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1、所以是谁搞坏的So,whobrokeit?我没生气我只是想知道mnotmad,Ijustwanttoknow.是我我搞坏的Ron-不不是你1did.Ibrokeit,Ron.-No.No,youdidnt.Tom-别看我啊Tom?-Dontlookatme.看看Ben1.ookatBen.什么不是我搞坏的啊What?1didntbreakit.哈真奇怪你是怎么知道它坏掉了呢Huh.Thatsweird.Howdyouevenknowitwasbroken?因为它就在我们面前然后它坏掉了啊Becauseitssittingrightinfrontofusanditsbroken.可疑-不没有Su
2、spicious.-No,it,snot如果有关系的话.可能没有Ifitmatters.Probablynot.但APriI是最后一个用它的.butAprilwasthelastonetouseit.骗子我根本不喝那玩艺儿1.iar!Idontevendrinkthatcrap.哦真的吗那你早些在咖啡推车旁边干嘛呢Oh,really?Thenwhatwereyoudoingbythecoffeecartearlier?我用木制搅拌棒把长出来的角质层推回去啊Iusethewoodenstirrerstopushbackmycuticles.所有人都知道的JerryEveryoneknowstha
3、t,Jerry.好的我们别争了我搞坏的让我来赔吧RonOkay,letsnotfight.IbrokeitLetmepayforit,Ron.不是谁搞坏的No.Whobrokeit?RonDonna有点太安静了Ron,Donnasbeenawfullyquiet.你来真的啊Really?是来真的-我的天啊Yeah,really.-Oh,myGod!是我搞坏的它烫到我的手所以我打了它一拳Ibrokeit.Itburnedmyhand,soIpunchedit.我预计十分钟之后他们会扭打起来Ipredicttenminutesfromnow,theyllbeateachothersthroats脸
4、上涂着征战妆手上拿着猪头棒withwarpaintontheirfacesandapigheadonastick.很好这里最近有点太亲密了Good.Itwasgettingalittlechummyaroundhere.公园与游憩公园与游憩第3季第13集第3季第13集我需要你们今晚来蛇洞酒吧帮我点忙IneedyouguystocometotheSnakeholeLoungetonighttohelpmewithsomething.呃不今晚不行Yeah,no,tonightsnotgood.做不到我在断食Nocando.-monacleanse.拜托了这事很重要Please.Thisisimpo
5、rtant我正在推出我新的高端的咖啡利口式酒mlaunchingmynewhigh-end,Kahlua-Styleliqueur,蛇汁SnakeJuice.听起来像你拿了条蛇然后拧成抹布Soundslikeyoutookasnakeandtwisteditlikearag直到它的血和内脏都跑出来untilitsbloodandgutscameout.“咖啡利口式”是什么意思WhatdoesKahlua-Stylemean?我混合了几种酒Imixabunchofalcoholtogether,加了点糖和咖啡还有其他东西Iaddsomesugarandcoffeeandsomeotherjunk
6、,然后尝起来像咖啡利酒anditkindoftasteslikeKahlua.我只能喝带辣椒的温开水Icanonlydrinkwarmtapwaterwithcayennepepper.行那就别喝Fine.Thendontdrinkit.只要让其他人来喝好吧Justgetotherpeopletodrinkit,okay?一小时后开会Meetinginonehour.如果你赶不上你就上我的没门名单吧Ifyoudontmakeit,youreonmyDone-zolist.哦”没门名单”是啥Oh,whatsaDone-zolist1?意思是你和我没门了ItmeansyouandIaredone-
7、zo.出去玩一起吃饭没门Hangingout,gettingfoodtogether,done-zo.你想来我家玩游戏没门Youwanttocomeovertomyhouseandplayvideogames?Done-zo.嘿Tom想跟我打迷你高尔夫吗Hey,Tom,youwanttocomeplayPutt-Puttwithme?不我们没门了No,we,redone-zo.宝我们得赶上那个会啊Babe,wegottomakethatmeeting.我太高兴我们能有空聊天了msogladwefoundthetimetotalk.感觉已经好久了Itfeelslikeitsbeenforever
