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1、嗯所以有只树懒爬到号♥墙上去了Yeah,sosloth,sclimbingupWallThree,我们最受欢迎的一堵攀岩墙oneofourmostpopularclimbs.他啥时候开始往上爬的上周吗Whendidhestarthisascent,lastweek?这里Overhere.就在上面Upthere.昨天这有小孩开了生日派对Wehadakidsbirthdaypartyyesterday.爱宠乐园那家伙肯定是忘了他了Ithinkthepettingzooguymusthaveforgottenhim.噢他们有带大型宠物来吗我们经常接到这样的报♥警&hear
2、ts;Oh,didtheyuseHeavyPetters?Wegetalotofcalls.他们统计动物数目挺马虎的Realsloppywiththeirheadcount.噢这小家伙在动呢Oh,littledude,sonthemove.他还怪得意的呢He,sgettingcocky.施莱德给我穿上护具Shred,strapmein.弗兰克我想再问你一遍Frank,letmeflagthisonemoretime.你确定不想让我爬上去吗Areyousureyoudontwantmetoclimb?施莱德看这小家伙Shred,lookathim.我只是担心你因为他太可爱rmjustworrie
3、daboutyouoverdosingoncuteness就失去你的理智了看我的吧andlosingallyourfaculties.1gotthis.快点弗兰克他看起来要抓不住了Hurry,Frank!Ithinkhe,slosinghisgrip!嗯哼你就只会看戏吧Mmhmm.Theyellinghelps.嘿伙计我叫弗兰克没事的Hi,buddy.mFrank.Itsok.对就这样过来慢慢的Yeah,comeonoverhereniceandeasy.噢好吧呃Oh,alright.Well,um.他喜欢那个夹子弗兰克Helikestheclip,Frank.噢看啊它亮晶晶的Oh,look.
4、Itsshiny.好吧Ok,ok.不不不不要啊No,no,no,no,no!你没事吧Areyouok?噢没事没事Oh,yeah,yeah.手♥机♥钥匙给我缓冲了一下Thephoneandkeysbrokemyfall.你在傻笑着看啥呢Whatareyougigglingat?特蕾莎Teresa.她给我发了一段她被海浪拍倒的视频Shesentmeavideoofhergettingknockedoverbyawave.挺会自嘲的Shesveryself-deprecating.特蕾莎是谁WhosTeresa?和我互发短♥信♥的其中一位女人O
5、neofthewomenmtextingwith.其中一位Oneofthewomen?是啊我用了几款约会软件Yeah.Ijoinedacoupleofthosedatingapps可能是因为我发了一张andmaybeitscauseIpostedapicture我和长颈鹿宝宝的照片吧ofmewithababygiraffe我可收到好多私信啊butmgettingalotofmessages.我怎么感觉就一周前你还因为艾米丽心碎的不行Ifeellikeitwasjustaweekagoyouweresoheartbroken连法式吐司条都没吃完啊overEmilyyoucouldntfinish
6、yourFrenchtoaststicks.我受够沉溺悲伤了弗兰克我受够了mdonewallowing,Frank.mdonewithit.人来到这世上可不是来沉溺于悲伤中的ManWaSnotputonthisearthtowallow.嘿如果你和某人聊的火热朝天Hey,ifyouhadadazzlingtextrapportwithsomeone你愿意为这个跑一趟班布里奇岛不wouldyoubewillingtotraveltoBainbridgeIsland?是挺远的我还得乘轮渡去呢It,salongwayaway,Ihavetotakeaferry,但我感觉这代表了些什么butIthin
7、kitmakesastatement.要我说这对她是个很好的机会Well,itsabigopportunityforhertomeet能见到这世上最折磨人的人了themostexhaustingpersonontheplanet.22分区最新领养信息Precinct22adoptionupdate:我们刚给山羊找到了新家wejustfoundahomeforthegoat,这一来这季度共有68只宠物被领养了sothatmakes68petsthisquarter.vna我们的狗舍正式空了Ourkennelsareofficiallyempty.好i矣Alright.恭喜啊Congratulat
