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1、LETSGO1985年小约翰本内特narrator:In1985,littleJohnBennett向流星许愿wishedonashootingstar希望自己的泰迪熊能活过来thathisteddybearwouldcometolife.神奇的是他的愿望成真了Magically,ithappened.泰迪随即走红全球成了现象级明星Tedwasaninstant,worldwidephenomenon.但如今时间来到了1993年Butnow,its1993.和所有爆火的事物一样Andlikeeveryphenomenon,最终都会过气eventually,nobodygivesashit.我的
2、言语懈怠*MywordsarelazyJ我的思绪朦胧JMythoughtsarehazyJ但有一件事我确定ButthisisonethingmsureofJ所有人都需要一个好朋友JEverybodyneedsabestfriend很开心我是你的好朋友mhappymyours草,不动了,我来弄弄看Fuck,itsnotworking.Here,letmetrysomething,你得吹吹Yougottoblowonit.我正要吹Thatswhatmdoing.不不你得用力吹No,no,yougottolikereallyblowonit.拿来Here.哟以后被你这么吹的男人不得舒服死Wow,yo
3、uaregoingtomakesomeguyveryhappyoneday滚边去Fuckoff.再来一次要有眼神交流Tryitagainwitheyecontact.滚蛋吧Fuckyou,man.看看好了没Seeifitworks.SONY好了蘑菇王国Allright,MushroomKingdom.看到我的车钥匙了吗Anybodyseenmycarkeys?刚才在地上呢Yeah,theywereonthefloor老爸踩到了还生气了Dadsteppedonthemandgotmad.他把我的钥匙怎么了What,dhedowith,em?应该是扔了吧Thinkhethrewem.我去Shit.
4、马里奥和路易吉本来就是小铿子吗Hey,areMarioandLuigisupposedtobemidgets?什么意思Whatdoyoumean?他们也太矮了Theyrewickedshort.他们的角色设计的就是1.ike,isitpartoftheircharacter小矮子吗还是thattheyremidgets,oris老天爷你是认真的吗JesusChristSeriously?怎么了What?矮个子1.ittlepeople.对啊我问的就是这个Yeah,thatswhymasking他们本来就是小铿子吗Aretheysupposedtobemidgets?你不能说小铿子你得说矮个子Y
5、oudon,tsaymidget.Yousaylittlepeople.一小铿子很冒犯的一为什么Midgetisrude.-Whyisitrude?因为就是很冒犯啊这就是个烂词Becauseitjustis.Itsafucked-upword如果你身高不高有人叫你小挫子Imean,howwouldyoulikeitifyouwerealittleperson你会怎么想and:someonecalledyouthat?严格意义上来说我确实Well,Imean,technically-这不一样怎么不一样了-That,snotthesame.-Whynot?你是个泰迪熊Youreateddybear
6、.那又怎样有什么关系呢Sowhat?Doesntmatter.对对这么说吧我就是个小挫子Yeah,yeah,youknowwhat?Iamamidget就不麻烦你教导我们小铿子AndIwillthankyounottotellourcommunity怎公说话了howtouseourword干得漂亮泰迪Welldone,Teddy.谢谢Thankyou.苏珊就说一次嘛Susan,justsayitonce.不就一次-Nope.-Justonetime.不-她不会说的-No.-Shesnotgoingtodoit.来嘛就说个草Comeon,justonefuck.不她不想卜.地狱No,shedoe
7、sntwanttogotohell说嘛苏珊Comeon,Susan.我不用说这种话也能表达自己的想法Icanexpressmyselfwithoutthatkindoflanguage谢谢了拜托了我们在打赌呢Thankyou.-Comeon,wegotabetgoing.就一次-打什么赌Justonetime.-Whatsthebet?赌泰迪能让妈妈说脏话Oh,thatTedcangetMomtoswear.哟呵太特么成熟了Oh,WOw,sofuckingadult.艾我们在吃晚饭呢Hey,we,reatdinner.就说个我♥草♥Justsayshit.我去Sho