8、.我知道啊我在医院一直太忙了Iknow.vebeensobusyatthehospital.长时间加班通宵值班我已经很厌倦了1.onghours,overnightshifts.mgettingsickofit.好吧我们从个人事务开始JeSSie怎么样了Allright,letsstartwiththepersonalstuff.HowsJessie?谁-那个摄影师Who?-Thephotographerguy.哦对我们分手了我没跟你讲吗Oh,yeah.Webrokeup.Ididnttellyouthat?没Mmm-mmm.为啥我挺喜欢他的啊-是啊我也是Why?Ilikedhim.-Yeah
9、,Idid,too.我就是我搞不定他的脸Ijust.Icouldntdealwithhisface.哈Huh.你觉得我能把借给他的书拿回来吗DoyouthinkIcouldgetthatbookbackthatIloanedhim?呃严格来说我已经出国了Well,mtechnicallyoutofthecountry.所以我只能用一个奇怪的号♥码打给他SoIwouldhavetocallhimfromaweirdnumber.抱歉没事Sorry.-Nevermind.但我在约会这个新男的MattiasButmseeingthisnewguy,Mattias.你会爱上他的他是个三重
10、双鱼Youwouldlovehim.HesatriplePisces.哦哦看来有人开会要迟到咯Oh-oh.Lookslikesomeonesgonnabelateforhermeeting.我跟你比赛Illraceyou.真的吗那不会很幼稚吗Really?Isntthatalittlechildish?拜Ann抱歉得走了嘿闪边哦Bye,Ann.Sorry,gottogo.Hey,move!Oh!Howser议员抱歉还是很高兴见到你CouncilmanHowser,sorry.Nicetoseeyouasalways.拜Bye.欢迎来到游击营销策略基础课WelcometoGuerillaMark
11、eting101.什么是游击营销WhatisGuerillaMarketing?几个普通的笨蛋无意冒犯Afewordinaryschmoes,nooffense,在某人身边随意聊一些蛇汁有多棒的话题haveacasualconversationnexttosomeguyabouthowgreatSnakeJuiceis.接下来就是那个某人点了一整瓶蛇汁NextthingyouknowthatguyordersawholebottleofSnakeJuice,甚至还不知道为什么andhehasnoideawhy.April你扮演一个喝啤酒的无聊人士名叫JenniferApril,youllbep
12、layingaboringbeerdrinkernamedJennifer.Andy你也是一个喝啤酒无聊人土名叫MichaelAndy,youarealsoaboringbeerdrinkernamedMichael.Jerry你扮演一个喝啤酒的无聊人士Jerry,youllbeplayingaboringbeerdrinker.你的名字叫JerryYournamewillbeJerry.Ron要扮演我们激动的喝蛇汁的人士RonisgoingtoplayourexcitingSnakeJuicedrinker,代号♥是迅雷BrianA.K.A.BrianThunder.你要我们把
13、整个剧本都记下来吗Doyouwantustomemorizethiswholescript?理想情况是但如果你要自♥由♥发挥Ideally,butifyouwanttowingit,你的讨论点就是“高端“VIP”生活方式”yourtalkingpointsarehigh-end,VIP,lifestyle.好的我们走一遍剧本Allright,letsrunthroughitonce.开始Andaction!”最近的天气真的好奇怪Theweatherhasbeensoweirdlately.”嘿我给你们都点杯酒吧”Hey,letmebuyyoualladrink.“我
14、来点基础的东西比如啤酒”lltakesomethingbasiclikeabeer.”是啊我挺污Yeah,mpretty”聊的boring.”所以我也来瓶啤酒”Solltakeabeer,too.“我不要我想让这个晚上哼狂起来”Notme.IwantthisnighttogetK-razzy.“轰狂“就像疯狂”Ca-razy.Like,crazy.“我想让这个晚上轰狂起来Iwantthisnighttogetcrazy.“给我来杯蛇汁我听说它余味很属♥GetmeashotofSnakeJuice.Ihearithasadopeaftertaste.好吧这边咔一下嗯Allright
15、,thatsgonnabeacut.Um.Ron你要像真正相信一样说出来Ron,yougottosayitlikeyoumeanit.我不会公共为一种产品背书Iwontpubliclyendorseaproduct除非我自己专门用过而且真心信任unlessIuseitexclusivelyandIreallybelieveinit.我仅有的官方推荐产品有Myonlyofficialrecommendations美国&hearts库♥方发行的剃须刀areU.S.Army-issuedmustachetrimmers,Morton盐还有C.R.LaurenceFeinMortonSa