8、ions.邓普顿那破分区现在有几只啊HowmanydidTempletonsbrokeassprecincthave?截止今天早上75只Asofthismorning,75.等等那我们没机会羸乒乓球桌了吗Wait,sowedonthaveachanceatthepingpongtable?只剩两天了Theresonlytwodaysleft.那你为什么说这是场胜利啊Whydidyoupresentthisasawin?呃我们排西雅图所有分区的第二Ok,wellweresecondinallofSeattle我们能赢到披萨午餐soweregoingtogetthepizzalunch.但我不想赢
9、披萨午餐ButIdontwantthepizzalunch.我想赢球桌啊Iwantthetable.行了这一切的重点不在了赢Alright,wellitsnotaboutwinning,而在于动物福利itsabouttheanimalswell-being.噢你觉得动物会想让邓普顿赢吗Oh,youthinktheanimalswantTempletontowin?错了他们想要公平公正No,theywantjustice,公平就是让我赢了那个球桌andjusticeismewinningthattable.我是说我们这个集体我就想要打乒乓嘛1meanus,thecollectiveme.1jus
10、twannaplaypingpong!好了我挂了弗兰克Ok,bye,Frank,感谢致电Thankyouforcontacting美国公民及移♥民♥服务局USCitizenshipandImmigrationServices.下一位有空的客服会接通您的拨话Yourcallwillbeansweredbythenextavailableagent.我知道了你已经跟我说了不下700次了Yes,Iknow,becauseyouvetoldme700times.别哼Dont.好的一你敢Gotcha.-Dontyoudare.我不喜欢听这部分-别哼了1dontlikethis
11、part.-Stop.这是法国号♥角吹的吗IsthataFrenchhorn?所有单位注意警方在百老汇街146号♥Allunits:Policerequestingback-up请求增援at146Broadway.就是法国号♥角嘛8号♥车响应出警It,saFrenchhorn.Truck8responding.感谢致电Thankyouforcontacting美国公民及移♥民♥服务局USCitizenshipandImmigrationServices.这简直折磨死人了我就想要张绿卡Thisistorture!
12、Ijustneedagreencard!为什么要为难我Whyareyoumakingthissodifficult?别哼Dont.嘿跳蚤和婢虫警官Hey,officersFleaandTick.天啊你还真会开玩笑Ohmygod,youaresofunny.看来即兴表演课卓有成效啊吉米Thoseimprovclassesarereallypayingoff,Jimmy.这里什么情况What,vewegot?有个囤积狂孤独终老了留下很多烤面包机Hoarderdiedallalone.Alotoftoasters.还有很多猫Alotofcats.多少只Howmanycats?天我也不知道啊大概400
13、只吧1dontknow,man.1.ike400?他们到处乱跑根本没法好好数完Theywouldntstaystillforaheadcount.他们都需要新家Theyreallgonnaneedhomes.你猜什么东西也需要新家乒乓球桌Youknowwhatelseneedsahome?Thatpingpongtable.击掌施莱德Uptop,Shred.好嘲Yep.好了我们进屋吧Alright,letsgo,guys.嗨Hi.这地方让我有点毛骨悚然啊Ewww,thisplacefreaksmeout.是啊我也不想自吹自播哈但是这地方Yeah,Idontwannatootmyownhornb
14、utthisisexactly和我想象中囤积狂的家的味道一模样whatIthoughtahoardershousewouldsmelllike.典型的弗兰克式吹牛没法验证你说的ClassicFrankboast.Nowaytoverifyit.闻闻你就知道了Justbreathein.别这样吓人Dontdothat!抱歉Sorry.谁会把一个没头的人体模特放在走廊里啊老兄Whokeepsaheadlessmannequininahallway,dude?什么What?其他房♥间还有好多装满尿的子呢Therearedozensofjarsofurineintheotherroom你
15、居然能被这玩意儿吓到andthisgivesyoupause?伙计们根据这小册子说Guys,rememberthathoardingisadisease爱囤积东西是种疾病这小册子也是我accordingtothispamphletIfound在一堆讲囤积狂的小册子里找到的inapileofpamphletsabouthoarding.这一点也不好玩Thatisnotcool!老兄Dude.干什么就因为有个老太在这屋里死了What?Justcauseanoldladydiedheredoesntmean不代表我们不能开点玩笑了嘛Wecanthavealittlefun.有人也听见那音乐声了吗Ca
