangry.亲爱的我没有动怒Honey.mnotangry.你不想把这些告诉我我很难受mhurtthatyoudidntfeellikeyoucouldtellme.我感觉很困窘Iwasembarrassed.布里我们结婚时是我养家糊口Bree,whenwemarried,1wasthebreadwinner.现在你开了自己的公&hearts
32、;司♥也出了书Nowyou.youhaveyourcompanyandyouhaveyourbook.我是个连饭碗也保不住的重罪犯I-mafelonwhocantholdontoajob.奥森我们是伙伴我们共有一切Orson,werepartners.Weshareeverything.我所取得的任何成就AnysuccessIhave和你的分量相同isjustasmuchyoursasitismine.谢谢你亲爰的Thankyou,darling.那么So.商会打电♥话♥来干什么Whydidthechamberofcommercecall?很明显我们被
33、提名为今年的商界女强人Apparently,we,vebeennamedbusinesswomanoftheyear.是不是很棒Isthatgoodenough?!你会成为我们乐队的杀手铜Yah!Whoo!Wow!Youdbekillerinourband.他肯定会成为杀手铜不是吗大卫Imean,wouldnthebekiller,Dave?唐纳德何不让我们商量一下呢Uh,Donald,whydontyouletustalkitover,我们回头会找你没问题andwe,llgetbacktoyou?Noproblem.反正我要去上班Ihavetogetbacktotheofficeanyway
34、.每季度一到交税我就忙得不可开交我们今天肯定会给你打电♥话♥Quarterlytaxtimehasgotmeswamped.Well,well.we,lldefinitelycallyoutoday.谢谢先生们Thanks,gentlemen.你不觉得他棒极了吗Dontyouthinkhecrushedit?技术上讲他表现得不错Hewasgood.Youknow,technically.他没有用心投入什么意思Hedidntreallyhaveheart.Whatdoyoumean?他演奏巫毒小子时就像是亨德里克斯附身Whenheplayedvoodoochild,i
35、twaslikeHendrixhasrisen.迈克怎么样他才是我们要找的人Hey,whataboutMike?Ithoughtthatswhoweweregonnaget.我问过他但他说他最近很忙Well,Iasked,buthesaidhe,stoobusy.忙得不会生活r吗这可不是借口Toobusytolivealittle?Notgonnafly.打电♥话♥给他把我号♥码给他我来说好吧当然Callhim.Givehimmynumber.lltalktohim.Okay,sure.But.可唐纳德怎么样butwhataboutDonald?我是说
36、要是迈克来不了我想确保1mean,causeifwedontgetMike,1wannamakes.汤姆唐纳德出局了好吗Tom,Donaldsout,allright?让麦克给我打电♥话♥HaveMikecallme.好一场排练啊Whoo!Whatarehearsal.大卫和我都冒烟了DaveandIweresmokin.你听到我们的声音了吗Didyouhearus?勒奈特1.ynette?勒奈特1.ynette.很抱歉你说什么msorry.What?没事了Nevermind.你在干嘛这是布里的广♥告♥吗Whatareyouworking
37、on?What,isthisBreesadstuff?不帮她办事的人实在太逊了Oh,god,no.Heragencyreallywhiffed.Hmm?所以我在策划一个新的推广计划Somcomingupwithawholenewcampaign.我在杳一些我以前的资料Iwaslookingthroughmyoldportfolio找点灵感forinspiration.Mm-hmm.我记得这个Oh!Irememberthisone.脚见见你最好的新朋友吧真是经典啊Feet?Meetyournewbestfriends.Itwasaclassic.我已经好几年没有翻阅这些东西了Youknow,it
38、sbeenyearssinceIlookedthroughthisstuff.我都忘了我曾如此辉煌dforgottenIwas.Kindagreat你当时棒极了Youwereawesome!拜托布里多幸运啊1mean,comeon.HowluckyisBree能有个前广♥告♥巨头当邻居tohaveaneighborthatusedtobeabigadvertisinghotshot?或许我才是那个幸运儿Well,maybemtheluckyone.可能这是个绝好的机会Thiscouldbeaperfectwayforme让我能重操旧业tostickmytoeback