16、lt,andtheC.R.LaurenceFein两寸斧型剃须刀用振动刀片two-inch,axe-stylescraperoscillatingknifeblade.我们要给公共卫♥生♥部♥找一个新的公♥关♥主管WeneedtofindanewPRDirectorfortheHealthDepartment.DennisCooper今天被开除了DennisCooperwasfiredtoday.为什么Why?简单地说他疯了Shortanswer,hewentbananas.复杂地说他的夫人Jan出轨了给他传染了性病1.on
17、ganswer,hiswife,Jan,hadanaffair,gavehimavenerealdisease,所以他在整个市政厅贴满r关于她的海报andsoheputsignsaboutherallthroughCityHall.你们肯定都看到了msureyouveseenthem.哦对-哦对Oh,yeah.-Oh,yeah.JanCooper会给你带来衣原体疾病JanCooperwillgiveyouChlamydia.”由Pawnee卫♥生♥部♥提供BroughttoyoubythePawneeHealthDepartment.衣原体疾病影响儿乎
18、100%的JanCoOPer们Chlamydiaaffectsnearly100%ofJanCoopers.卫♥生♥部♥祝贺JanCooperTheDepartmentofHealthcongratulatesJanCooper.”衣原体小姐”MissChlamydia.“Jan我爱你请回来吧Jan,Iloveyou.Pleasecomeback.“我意识到我也不是没有责任Irealizethatmnotblamelesshere.”拜托Please.由卫♥生♥部♥门提供BroughttoyoubytheHea
19、lthDepartment.重新选举JanCooper妓♥女♥镇镇长Re-electJanCooper.MayorofWhoreville.11.eslie我需要你帮我们选一个替代人选1.eslie,Iwantyoutohelpuschooseareplacement.公园和卫♥生♥部♥门在户外项目和健身倡议上有密切合作ParksandHealthworkcloselytogetheronoutdoorprogramsandexerciseinitiatives.Ann可以做Annshoulddoit.AnnPerkins吗
20、AnnPerkins?Pawnee在寻找一个卫♥生♥部♥的新公♥关♥主管PawneeislookingforanewPRDirectorfortheHealthDepartment,我提交了你的名字andIsubmittedyourname.你明早9点有一个面试Youhaveaninterviewtomorrowat9:00a.m.早9点哇-是的我知道不能争取更早了9:00a.m.Wow.-Yes,Iknow.Icouldntgetitearlier.我-很感激我知道m.-Grateful.Iknow.你可以晚点谢我Youc
21、anthankmelater.但首先你得做完你的作业Butfirst,youneedtogooveryourhomework.这些是这个城市I960年代以来实行过的所有健康倡议Theseareallthehealthinitiativesthecityhaseverundertakensincethe1960s.所以你需要部分记住这些Soyouneedtopartiallymemorizethat.然后今晚会是个长夜Anditsgonnabealongnigh所以我给你买♥♥了点能量饮料和裹巧克力的浓缩咖啡豆soIgotyousomeenergydrinksands
22、omechocolate-coveredespressobeans还有JonathanFranzen的书自♥由♥andthebookFreedombyJonathanFranzen.我为啥要读这个WhyamIreadingthis?因为我差不多读完了AnnBecausemalmostdonewithit,Ann.我想要跟你聊聊PattyAndIwanttotalktoyouaboutPatty.好的深呼吸Okay,deepbreath.好吧我当护士超过十年了Okay.Ivebeenanurseforover10years.这不是你说退就能退的It,snotsomet
23、hingyoujustquit.我理解Iunderstand.我只是觉得这份新工作会让你参与改变Ijustthinkwiththisnewjob,youcouldmakeadifference.让真E的改变发生Makerealchangehappen.此外我们能在同一栋楼工作Plus,we,dbeworkinginthesamebuilding.不用再有闪电见面的必要了Nomorelightning-roundcatch-upsessions.能有个办公室确实挺好Itwouldbenicetohaveanoffice.这是你的命运AnnThisisyourdestiny,Ann.你不想把时间浪