16、nanyoneelsehearthatmusic?我分不出是真的有还是我想象出来的Icanttellwhetherit,srealorwhetheritsinmyhead.我肯定也听到了Itotallyhearit.因为是有音乐在放啊伙计们Causeitsmusicplaying,guys.有人吗Hello?有人在家吗Isanybodyhome?真希望你们能意识到刚刚有多傻Well,Ihopeyouguysfeelsilly.什么东西它还没死吗Whatisit?!Isitundead?恶魔走开下来把它弄下来Awaydemon!Off!Getitoff!看来有人吓尿了啊Ithinkwejusta
17、ddedtotheurinesmella把它弄下来Getitoff!可惜她没囤点清洁用品Toobadshedidnthoardcleaningproducts.确实清洁的不怎么及时Sure,itsgotabitofdeferredmaintenance,所有东西表面都黏糊糊的但用的都是真材实料啊everysurfaceissticky,butitsgotgoodbones.要是有个精明点的投资者他来肯定能大赚一笔Asavvyinvestorcouldcomeinhereandmakeakilling.瞧瞧这个红橡木原本做的啊1.ookatthis.Thatsoriginalredoak.好吧R
18、ight.那壁炉是还能用吗Isthataworkingfireplace?噢班布里奇岛那女孩儿给我确认了Ooh,IjustgotconfirmationfromBainbridgeIsland.我这周都约满了哦mnowfullybookedfortheweek.你也得试试这些约会软件弗兰克Yougottagetononeoftheseapps,Frank.废物才用约会软件Datingappsareforlosers.这些软件真让我约上过好多次呢Igetheapsofactionfromthoseapps.那我再加一个废物和不合法的外星人才用这些Datingappsareforlosersand
19、illegalaliens.戳到我痛点满意了吧Oh,burn.还是赶紧把这些猫搞出去去赢下乒乓球桌吧1.etsgetthesecatsoutofhereandgowinapingpongtable.太好了还能用我说不定可以投资一笔呢Yeah,working!MaybeIshouldinvest.感觉你在故意换话题1thinkyourechangingthesubject.话题一直都是也永远会是乒乓球嘉Thesubjectwasandalwayswillbepingpong.是你自己换了Youchangedit.CONTRO1.嗯但我和你认识一年半了Yeah,butIveknownyouayea
20、randahalf你却一直没谈过别人youveneverbeeninarelationship,就感觉有点奇怪而已Ijustthinkitsweird.听着我被同一个女的放了两次鸽子1.ook,Igotghostedbythesamewomantwice.还有我的牙医女的她一直给我改预约时间Andmydentist,alsoawoman,shekeepsrescheduling,所以我决定就休息休息呗somjustgonnatakethespringoff.弗兰克你年纪也不小了Frank,yourenotgettinganyyounger.难道你不想要找一个女伴儿吗Anddontyouwann
21、ameetaniceladywhocanhelpyou你老了以后她可以帮你如厕getonandoffthetoilet?我就要打给美国移♥民♥及海关执法局了Yeah,youknow,onemorecommentlikethatandmcallingICE.我只是想提醒你一下mjustsayingyouhavetobecareful,毕竟你以后可能会这样becausethissituationcouldbeyou.孤独的高个子男人死的时候只有猫咪相伴1.onely,tallman,diessurroundedbyhiscats.行吧Ok.感觉现在说可能已经有点晚了哦I
22、thinkitmightalreadybetoolate.我的腿笔直细挺他们因此以为这是猫抓杆而已Mylegsaresowell-definedtheythinkitsascratchingpost.d行吧Sure.好了大家听好了Alrighteverybody,listenup.这些猫咪赐予了我们一件礼物Wehavebeengivenagiftwiththesecats.一件尖叫着抓挠人的天赐礼物Ascreeching,clawinggiftfromthegods.怎么每个人都忙着看手♥机♥Whatisgoingonwiththesephones?移&hearts