8、ot.竖个中指也行Justgiveusthefinger竖了Theresyourfinger.说波兰佬SayPolack.泰迪不是吧Ted,really?这又不是种族有什公不能说的Itsnotarace.Youcansayit.对啊不就是一群人吗Yeah,itsjustabunchofguys.好了赶紧吃晚饭吧家人们OKJusteatyoursupper,fellas.她不会说脏话的Shesnotgoingtoswear,man.我赢了-草Iwin.-Ah,fuck.给钱Payup.谢了Thankyou.你都没穿裤子哪掏出来的钱Wait,yourenotwearingpants.Where,d
9、yougetthis?我怎么装东西用不着你操心Dontyouworryaboutwheremkeepingstuff.马蒂亲爱的这都第四瓶了Matty,honey,thatsyourfourthbeer.对我今天过得太糟心了Yeah,Ihadashitday.四瓶啤酒对于波士顿人来说就相当于一瓶Yeah,fourislikeaBostonone.没问题的HesOK.真遗憾你今天过得不顺利亲爱的msorryyourdaywashard,honey.你遗憾有什么用又修不好车Yeah,well,sorrydoesntfixthecar.车怎么了爸爸Whathappenedtothecar,Dad?后
10、挡泥板撞烂了Wholerearfendergotsmashed.严重吗Well,howbadisit?至少得400刀Itsgoingtobeatleast40obucks.-谁撞的-我没看见-Whohitit?-1didntsee.但我当时停在香港自助餐厅外面所以ButIwasparkedoutsidetheHongKongbuffet,so.你们懂的Dothemath.等等你什么意思msorry,what?我就说说嘛mjustsaying.这也太扯淡了Wow,thatissuchcompletebullshit.哎大家在吃晚饭呢Hey,we,reatdinner.这就是毫无道理的刻板印象啊I
11、t,sabullshitstereotype.和我的车说去吧Tellthattomycar.上帝啊SweartoGod这家人太落后了thiswholehouseholdissogoddamnbackward.泰迪今天下午说了两个悔辱词Tedhasusedtwoderogatorytermsthisafternoon.你现在又来掺一脚Andthenthereyougo发表如此无知的言论toppingitoffwiththatignorantcomment.我就说了个小挫了另一个是啥Isaidmidget.Whatwastheotherone?我不知道Yeah,Idon,tknow.你和我的家人生
12、活在我的家里Yourelivinginmyhousewithmyfamily,吃我们的食物喝我们的牛奶eatingourfood,anddrinkingourmilk.看不惯就自己受着吧Toughshitifyoudon,tlikeit.这这太好了Thatsjust-thatsgreat.很开心你没有把我msogladyoudontcountme看作家庭一员马蒂叔叔asamemberofthefamily,UncleMatty.是不是波兰佬啊MaybePolack,?不不可能是这个词这词多好呀No,couldntbethat.Thatonesfine.布莱尔你当然是这个家庭的一份子Blaire
13、,youareabsolutelyamemberofthisfamily.马蒂和她道歉Matty,tellheryouresorry.他怎么可能道歉Ofcoursehewont.要是道歉了不就承认我是对的了吗Becauseifhedid,he,dbeadmittingmright,也承认了他就是个典型的波士顿种族主义者whichwouldalsobeadmittingheisaclassicBostonracist.我不是种族主义者mnotaracist!我最爱的电影可是洛奇MyfavoritemovieisRocky.,这有什么关系吗Howthefuckdoesthatmakeyounotr
14、acist?里面有阿波罗克里德啊Uh,ApolloCreedisinthemovie.所以呢So?他是个黑人打赢r白人SohesaBlackguywhowinsagainstawhiteguy.我勒个天啊Oh,myGod.当然前提是把意大利人看作白人1mean,itsassumingyoucountItaliansaswhites,我一般都这么看whichImostlydo.20世纪60年代以前他们不算是白人Ofcourse,theywerentwhiteupuntilthe1960s朝鲜战争后他们的地位得到了很大提升TheygotabigbumpafterKorea.他们也没变得有多白And
15、itwasn,tsomuchtheygotmorewhite,古巴人也没变得有多黑但我也都接受了嘛theCubansgotmoreBlack,butIwasOKwiththattoo.这就是你在罗尼婚礼上的敬酒词吧Isntthisthetoast所以你才被赶了出来thatgotyoukickedoutofRonnyswedding?再说一次我当时就是想解释Again,Iwasexplaining为什么他和一个意大利人结婚是没有问题的whyitwasOKthathemarriedanItalian.老天爷啊JesusChrist你这不就是论证了我的观点吗Youareliterallyprovin