24、费在Pawnee圣约瑟夫医学中心然后变成她YoudontwanttowasteawayatPawneeSt.JosephMedicalCenterandturnintoher.嗷0w!闭嘴Shutup.实话说吧不用每晚从人们的屁♥股♥里拉奇怪的东西出来会很好的Andletsbehonest,itwouldbenicetonothavetopullstrangethingsoutofpeoplesbuttseverynight.你之前说到过了这种事不那么常有的Youvementionedthatbefore.Thatdoesnthappenthatoften.发生过一
25、次-就一次Ithappenedonce.-Justonce.已经是太多次了Thatalreadyistoomanytimes.我讨厌和人聊事情Ihatetalkingtopeopleaboutthings.这是个噩梦Thisisanightmare.我不高兴了mgrouchy.我们得支持Tom我不想到那个没门名单上去WehavetosupportTom.IdontwanttoenduponthatDone-zolist.把它想成是角色扮演Thinkaboutitasrole-playing.那样就会很性感Thatmakesitsexy.那会很好玩的-真的吗Thatcouldbefun.-Rea
26、lly?我能用一个奇怪的声音吓跑其他人吗CanIuseaweirdvoiceandtrytofreakpeopleout?能-好Yes.-Okay.那下次你见我时Thennexttimeyouseeme,我就是陌生人了llbeastranger.嘿小汤汤我真心希望你的这个酒能大卖♥♥Hey,Tommy.mreallyhopingthisboozeofyoursisgonnasell,因为我可不愿意在这玩艺儿上赔钱becauseIamnotgoingtotakealossonthis.这么好喝的东西不会失败的Nothingthisdeliciouswillfail.我
27、们看看吧几个小时之后跟我再说Wellsee.Checkbackwithmeinacoupleofhours,我让你知道进展IllIetyouknowhowitsgoing.蛇汁什么这里SnakeJuice!What?Here?高端VIP独家High-end,VIP,exclusive.嘿怎么样了Hey,howsitgoing?我觉得还行Ithinkit,sgoingokay.人们最好买♥♥这个不然我就完蛋了PeoplebetterbuythisStUfforelsemgonnabescrewed.会没事的人们肯定会买♥♥的Itsgonna
28、befine.Peoplewilldefinitelybuyit.啊哦啊哦K了个“N“了个O-P-E”Uh-oh,uh-oh.KtotheNtotheO-P-E；她是最尾♥的小妹就在Pawnee印第安纳shesthedopestlittleshortyinallPawnee,Indiana你为啥不在PaWnee”停下呢WhydidntyoujuststopatPawnee?1.eslieKnope认真讲你每天都更性感了1.eslieKnope,seriously,yougetsexiereveryday.这不是撩你的词这是事实Andthatisnotaline.Thatisfor
29、real.哦Jean-RalphioOh,Jean-Ralphio.所以你在帮Tom吗SoyoureherehelpingTom?当了个然啊现在要准备赚那个钱了Absolutely.Andit,stimetogetthatpaper.赚赚赚赚赚赚那个钱Get,get,get,get,get,getthatpaper.蛇汁销♥售♥会好到爆嗝”的SnakeJuicesalesaregonnabeoffthechurt/为啥因为那个展♥真的“忒“好喝了Why?Becausethatsnizzisstraightupdee-loy-cious.说得好Wells
30、aid.嗯我知道今晚会是个大成功我也想留下Well,Iknowtonightsgonnabeabigsuccess,andIwishIcouldstay.我真的想但我得去帮AnnIreallydo,butIhavetogohelpAnn.她会整晚不睡临时抱佛脚准备面试的Shesgonnabeupallnightcrammingforabigjobinterview.她可能会整晚不睡Shemightbeupallnight,不过我觉得她抱的可能是其他东西了butIthinksomeoneelseisgonnabedoingthecramming.啊哦Uh-oh.嘿-嘿Hey.-Hey.好高兴看见