23、;民♥的事Immigration.这确实是法国号♥角吹的对吧ThatisaFrenchhorn,right?你又有什么理由Whatsyourexcuse?班布里奇岛女孩儿跟我取消了我得再找人填补这空档了BainbridgeIslandfelloutandIhavetofillherslot.我重组语言再说一遍1.etmerephrasethat.弗兰克现在算个好时机吗Frank,isnowagoodtimetospeaktoyou跟你说说投资机会的事aboutaninvestmentopportunity?不是No.因为我正在看子洛网站它是学区房♥Be
24、cause1amonZillowrightnow,excellentschooldistrict,这对年轻点的家庭来说吸引方满满的啊itpracticallysellsitselftoayoungfamily,更不用说从这屋里还能瞥到太空针塔呢nottomentionapeekabooviewoftheSpaceNeedle.连M&M巧克力我都不会和你一起去买♥♥IwouldntevengoinonabagofM&Mswithyou,要我投资囤积狂的家简直异想天开大家专心点好吗letaloneahoardershouse.Weneedtofocus.现在事态攸关的是
25、这张乒乓球桌啊Thereisapingpongtableatstake.当然了我可以自己买♥♥一张但这不是重点Sure,1couldjustbuyone,butitsnotaboutthat.重点是打败邓普顿It,saboutbeatingTempleton.我们在周五工作日结束之前WehaveuntilendOfbusinessFriday必须得把这些产品送走togetthisproductoutthedoor.行了弗兰克我得提醒你下他们是被遗弃的猫咪Ok,Frank,justaremindertheyreneglectedcats,不是产品这事速度不重要notp
26、roduct,andit,s,youknow,lessaboutspeed,重要的是给他们找到温暖的新家moreaboutfindingthemgood,lovinghomes.那当然了他们有三个是姊妹Totally.Threeofthemaresiblings.我们就可以把他们打包一起送走Sowecouldprobablyputthoseinonepackage这样一下就多出来十个隔间了andthatwouldleaveuswithtenunits.达奇警官来了要我拦住他吗OfficerDudgeapproaching,shouldIdenyentry?一嗯-好的Yeah.-Yes.不没事贝
27、塔妮No,itsfine,Bettany.好不知道你们听说了没我们已经给那只有Ok,notsureifyouheard,weunloadedthebeagle肛♥门♥感染了的比格犬找到新家了withtheinfectedanalglands.对了你们等会吃厚皮还是薄皮披萨Sonextquestion:deepdishorthincrust?听完小猎犬肛♥门♥感染后我不饿;mnothungrynowafterhearingaboutthatbeaglesituation.那乒乓球桌正好能Thatpingpongtableisgonnafit
28、nicely放我们上次赢的刨冰机旁边nexttotheSno-Conemachinewewonlastquarter,艾米丽在某种程度上我们的成功离不开你的领导andatsomepoint,Emily,thisisaboutyourleadership.或不领导Orlackthereof.你阴阳不到我邓普顿Ok,you,renotgonnamakemefeelbadaboutthis,Templeton.我总得试试Imight.你今天怎么这么安静弗兰克Andyoureawfullyquiet,Frank.因为我在心里默默把你吐槽Dontworry,mscreamingplentyofthing
29、satyou得狗血淋头了inmyhead.又是这个经典讽刺微笑Theresthatsnark,thatwrysmile.行吧一个反手切Alright,backhand,slice.拜拜Bye.危险解除Allclear.行转换战略我们这次必须赢Ok,we,rechangingtactics.We,regonnawin.那混♥蛋♥老对我的工作指指点点我受够Iamsosickofthatjerkjustalwaysgunningformyjob我要看那副自鸣得意的嘴脸哭andIneedtowipethesmuglittlesmileoffofhisface.我喜欢小心眼的
30、斗士版艾米丽Ilikepetty,competitiveEmily.是的性感中带着一些俏皮Yeah,shessexy.Alittlebitnaughty,even.工作场合不能说这种话Andmnotallowedtosaythisstuffatwork一不小心会处分的somaybellgetdisciplined.不好意思最近在换避孕手段mreallysorryaboutthat,I-Iveswitchedbirthcontrol最近有点抓狂somfeelingabitcrazy.行我们得制定计划Ok,weneedaplan.我觉得大家都知道该怎么做IthinkWeallknowwhatweh