16、gmypoint.你特么就是个大号♥的种族主义者Youarearagingfuckinracist.喂我们在吃晚饭呢Hey,we,reatdinner.公平地说布莱尔你也会种族歧视Well,infairness,Blaire,youcanberacisttoo.什么What?-Mm-hmm.不不可能No,mnot.你还记得你小时候吗Doyourememberwhenyouwerealittlegirl?你会剪掉芭比娃娃的头发YouusedtocutthehairoffyourBarbies?然后呢Yes?你会先剪掉黑芭比的头发YouusedtocuttheBlackBarbies
17、hairofffirst看看好不好看toseehowitlooked不是吧你说真的吗Oh,comeon.Areyouseriouswiththat?如果你觉得喜欢Andthenifyoulikedit才会下手剪白芭比的头发thenyoudcutthewhiteBarbie,shair.你也有点种族歧视哦布莱尔Soyourealittleracisttoo,Blaire.哇哦这比今天发生的所有事情Wow,thatisweirdlysomuchmoredamning都更值得被遣责thananythingelsetoday.她很小就开始这样了Anditstartedwhenshewasveryyou
18、ngtoo.你们特么不是认真的吧Areyouguysforfuckingrealrightnow?这和变♥态♥纳粹医生的狗屁言论没什么两样Imean,thatissomesickNazidoctorshitrightthere.你有没有呢Didyou?有没有什么What?有没有先剪掉黑芭比的头发DidyoucuttheBlackBarbieshairfirst?好吧对我是会先剪黑芭比的头发Fine,yes,OK,IcuttheBlackBarbie,shair,yes.我才八岁好吧Iwaseightyearsold,OK?我啥也不懂Ididntfuckingknow
19、anybetter.黑芭比叫什么WhatwastheBlackBarbiesname?我不记得了一哟吼这下更糟了-1don,tremember.-Oh,itgetsevenworse!我去她不记得黑芭比的名字了Oh,myGod,shecantremembertheBlackBarbiesname.但我平等地爱着两个芭比ButIstilllovebothBarbiesequally.平等且分别地爱着-对对Andseparately?-Yeah,yeah.你的芭比梦幻屋里的泳池Whatwasthewaterfountainsituationlike是怎久搭的-对是不是给attheDreamHous
20、e?-Yeah,wastherelike黑芭比开了一个特殊人口aspecialentrancefortheBlackBarbie?听着-LookOh.是不是还给它起名为“我有一个梦幻屋DidyoucallittheIHaveaDreamHouse?啊哈我就是个孩子A-ha!-OK,Iwasafuckingchild.好吧我至少还有这么个理由Allright?AtleastIhavethatexcuse.而你们都是成年人了Youguysareadults.你们知道问题出在哪吗Youknowwhattheproblemis?教育Education.这个家里的人太缺乏教育了Thereisacompl
21、etelackofeducationinthisfamily.不对我有上学啊Thatsnottrue.Igotoschool.我在上陶艺课mtakingapotteryclass那泰迪呢WhataboutTed?Hmm?这辈子没有接受过一天教育He,sneverhadadayofeducationinhislife,从他说波兰佬就看得出来anditshows,usingwordslikePolack.就是波兰佬Oh,itwas,Polack.老师说我做的烟灰缸很有天赋Theteachersaysmyashtrayshowspromise.你应该每天和约翰一起上学Youshouldbegoing
22、toschooleverydaywithJohn.学点东西Youdlearnsomething.或许就不会发表这些无知言论了Andmaybeyouwouldntmakealltheseignorantcomments.不用了Uh,yeah,nothanks.为什么Whynot?因为Because.电视TV.苏珊阿姨帮我说说AuntSuze,helpmeout.泰迪说不定会很有意思的Well,Ted,youmighthavefun.而且约翰肯定愿意你陪他一起上学AndmsureJohnwouldlovetohaveyouthere不不我不会开心的No,no,Iwouldnothavefun.价格