31、你msohappytoseeyou.我也在这看到你了Andmseeingyouhere.是的是的我很惊讶Yes.-Yes,msurprised.我以为可能你会在家为明天做准备Ithoughtmaybeyoudbehomepreparingfortomorrow.哦嗯你今晚给我的材料实在是太多了Oh,well,therewaswaytoomuchStuffformetoreadtonight,anyway.我是说你给我的材料真的多到荒谬Imean,itwasaridiculousamountofstuffthatyougaveme.哦Oh.但你明天还是会去面试的吧Butyouaregoingin
32、fortheinterviewtomorrow?我觉得会啊Ithinkso.啊哦Uh-oh.这个美女三明治里还有“男黄酱”的空间吗Isthereenoughroomforsomeman-aiseinthisIadysandwich?哦Oh.1.eslie这是我朋友HowardTuttleman1.eslie,thisismyfriendHowardTuttleman.哦拜托叫我混♥蛋♥吧Oh,please.CallmeTheDouche.你可能认出我是93.7早间广播节目Youprobablyknowmefrommymorningradioshowon93.7,疯狂
33、Ira与混♥蛋♥CrazyIraandTheDouche.是啊我之前见过你Yeah,Ihadmetyoubefore.我实际上还上过你的节目Iactuallywasonyourshowonce.等等你上了我们让脱衣舞娘做数学的那期对吧Wait!Wereyouontheshowwherewehadthatstripperdomath?经典吧Classic,right?你好啊我从未见过的陌生人Hello,strangepersonwhoIhavenevermetbefore.你是谁Whoareyou?我是Janet蛇洞mJanetSnakehole.我是个非常富有的寡妇
34、但有个骇人听闻的秘密你是谁maveryrichwidowwithaterriblesecret.Whoareyou?BertMacklinFBIBertMacklin,FBI.我曾是他们最好的探员结果他们污蔑我犯了我没犯的罪IwasthebestdamnagenttheyhaduntilIwasframedforacrimeIdidntcommit.偷走总统的红宝石StealingthePresidentsrubies.现在我单飞NowIworkalone.很高兴认识你1.ovelytomeetyou.我必须承认我以为你的扮相会更淫♥荡♥一点Igottoadmit,
35、Ithoughtyourcostumewouldmaybebealittlebitsluttier.好大的胆子Howdareyou?很棒Nice.先生们Gentlemen.Swanson天鹅之歌♥你过咋样Swansong.Howyouliving?是的Yes.你为啥没拿杯蛇汁啊WhyarentyouholdingaSnakeJuice?我更喜欢威士忌mmoreofawhiskeyman.RonRon来这里Ron-Ron,comehere.过来一点点这个距离可以了Comehereforabit.Youregoodrightthere.听着你得跳上TOmmy这趟快车1.isten,y
36、ougottojumpontheTommyTownExpress.这个伙计有着一些我今生听过最好的投资点子Thisguyhassomeofthebestinvestmentideasveeverheardinmylife.开♥发♥一条婴儿燕尾服生产线Makeababytuxedoclothingline.邀请制的百货商店Adepartmentstorewithaguestlist白色毛绒耳套男用Whitefurearmuffsformen.新品牌瓶装水名叫H2肉AnewbrandofbottledwatercalledH2-Ho.显示短消息的隐形眼镜Contactl
37、ensesthatdisplaytextmessages.发明一部闻起来很香的手♥机♥Inventaphonethatsmellsgood.拥有一家叫“日食”的酒吧OwnanightclubcalledEclipse一年只开两次一次一小时thatsonlyopenforonehourtwotimesayear.入场费$5000Covercharge,$5,000.我还能继续Icankeepgoing.要不这样RonHowaboutthis,Ron?试试蛇汁TrySnakeJuice.如果你喜欢那就整晚帮我推销Ifyoulikeit,yougottotalkitupa
38、llnight.如果不喜欢我给Jean-Ralphio剃光头Ifyoudont,llshaveJean-Ralphioshead.行我倒想看看那个来吧Yeah,dliketoseethat.Hitme.赌注很大啊Alotridingonthis.该死这也太好喝了Damn,ifthatisntdelicious.“R“了个“0”了个,NNN”Rmtothe,0totheN.我说Swanson有型得就像大本钟IsaySwansonsgotswaggerthesizeofaBigBenclock伙计你得以韵脚结束啊Dude,yougottoenditontherhyme.我知道我该做什么-你在“本”