31、avetodo.又来了Oh,herewego.一为什么呢一太经典了Anyexcuse.-1.oveit.一她的口头禅一经典Shelovesit-1.oveit.我问一下我们要做什么msorry,whatdowehavetodo?我们要给猫猫盛装打扮Wehavetodressthecatsup把美照传到我们的网站andputpicturesofthemonourwebsite.而我负责给猫猫选主题服装AndIshouldprobablybeinchargeofcostumetheme.我们不要玩简奥斯汀那一套了WerenotdoingtheJaneAustenthingagain.为什么多可爱呀
32、Whynot?Itwassocute.让蜥蜴戴上蝴蝶结坐那儿五个月Thelizardinthebonnetsatthereforfivemonths.后两个月它都死了Andtwoofthosemonthsitwasdead.但依然可爱Butitwascute.我虽职位不高也来拉拉票Ok,IamgonnapullrankthatIdon,thave.狂野西部主题怎么样大家WildWesttheme,everybody.警长牛仔加几个小妓♥女♥Sheriffs,cowboys,maybealittlebordello.赞成Yes!我的构想是这样Thatiswhatwer
33、edoing.我超爱狂野西部Ilovethewildwest火爆山姆是乐一通动画片我的最爱YosemiteSamwasalwaysmyfavorite1.ooneyTunes.大家都知道兔八哥才是经典EverybodyknowsthatBugsBunnywasthebest.我不想再跟人争这个mnothavingthisargumentagain.臭美公了Pepe1.ePew?不行Cancelled.就没同意过我Alwaysignored.我同意狂野西部主题IcanworkwithWildWest,棉花苞裤和波洛领带效果也会很不错mseeinglotsofcottonbloomersandbo
34、loties,你们俩负责美术道具soyoutwo,Ineedyouonartsupplies.你们俩去买♥♥可爱小猫猫服装Ineedyoutwoonteeny-tinycatcostumes.总之我们的目标是最快把小猫们Ok.Weneedtomakethesecatsasadorableaspossible一打扮到最美-是asfastaspossible.-Yeah.动起来动起来行动1.etsgo,everybody.1.etsgo.现在Rightnow?猫爪是焦点Clawsbecomefeatures.三条腿的猫要穿内战装Thethree-leggedcatnee
35、dstohaveaCivilWarcostume,营造故事感出发givehimabackstory.1.etsgo!班布里奇女孩回消息了BainbridgeIslandisbackin!啊上班时间别弄这些有的没的Uh,dontuseofficehoursfortrivialnonsense.你现在该买♥♥小猫牛仔巾11Youresupposedtobeorderingtinycowboyhats.我不知道该不该信她了IdontknowifIcantrusthernow.我以后约会要再三确认做好备选计划mgonnadoublebookadatejustsoIhavea
36、back-upplan.施莱德我一直都很坚定Shred,Idontwannagetinvolvedinyouremotionallife,不插手你的感情生活vebeenconsistentandunwaveringinthat,但你恋爱谈得有点神经rbutyouseemalittlenutswiththedating.天哪你跟我妈似的Oh,youandmymother.她也这么认为Thatswhatshethinks,觉得我没好好对待对艾米丽的感情thatIhaventprocessedallmyfeelingsforEmily.非要我哭吗呜呜Well,processthis:boohoo.你
37、和你妈讨论吧我不插嘴了Youknowwhat?Youandyourmomcoveredit.我告诉你我怎么跟她说的mgonnatellyouwhatItoldher.别绑住我的双翅妈妈Dontclipmywings,mom.我要去找寻未知的浪漫mflyingintoaworldofunknownromantic或上♥床♥的机会slashsexualopportunities.12号♥卡车有店主报告动物丢失Truck12.Businessownerreportingmissinganimal.凯尼街3247号♥3247KinleyStree
38、t.12号♥卜车收到Truck12responding,肖警官和他的神经病乘客立刻赶往OfficerShawandhisunhingedpassengerontheirway.弗兰克人是不错Frankisagreatguy.但是我想给他一个建设性的建议Imean,ifIhadoneconstructivecriticism他梦想太小了itwouldbethathisdreams,theyresmall.不像你我Notlikeyouandme.其他人见雨云就是云Othersseestormclouds,但我们知道那是卖♥♥伞的商机weseeanoppor