23、竞猜早上10点开播AndThePriceisRightisonat10:00a.m.我会错过炫光接球环节的anddmissPlinko而且约翰尼这么尊重我他不会希望我错过的andJohnnyrespectsmetoomuchtowantmetodothat确实我尊重他Ido.Irespecthim.我回家以后他会把炫光接球环节发生的事都告诉我HetellsmeallaboutPlinkowhenIgethome.你这借口太烂了Thatissuchacop-out.你们不在家时我要看着房♥子1.ook,Iguardthehousewhenyouguysareout.哪有啊Youdo
24、not.有啊怎么看-Yeah,Ido.-How?如果有人闯进来你会怎么办Ifsomebodybrokein,whatwouldyoudo?我会告诉他后院里有好多好东西,I-Iwouldtellhimallthegoodstuffsinthebackyard等他出到院子里就把门锁上andthendlockthedoorbehindhim.这纯纯的浪费时间我还约了莎拉Thisispointless.IhaveplanswithSarah.今天的炫光接球太好看了Oh,Plinkowaswonderfultoday.炫光接球绝对是价格经常里最棒的游戏PlinkoisthebestPriceisRigh
25、tgame.是我们住在特别的年代Weliveinsuchspecialtimes.到目前为止共IooO美元$1,000totalthusfar.一天第三个是-0h,God.-Thirdoneis.天Oh,God.卧草草草草Fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,靠靠靠靠靠fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck.耶我的天Yes!Ah!Oh,myGod!我想找人叨逼叨两句Iwanttotellsomebody.算了没事No,its0K.Itsallright就成为我独享的一刻吧Thiswillbemymoment.好吧又是独自在家的一天Allright,another
26、daywiththehousetomyself玩点什么好呢玩什么玩什么Whatsfun?Whatsfun?Whatsfun?Whatsfun?对了去看看能不能找到马蒂藏的小黄♥片♥儿Oh,letsseeifwecanfindwhereMattyhideshisporn.天什么都没有吗Jesus,hesgotnothing?结婚25年居然都没有小黄♥片♥儿25yearsofmarriageandnoporn,要我♥干♥脆一枪毙自己dputabulletinmyhead找到了Oh,hereWego.谈什么持枪权Oh
27、,talkabouttherighttobeararms.持（熊）枪的熊哈Beararmsbearingarms,right?天这么好笑的笑话大家都错过了Oh,man,everybody,smissingallthisgreatstuff等会儿我知道该怎么玩了Oh,wait.Oh,Iknowwhattodowiththis太帅了Awesome!幸好我在家里试玩了这个Oh,IamsogladItriedthisathome什么鬼啊Whatthehellwasthat?没事的菲驰克太太Oh,itsOk,Mrs.Fechko.我只是在做个科学实验mjustdoingascienceexperimen
28、t.你拿的是枪吗Isthatagun?它是有这么个功能Imean,thatsonefunctionofit,yeah.那你开枪打啥呢Well,whatareyoushootingat?没啥Nothing.你确定吗Areyousure?确定Yeah.好吧Allright.我去Ah,fuck.那俄♥罗♥斯♥拳击拥有各种科技对吧TheRussianboxerhasallthistechnology,right?但是洛奇在山上呢ButRockyswayupinthemountains.他只有些滚木啊什么的Andallhesgotis,like,logsands
29、hit这相差太悬殊了因为俄♥国♥人SoitswickedunevenbecausetheRussians把德拉戈身体的各个部分都用机器武装起来了havemachinesfor,like,everypartofDragosbody.但你知道他们哪部分没有机器吗Butyouknowwhatparttheydonthaveamachinefor?这里就在这Thisguy,righthere你真该看看Aw,youshouldhaveseenit.我现在应该也能看听上去他们都拍电影了msureIstillcan.Itsoundsliketheyfilmedit.我不明白了一开