39、那里押上了IknowwhatIhavetodo.-YouhaditatBen.我知道我知道了1know.Igotit.你们觉得我没走遍世界吗YouthinkIhaventbeenaroundtheworld?我哪儿都去过了亲爱的我是个非常富有的女人vebeeneverywhere,darling.maverywealthywoman.高端百货公♥司♥我丈夫总是从BergdorfGoodman给我买♥♥最好的衣服你们看MyhusbandskeptmeinthefinestclothesfromBergdorfGoodman,yousee.不
40、许动FBIFreeze!FBI!不别来找我No!Leavemealone!举起手来Handsintheair!我又没杀人Ididntkillanybody!磨坊也不是我烧的是我妹妹AndIdidntburndownthemilleither.Mysisterdid.但现在她被狼吃了Butnowshe,sbeeneatenbywolves!没啥好围观的Nothingtoseehere.所以你俩怎么认识的Sohowdidyoutwomeet?我们在超♥rli♥认识的Wemetatthesupermarket.我用的是经典搭讪话术Iusedmyclassicpickupl
41、ine.”如果你在找混♥蛋♥它们在，我这一排Ifyourelookingfordouches,they,reinAisleMe.私处冲洗器很棒啊-是的Awesome.-Yeah.哦嘿顺便我觉得我应该拿不回那本书了Oh,hey,bytheway,IdontthinkIcangetthatbookback从那个叫啥那里fromwhats-his-name.哦那没事的Oh,thatsokay.我是说我该知道不能给你的男朋友们借东西的1mean,Ishouldveknownbetterthantoloansomethingtooneofyourboyfriends.他们来来
42、去去太快了Theycomeandgosofast.你具体是什么意思呢Whatareyousayingexactly?嗯我说实话说这个家伙又能坚持多久呢Well,Imean,letsbehonest.Howlongisitgonnalastwiththisguy?我还坐这儿呢Sittingrighthere.我不知道啊他很蠢但是很好玩啊Idontknow.Hesdumb,buthesfun.谢谢Thankyou.我是说这就是约会的意义啊Imean,thatsthewholepointofdatingaround你能试试各种不同的款式isyougettotryonabunchofdifferent
43、hats.嗯这款是个傻子Well,thishatisanidiot.经典哦Classic.1.eSlie我来这你生气了吗1.eslie,areyoumadthatIcamehere?什么没啊What?No.我没.你是你看起来在生我的气mnot.Areyou.Youseemmadatme.不我没.我没生你的气No,mnot.mnotmadatyou.我没生你的气我根本没生气mnotmadatyou.-mnotmadatall.我也没有-没有NeitheramI.-No.看起来你俩应该亲亲和好啊1.ookslikeyoutwoneedtokissandmakeup.好吧Allright.你们好我叫
44、RonSwansonHello.MynameisRonSwanson.一般来说我试着避免和人讲话Ingeneral,Itrynevertospeakwithpeople,但我喝了这个蛇汁的东西butIhavebeendrinkingthisSnakeJuicething,它真该死的好喝anditsdamngood.你们应该买♥♥Youshouldbuyit.嗯好谢了哥们Yeah,okay.Thanks,man.孩子你要知道我的推荐基本上是保证Son,youshouldknowthatmyrecommendationisessentiallyaguarantee.喝了
45、就现在Drinkthis,now.Traeger大♥师♥你赶上了TraegermeisterlYoumadeit.是的我收到了你的邮件我们得聊聊Yeah,Igotyouremail.Weneedtotalk.首先试试来点蛇汁FirstOffthough,tryalittleSnakeJuice.酒度140也就是说70%是酒精It,s140proof,whichmeansits70%alcohol.但别担心里面有大量咖♥啡♥因&hearts保证不困Butdontworry.Theresplentyofcaffeineinittokeepyouawake.我相信一小杯就真的能要了我的命Ibelieveanounceofthatwouldliterallykillme.你给市政厅