39、tunitytoinventtheumbrella.我们有慧眼Wegetit.我不会投资你的烂房♥子mnotinvestinginnodisgustinghouse.再说了如果真那久好你干嘛自己不买♥♥Andifitssogreat,whydon,tyoujustbuyit?额我很多流动性资产Well,vesunkalotOfliquidity沉没进孩子的钢琴课了intochildrenspianolessons.天哪我是下一位接听太激动了Ohmygosh,mnextinline.Thisisveryexciting.我已经等待接听几个小时了vebee
40、nonholdforliterallyhours.不巧要进隧♥道♥了Thisisveryunfortunatetiming.不No!真好笑Ohboy.一个灵媒找不到自己的宠物Apsychicwhocantfindtheirownpet.我进这种地方会感觉束手束脚的It,sgonnabehardformetobemybestselfinthere.我的小猴尼尔瓦那Somymonkey.Nirvana,是科特柯本转世shesthereincarnationofKurtCobain.所以我给她起名尼尔瓦那Thatshowshegothername.是的根据你对她的观察Ye
41、ah,Iputtwoandtwotogether.我也有一点超感觉力IgotalittleESPofmyown.我算过了知道她不会有事IknowshesgoingtobeokbecauseIcanseeshessafe.你要不然直接算她现在在哪儿Wannashortcutthisandtelluswheresheis?灵力不能这样用Itdoesntworklikethat.当然Ofcoursenot.别担心我们会告诉相关机构Hey.Wellalerttheauthorities.嗯其实就是我们Well,actually,itsactuallyus.不用担心我们会帮您找回猴了Butdontwor
42、ry,wewillfindyourmonkey.你有一种善良的光辉Youhaveakindaura.谢谢Thanks.你的气场就很动♥乱♥Yoursismoreturbulent.你怎么看出来的Whatgaveitaway?我的过分敌意Myoverthostility,orthatmorethanonce还是多次暗示你是个骗子Iveimpliedthatyoureacharlatan?我能问你下Hey,canIaskyousomething?班布里奇岛有个女孩TheresthisgirlonBainbridgeIsland-她不值得太远Shesnotworthit.
43、Toofaraway.她也太优柔寡断Also,she,sveryindecisive.弗兰克她有点东西你也问问Frank,she,sgood.Askhersomething.不要No.试试Comeon.我们能赢得那个乒乓球桌吗Arewegonnawinthepingpongtable?不是吧我能解答任何问题Seriously?Youcanaskmeanything.你可以预见未来或与逝者沟通Icanseeintothefutureorcommunicatewiththedead.好吧Fine.通灵问问我过世的母亲Reachouttomydeadmotherandaskher觉得我能不能赢得那张
44、乒乓球桌ifshethinkswe,regonnawinthepingpongtable.你现在处在人生的十字路UlYoureatacrossroadsinlife.我只能看清一条路Icanonlyseeonepathclearly孤寂之路anditsapathofgreatloneliness.你要不要试一不约会软件Haveyouconsideredadatingapp?你就直说不确定谁能得到那桌了呗Justadmityoudon,tknowwhosgonnawinthepingpongtable.乒乓桌只是外象Pingpongisjustadistraction.内心深处Underneat
45、hyoudontthink你认为没人会陪你一生theressomeoneoutthereforyou.放弃了对爱情的追求Youvegivenuponlove.我打了个寒战Ijustgotachill.因为这个小灵媒商店付不起供暖费Thatchillisbecausestripmallmediumherecantaffordheat.还丢了只猴子Andshelostanentiremonkey.行了走Alright,letsgo.1射谢Thankyou.这个酒保像我叔叔吉米ThisbartenderlookslikemyuncleJimmy.没想到这招真行有不少点赞Holycrap,Ithinkitsworking.Gettingalotoflikes.来新消息了Herewego.一个家庭想要收养小猫比利Ok.