30、始聊的堕胎Idontknowhowwestartedtalkingaboutabortion最后怎久聊到这了andendeduphere.明天我不用接你对吧Idonthavetopickyouuptomorrow,right?不用我租了车No,Igottherental.我勒个去Whatthefuck?嘿马蒂嘿布莱尔Oh.Hey,Matty.Hey,Blaire.你特么搞啥呢Whatthefuckisthis?这是小蛋糕水蜜桃Oh,thisisCupcake,Peaches,还有俄式牛柳丝andBeefStroganoff嗨Hi.电视怎么回事WhathappenedtotheTV?哦我不小心开
31、枪打的Oh,Iaccidentallyshotit.你开枪打的Youshotit?是然后我感觉特别内疚Yeah,andIfeltreallybadaboutit后来我就说嘿泰迪就是个意外嘛AndthenIwaslike,Hey,Ted,itwasanaccident.别再为难自己了Stopbeingsohardonyourself发生这种事已经够糟糕了,It,sbadenoughthatithappened就算你难过也改变不了结果Youfeelingbadsnotgoingtofixit.于是我叫了这些女士们来陪我SoIcalledtheseladies因为我想让自己觉得好过些becauseI
32、wastryingtomakemyselffeelbetter.果然可以我现在就是觉得好多了AndIdo.Ifeelbetter.看见没如果他去上学See,thisisthekindofshit就不会发生这些烂事了thatwouldnthappenifhewasinschool等等啥Wait,what?你给我去上学Youregoingtoschool.等会别这样你这就反应过度了吧Wait,hangon.Thatisaseriousoverreaction.你给我去上学Youregoingtoschool,好特么给我长点脑子andyouregoingtogrowafuckingbrain!不是吧
33、Oh,comeon!有脑产多性感啊Ithinkbrainsaresexy.闭嘴吧牛柳丝Shutup,Beef.约翰尼你醒着呢吗Hey,Johnny,youawake?嗯Yeah.我打飞机呢Iwasjustjerkingoff啥What?安啦逗你玩的Relax,mfuckingwithyou.我去HolyJesus.等等我在房♥间里时Wait,youre-youdontdothat你不会那么做吧whenmintheroom,right?不会No.通常不会但如果你在睡觉的话Notusually.Imean,ifyoureasleep.靠所以我才会梦到西班牙大帆船是吧Oh,shit,t
34、hatswhyIhadtheSpanishgalleondream.什么What?有天晚上我梦到Ihadadreamtheothernight自己在西班牙奴隶贩奴船上划船that1wasrowingonaSpanishslaveship.然后那个敲鼓的家伙越敲越快Andtheguyonthedrumswaspoundingfasterandfaster.于是我就跳窗逃跑了AndsoIescapedbyjumpingoutawindow,然后我游到了一个荒岛and1swamtoadesertisland等我上了岸AndwhenIcameashore,你就在那打飞机呢thereyouwerejer
35、kingoff所以我才会做这个梦ThatsprobablywhyIhadthatdream.好吧晚安OK,goodnight.约翰尼上学这事有多糟糕Johnny,howbadisschoolgoingtosuck?你肯定不会喜欢的Yourenotgoingtolikeit.有多糟糕Howbad?你刷牙后喝过橙汁吗Youeverdrinkorangejuiceafterbrushingyourteeth?喝过Yeah.就像把你的蛋蛋Well,itslike撞到一起撞得太厉害gettingyournutssmashedtogethersohard,以至于两个蛋蛋变成了一个theybecomejus
36、tonenut.我助个去天天都这样吗Holyshit.Andthatseveryday?每一天Thatseverysingleday.但如果你死于酒驾事故Butifyoudieinadrunkdrivingaccident年鉴上能给你留一整页yougetawholepageintheyearbook.真不是晚安月亮那种助眠故事NotquiteGoodnightMoon/明天见吧butllseeyouinthemorning什么玩意儿Thissucks.我们一整天都要背着这么个破包到处走吗Wegottolugthesethingsaroundallday?嗯差不多吧Yeah,prettymuch
37、.看上去好蠢还好吧-Welookstupid.-Nah,we,refine看起来像是杀式炸♥弹♥袭击者犹像不决的样儿Welooklikesuicidebombershavingsecondthoughts.赶紧给我闭嘴吧Shutthefuckup.在这可不能拿炸♥弹♥开玩笑Youcantjokeaboutbombshere.我问你件事吧Nowletmeaskyousomething你有没有觉得Youevergetself-conscious自己的学校里只有白人beingtheonlywhiteguyatyourschool?不知道我们住在