39、inthebusiness.没什么大不了可能只从事些自♥由♥职业的工作Nothingbig,maybejustpickupsomefreelancework.亲爰的你要这样哪有时间But,honey,ifyoudothat,whereyougonnafindthetime照顾家庭和餐馆呢天我不知道forthefamilyandtherestaurant?Well,gee,Idontknow.你不也有时间组建车♥库♥乐队吗Iguessthesameplacethatyoufindtimeforyourgarageband.勒奈特我只是说你要
40、是1.ynette,mjustsayingthatif.ifyou.好啦我把西利娅送去幼儿园了Okay,IdroppedoffCeliaatpreschool,胡安妮塔在她玩伴家里andJuanitasatherplaydate.脱裤子Droptrou.你何不♥穿♥上那条性感的红色连衣裤呢WhydontyouputonthatsexyredTeddy?我能问为什么吗你根本看不见CanIaskwhy?1mean,youcantseeit.是啊可我感觉得到Yeah,butIcanfeelit,我喜欢丝绸从你身上滑落下来的感觉andIlovethesensationofs
41、lidingsilkoffyourbody.感觉怎么样卡洛斯Oh.Whatsitlike,Carlos?什么What?作为一个盲人的性♥爱♥Sexasablindman.我是说你以前能看得见Imean,youusedtobesovisual.感觉还像以前那么好吗Isitstillasgood?更胜一筹Oh,itsbetter.我是说不得不依靠1mean,havingtorelyon你的触觉味觉和嗅觉yoursensesoftouchandtasteandsmell.实际上更激♥情♥四射Itsactuallywaymoreintense.真
42、的吗你真幸运Really?You,resolucky.什么你想体会盲人性♥爱♥吗What,youwantblindsex?我可以给你安排啊IthinkIcanarrangethat你在啊Heythere.看起来某人的面试很成功啊1.ookslikesomebodysjobinterviewwentwell.错啦他们直截了当拒绝了我Nope.Theyturnedmedownflat.但我开车回家时突然灵机一动Aw.ButasIwasdrivinghome,itsuddenlyhitme.可能这镇上的每家公♥司♥都不欢迎我Imaybepers
43、onanongrataateverycompanyinthistown,但至少有一个雇主buttheresatleastoneemployer1know愿意雇用我whowouldlovetohireme.谁啊Oh.Who?你You.你想在这里工作吗Youwannaworkhere?为什么不Whynot?我对食物很在行了解商业运作方式mgreatwithfood.Iunderstandbusiness.而且也不计较酬劳Icantbeatthecommute.这个想法看似很有意思Well,thatscertainlyanintriguingnotion.但我做你的上司不是很尴尬吗Butwouldn
44、titbeawkwardhavingmeasyourboss?当然Absolutely.但你在公园也说了Butasyousaidinthepark,我们共享一切weshareeverything.所以我不仅仅是个搭档SoIwouldbemoreofa.partner.搭档Partners?Oh.布里你过来帮忙一下好吗Well.Bree,wouldyougivemeahandwiththisarrangement?等我一会儿Justgivemeasec.百合花需要用自己的花瓶装Ithinktheliliesneedtheirownvase.如果你雇他我会把你剪成破布的Ifyouhirehim,I
45、willcutyouwiththesescissors!我们不需要这么做Idontthinkweneedtodothat他们要把莺尾花挤出去Ithinktheyrecrowdingtheirisesout.就像他在把我排挤出去一样Justlikehestryingtocrowdmeout.你已经有个搭档了记得吗Youalreadyhaveapartner,remember?莺尾花和百合花Oh,well,Ithinktheirisesandthelilies可以一起工作不必须放弃一个couldworktogether.Nope.Oneofthemhastogo.如果我能给点意:见现在不是时候奥森IfImayofferanopinion.Notagoodtime,Orson.马上告诉他Te