38、波士顿郊区Idunno,weliveinaBostonsuburb.去年来了个印度同学Oh,lastyear,wehadanIndiankid.是吗Oh,yeah?嗯但是被他们给搞掉了Yeah,buttheygothim.什么意思Whatdoesthatmean?我也喜欢他Ilikedhimtoo什么叫他们给搞掉了Whatdoyoumeantheygothim,?他以前总分我饼干吃HeusedtosharehisDunkaroos.-好人来着-去它的吧约翰尼Goodguy.-Fuckthis,Johnny.这么着吧我也要想办法被开除Youknowwhat?mgoingtogetexpelled
39、.因为啥Forwhat?我现在还不知道但我会想个主意出来的Idontknowyet.llcomeupwithsomething.不是吧你要想办法故意被开除吗Wait,youregoingtotryandgetkickedout?只有这个办法了我还想回家看卡片王呢Itstheonlyway.mmissingCardSharks.看啊伙计Dude,look.她来了Theresheis.啥What?靠那谁啊Holyshit,whoisthat?贝瑟尼的姐姐Bethanyssister.她在艾默生上学世界上最性感的妞儿ShegoestoEmerson.Hottestchickontheplanet.天
40、她叫什么名字啊Jesus,whatshername?-什么不可能-就是-What?No.-Yep.希拉-Sheila?-Uh-huh.上帝是特么开了个什么恶毒的玩笑啊WhatthefuckkindofmalevolentGodwoulddothat?是啊就像她父母知道她生出来就会这么性感似的Yeah,itslikeherparentsknewshewasgoingtobehot,他们想稍微平衡一下andtheywantedtolevelthefield.反应快点本内特Thinkfast,Bennett!漂亮Nice!-草嘿蠢货-Fuck.-Hey,dork.这特么是什么东西Whatthefuc
41、kyougothere?你把玩偶拿到学校来了Yourebringingyourdollstoschool?去你♥妈♥的♥克莱夫Hey,fuckyou,Clive.天王八蛋Oh,God,youmotherfucker这家伙谁啊-克莱夫泰迪熊不错啊本内特Niceteddybear,Bennett.你的小毯子也带来了吗Yougotyourblankietoo?Ooh.你这是想搞个酷儿全套是吗Youmustbegoingfullgayonus,huh?我早就知道你是个酷儿Ialwaysknewyouwereabigqueer.我不想在这猜测谁才是男同Youkn
42、ow,Idontwanttospeculateonwhosgay,但你刚才不是摸了他老二两次吗butdidntyoujusttouchhispenistwice?嘿听着这没什么可不好意思的Hey,listen,man,itsnothingtobeashamedof.都90年代了时代不同了Itsthe,90s.Timesarechanging嘿还有人是同吗Hey,anybodyelseheregay?感觉如何Howisit?棒啊老给力了-Itsgreat.-Itsthefuckingtits看见没评论都出来了See?Thereyougo.Thereviewsarein.那你也是个蠢货Youres
43、tillafuckingdork嘿蠢货Hey,whatadorko.走吧1.etsgo.嘿泰迪Hey,youknowwhat,Teddy?我觉得你在这我还挺高兴的Ithinkmreallygladyourehere行吧谢了Yeah,thanks.但我还是打算被开除mstillgoingtogetkickedout.我知道Iknow.从1814到1815From1814to1815,followingthewriting在恰尔德哈罗尔德游记之后ofChildeHaroldsPilgrimage,拜伦勋爵成了伦敦摄政时期的祝酒词1.ordByronwasthetoastofRegencyLondo
44、n.在这期间他写了柯林斯围攻Duringgthisperiod,hewroteTheSiegeofCorinth,阿比多斯的新娘还有什么TheBrideofAbydos/andwhatelse?-阿曼达特拉契那Amanda.-Terracina.没错看来有人学习了Yes.Someonedidthehomework非常好Verygood.我觉得这家伙从上课开始就掉了40根头发Ithinkthisguyslost40hairssinceclassstarted.真奇怪是不是Itsweird,right?感觉不是用掉的It,sliketheyrenotfallingout.而是用跳的Theyrejumpingout.你能把我这句诗补完吗Canyoucompletethisverse?她如美好走近宛如万里无云的夜晚Shewalksinbeauty,li
